minor emergency in terms of passing... (backwards)

[Rachael]

enfemme? isnt that something CDs do?

no, they saw me with a boy body last, and a photo of me with normal long hair, a pierced eyebrow and a hoodie. infact, they have never seen me WITHOUT a hoodie since i started hrt... Its scary, i mean, i dont want them to go mad, but like my councelor told me today, it might shock them into realising im thier daughter, and me being a girl isnt some flamboyant dragqueen thing, and that maybe i can do it without embaracing myself or them. Image is everything for those snobs...
i dont recall mentioning there was confusion, or debate, they want a boy at the funeral... and as for being female? yeah, try 10 months hrt, large b cup, hips, butt, narrower waist, general, um, i dunno, FEMALE appearance. I have no male voice and cant do one to save my life, i act female, infact behaving male is alien and seems fake now, im so out of practice its not funny!
i guess the shane from L word look is suitable ?
oh, and the dress thing, you assume im feminine enough to actually OWN a dress... this my friend, is a grave miscalculation.
R

[Rachael]

glad someone has me right is it wrong that i can wear a mans suit. look dykish one moment, swap shoes for 3 inch pumps, loose the shirt and tie and spritz my hair and suddely look straight?
R

[Lori]

Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. If they can't handle the truth, that is their problem not yours. Have you not lived your life for them long enough? Sooner or later you are going to have to put your foot down...unless you want to do this the rest of your life and don't really mind trying to be somebody else for a day to make others happy and get their acceptance for a few hours.

[Kat]

I agree with the others saying to just be yourself.  That is what transitioning is all about right? Besides, anyone who thinks you are doing this to steal attention from whoever is just insane.  If anyone accuses you of doing so, just inform them that by making a scene out of it, they are the ones who are gathering attention torwards both you and themselves.

[Rachael]

im not sure why this thread decended into a 'picking who you want to go as, im full time, i have been for a month or two (to the tune of im ft in an oversize tee and sweats). I have to be a boy. I put my foot down for me the day my parents threw me out of our home six months ago. im doing this for my gran, and minimal fuss, i guess, is to comply with thier wishes, any differnet, im 'stealing the show' i cant steal it, if im doing as they say. come accross female or whatever. What can i do visually to pass as a boy? i dont even think i can WALK male anymore ><. You would think someone whos done boy 19 years of thier life could manage it for one day. but the mountain seems sheer and icy, and i forgot my crampons...
R

[gothique11]

Um, I'm sad to say this Rachel, but you might not be able to completely pass as a boy. I know I can't. You'll just have to try your best if this is what you need to do. But with the changes, it's going to be hard. And then even if you can "look" somewhat like a boy, the way you carry yourself is another issue (as you mentioned).

I wish you the best of luck, you are really in a tough situation.

Posted on: October 11, 2007, 10:28:19 PM

Kate if your avatar is a picture of you then you never have anything to worry about.

Daisy

My avatar picture is a real picture of me. *grins*  >

Kidding, I'm not that pretty. LOL  And yes, I realize my avatar is a skull and cross bones *raises pirate flag and hijacks this thread temporally just because*

Anyway, back to the topic... *puts sword down*

Yarrr!

[shanetastic]

im not sure why this thread decended into a 'picking who you want to go as, im full time, i have been for a month or two (to the tune of im ft in an oversize tee and sweats). I have to be a boy. I put my foot down for me the day my parents threw me out of our home six months ago. im doing this for my gran, and minimal fuss, i guess, is to comply with thier wishes, any differnet, im 'stealing the show' i cant steal it, if im doing as they say. come accross female or whatever. What can i do visually to pass as a boy? i dont even think i can WALK male anymore ><. You would think someone whos done boy 19 years of thier life could manage it for one day. but the mountain seems sheer and icy, and i forgot my crampons...
R

Ever thought of just not going to the funeral?  I know it sounds horrible and everything, but sometimes it's just not meant to be.  I know this probably isn't an option for you, but I mean if your parents threw you out of the house, then talked to you and said come to this as a male. . . I don't see how you could still give them respect.  Sorry I know maybe I'm just bitter, but it was just another idea for you I guess.

[ketti]

Yes, maybe it is better to hold your own ceremony for grandma at home? After all, she is the person who matters, not all those other peoples.

[Berliegh]

Rachael.....the decision is ultimately yours......

I was faced with similar situation a few years ago when my dad died. None of his family had seen me for quite a few years and I didn't know my dad when I was growing up but they had heard about my transition. I actually didn't know what to do either but I wore a guys suit and it did look bit like a girl in a guys suit with my long blonde hair and clear skin. Most people were expectiong me to turn up in overtly feminine clothes and a lot of make up (poor pulic perception of transsexuals) but in the end I did what I did. My worries were for nothing and although a lot of people didn't recognise me I got through it ok. My fathers family, especially my aunt were quite nice towards me. I think if it were today I'm now further down the road physically and I would also be more confident in dressing more feminine.

