I read posts. A lot of them. I've read them for 8 years.
Some, as my staff can assert, I try to eradicate from my memory.
But many are of the ilk:
I'll never be normal.
I'll never be accepted.
I'll never pass.
This essay is of course biased. I'm a transgender female. I cannot talk for the men.
That alone is interesting.
Why not? My brothers are TG and don't they face the same discrimination?
Yep.
But do I ignore that?
Am I so self centred that I will cast a person to the wolves to distract them from me?
No.
Just, I do not how to approach the topic.
I 'pass' or do I? Oh it takes one instance to say - Hello Sir! To destroy you.
And I spout; No, I'm not TG I'm just an ugly woman - what is your problem? Please forgive me for my ugliness and accept me.
I retire to my shell.
I cry - I do not leave my bed.
I grieve.
I am shattered and destroyed.
But is this real?
Or paranoia?
I sat on my bus this morning and I was sharing seats with three other women. One had her child, a lovely 2-3 year old who was playing up. Mum was getting frazzled as kindles kicked in, and people ignored, and you could hear the combined subconsciousness maturity say 'god I need a coffee'. I hope this kid goes away.
I asked the woman if her child would like to sit on my knee and wave to her (mum). Problem solved.
Quietly the two other women put their books and Kindles down, and we enjoyed having a young person playing silly games with her Mum.
We got off the bus as friends.
No one knew I was TG. I am and was helping another woman. I did it for myself. I like people and I like kids.
Did I pass?
I pulled into a carpark for yet another meeting to set up a counselling group.
I got waved at by a woman I didn't know.
I've been made.
Someone can recognise me across a car park as a TG female.
The horror!
To be honest I didn't care.
I'm me.
I asked her - how did you know I was TG in the carpark ?
Her shocked reply. I didn't, I was told I was meeting you and I googled you and saw your photo. I saw a woman going to the same meeting, and I didn't want to be alone in the car park.
I was trying to be safe, you walked away.
Why?
Good question.
Are we - occasionally - more paranoid than we need to be.
Cindy
