no idea where to start so im just gonna wing it.
im Rose, im 23 years old and as of yesterday ive decided to fully commit to transitioning and stop procastonating and finding reasons to wait. my birth name is micheal, im MtF and.. well thats the short version lol,
thiiiiis is the long version.
little about myself, looking back now i can see that there were signs and such that i was diffrent from early on, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. it wasint untill late 2011 that i realized that i am who i am. a women, i could go on for paragraphs of what lead up to this and when i made the connection but im sure you've all heard the same general storry a dozzen times, though if you wana hear it ive no problem giving it fyi ^^
anywho, to use a anology i made talking to my counselor the other day, soon after discovering this fact about myself i locked it in a safe, which i put in a vault, which i put in my own little fort knox in my head. two things led to this, the first being the rather.. passionate rejection of the first person i told about it, who was my girlfriend at the time. a few months later i managed to tell my best friend, and things were ok for a bit, but life happens and we had a falling out, and i more or less slammed the door shut on it and ran from it. and since then.. lifes been... ok i would say. though i went nowhere fast, thanks to a LOT of family drama, my nephews rare liver deisease, my dads alchoholism, my own mental health issues stemming from being in the wrong body.
but! there is good stuff to! lol september 14 i went to a tradeschool and by april 15 was a certified welder. good right? nah not really. 15 was the worst year of my life. lemme break it down for you.
january i find out my dad has COPD, and has to have oxygen therepy. which freaked me the hell out as both my grandparents on dads side were on oxygen shortly before they died, thankfully my sister helped me through that panic mode and i sort kinna came to grips with the idea that dads not gonna be around forever.
so life goes on and i finish my schooling, funny story in the middle of all this btw, the first day back home from school on my way to a career fair, i get rear-ended in moms brand new 14 impalla. i made a joke about it being a sign but good lord i wish it wasint cause in may, after complaining about chest pain my mom has to go under the knife for a triple corenary bypass. so bam, just like that my looking for a job takes a backseat to looking after mom.
i should also mention that by this point dad's memory was shot. we figured out now that it was his oxygen levels, your brain kinna needs that to work after all. but because of this not only was i taking care of mom who was more or less bedridden for a month, i was doing everything dad was supposed to be doing around the house cuase he was about as usefull as a sack a potatoes.
so what happens over the summer to a young adult whos barley able to cope with the world on a good day when hes forced to take care of both his parents non-stop? nothing good i tell you. by the end of the summer my depression was back in full force, i was barley taking care of myself. luckly mom was back on her feat and able to adult, at this time mike was very much not able to adult. so my thereapist reccomended i move into an apartment complex run by the regional mental health center, where i still am.
here theres groups n such you can go to, though not mandatory are reccomended. it was hit and miss with me for the first few months, though my one on one meetings with my counselors i made. and by the end of october i was ready to start looking for work again.. ha. hahaha. fun fact, on my dads birthday, the 31st of october i was telling him my plans to start going around with my resume agian.
on november fourth 2015 my father, Ricky passed away. and my world came crashing down around me.
its been a hella rough road but im finaly back on my feet again, and am looking for work, feeling happier then i have in years. and after talking to my counsellors here ive finaly decided its time to let rose out of the box ^^ so here i am. this is the start of my new life.