[Rachael]

Shanetastic: no. This isnt about them, this is for my grandmother. I want to see her one last time before her earthly form is gone for ever. As i couldnt see her the last 6 months, this is important, i also want her to meet her grand daughter, souls see souls right?
R

[Nicnique]

Shanetastic: no. This isnt about them, this is for my grandmother. I want to see her one last time before her earthly form is gone for ever. As i couldnt see her the last 6 months, this is important, i also want her to meet her grand daughter, souls see souls right?
R

Hi Rachael - first of all I would like to offer you my condolences. Furthermore I think you know very well what you want. I asked myself this question yesterday when reading the posts. For me the question is not what your family might say - its not their "show". The only question might be what would your grandmother prefer? You coming to her funeral and not being you? I don't think so. And I think one thing is certain - her soul sees your soul as it is and her soul loves your soul as it is. This is my belief.

Therefore I would say and encourage you to dress as you feel - you are doing this for your grandmother and for yourself and especially on this occasion for nobody else.

Best regards - Nicnique

[daisybelle]

Rachael -- Sorry for the loss, and for the pain your parents are putting you through right now.

It sounds like you have to go as a MALE. So do it.  Bind those B-Cups, put on the male suit  and do something to hide you long hair.

There you have it.... you have met your parents requirements.   If you still read as a female though then so be it.

I also want to apologize.  I realize your parents did not give you a choice, but I thought if they saw a picture of you maybe they would change their minds. 

How would you dress if you did not have your parents restrictions?

Good luck and let us know

Daisy

[Rachael]

i dont really know, i have no money for suitable clothes, probably a smart outfit, white blouse, black pants and a jacket, but i dont know, as i cant. i mean, i COULD wear the suit, with heels and no shirt. and it would work... I do read female, and somehow i dont think my parents will see this. they will see me being a girl to steal the day, weather i can help it or not, they think im some sexual deviant who crossdresses for attention... and that i can be totally boy, or freak, in thier eyes. My looking how i do wont help them understand, it will simply compound thier view im doing it for attention and COULD look male if i want.
R

[BCL]

Hi Rachael,

A few years ago when my Mother died, I went to the Funeral to pay my last respects to someone I loved very much. Like your situation, much of my family where there (my ex wife, kids) and it so easily could have been about me, the hate some of my family had for me. That would have been wrong and something I made sure did not happen.

I simply wore a black jacket, black trousers , boots and a black long coat (The funeral was in December). I spoke to only my Father and stayed by his side the whole time (unless he went to see my family).

Go and pay your respects to your grandmother, dress conservitively as you wish and avoid confrontation. You are there for your Grandmother, hold your head up, be proud and remember her.

Rebecca

[shanetastic]

Shanetastic: no. This isnt about them, this is for my grandmother. I want to see her one last time before her earthly form is gone for ever. As i couldnt see her the last 6 months, this is important, i also want her to meet her grand daughter, souls see souls right?
R

Okay.  I was just throwing the idea out there.

[melissa90299]

i dont really know, i have no money for suitable clothes, probably a smart outfit, white blouse, black pants and a jacket, but i dont know, as i cant. i mean, i COULD wear the suit, with heels and no shirt. and it would work... I do read female, and somehow i dont think my parents will see this. they will see me being a girl to steal the day, weather i can help it or not, they think im some sexual deviant who crossdresses for attention... and that i can be totally boy, or freak, in thier eyes. My looking how i do wont help them understand, it will simply compound thier view im doing it for attention and COULD look male if i want.
R

Actually, you could if you wanted, it is much easier for GGs to pass as male than the reverse. But this is not about passing as a male since the people there who know you know you were born male. I think masking the fact that you are transitioning is what your parent(s) deisre.

I would use this opportunity to clear the air with your parents regarding your transition, talk to them about their concerns and explain to them what you have been saying to us. One firm stand I would take is that regardless, you are coming to the funeral. As long as you are dressed and act respectfully, no one has the right to keep you from attending the funeral.

[Rachael]

i doubt i could clear any air, they suggest doctors are only treating me  as a 'curiosity' to be talked about over lunch with coligues. and that hrt is making me mentally ill and want to mutilate my body...
much reason works in this family
R

[Berliegh]

i doubt i could clear any air, they suggest doctors are only treating me  as a 'curiosity' to be talked about over lunch with coligues. and that hrt is making me mentally ill and want to mutilate my body...
much reason works in this family
R

That's true Rachael......many people have families who will not listen to you and you cannot reason with them.....that is the usual sinario of you are TS. Families who are excepting are far more rare..

[Rachael]

RARE? they seem to be everywhere...
my family said they would accept me, but i didnt play dressup as a young child according to them, and showed no feminine signs (duh, i got punished for it i learned)
dispite me wearing one of my mums dresses to play harry potter, playing barbies with my sister for years, HAVING my own barbie, and being a 'kind sensative child' in thier words... yet apparently i showed no signs of femininity, so im not trans... JESUS H CHRIST ><
R

[melissa90299]

Your parents must be somewhere in here: