Quote from: cadence21 on July 04, 2016, 08:10:42 PM
Well, I would definitely transgender myself... transgender myself (I do think technically I can grow...
Transgender, as far as I know, is not a verb, and I believe its use as a verb is considered derogatory. As well, to refer to "grow"ing things in the manner you do can also come off as a negative to many folks. I'm not mentioning this to be preachy... this is my opinion but I feel it's best to work to speak about transitioning with the most respect you can summon. Using the right words and phrasing helps one have class in transitional discussions/interactions. I think the effort to speak tastefully regarding transition-related topics can be positive for one's own transition exploration.
An aside, and don't take this the wrong way, when you're a first time poster using terms and phrases like that, in my eyes, it can come off a little bit as though it's designed to be that way (i.e., as if you're not oblivious to it) and I don't think it would be considered an uncommon perspective so I wanted to share that with you. Using the right words/phrasing helps put your best foot forward, perhaps improving the responses you get.
The core to your overall message is that you're having a lot of cross-dressing, male-to-female (MTF) feelings about yourself, where you're not sure how seriously to take those feelings, how far to take them, and how to handle all such endeavors in your interactions with your girlfriend and perhaps others.
You should seriously consider going to a qualified gender therapist. Also, youtube and web searches for "gender therapy" or "am I transgender" can yield some great results, but also beware of bad sites that may have misleading information. You can learn a lot about how to ask yourself questions about whether or not you're transgender.
It's not uncommon for early transitioners to have a whole host of confusing feelings, and even concerns that they're not fitting into a neat little box such as "MTF who loves men." Aside from recommending you find a therapist to discuss your gender exploration, I can offer the following...
I see a lot of stress/concern in your post over implied black-and-white rules which don't actually exist. That sort of stress/concern is not uncommon, but there are no rules beyond having respect for yourself and others. If you want to remain a male who occasionally dresses as a woman, and have intimacy with only girlfriends, or both girl/boyfriends, or just men, etc., all of those possibilities are fine. If you want to live full time as a woman who loves intimacy with women, that is fine. If you want to live as a woman who loves intimacy with men, that's is fine. If you want to live as a woman who is bisexual, loves intimacy with both men and woman, that is fine.
I think folks often look for deep answers regarding gender identity but I personally found the deep understanding came from forgetting the question of gender identity and simply asking myself what I wanted to do any given day of the week. If I wanted to dress a certain way, wear makeup or whatever, I just learned to accept that has a valid understanding of myself for that day. That made things very easy and led to a sense of who I am, which wasn't far different from glimmers I'd received so much earlier in life (I'm a late transitioner).
The only caveat I'd offer about simply asking yourself daily who you sense/feel you are on each day is that HRT can help normalize an imbalance for some people, which can itself guide those day-to-day decisions differently. That normalization from HRT can really help certain people by greatly reducing T-driven anxiety as well as much more. As well, some reject HRT, which is a valid use of HRT as a diagnostic tool. A good gender therapist and trans-friendly general physician can help understand all of these paths. (You might also web search for "hrt diagnostic tool".)
In the meantime, aside from issues with anyone you might be living with who might have issues, dressing up, or engaging in gender play with your girl or boyfriends, or simply yourself, can all be nice ways to explore things. If you don't try to validate your feelings with transitioning rules (which don't exist anyway... not in that way anyway), and simply try different things out (safely/respectfully), you should discover over time the path(s) you wish to further explorer or take. Again, a great therapist can really help here.
Regarding religion and leaving things up to God... I personally feel religious questions are best kept for the religious areas of the forum or with your religious friends/parish/group. With that said, whomever created human beings did so with a brain which must think and a body which must take action to achieve anything, so the implication seems to be that any God would want you to find your own answers through your own actions (i.e., posting questions here, seeing a gender therapist, or wherever your wisdom guides you to learn and improve yourself).
Best of luck with your transition exploration! ... and really consider finding a good gender therapist if you can so you can come out to the therapist about your gender issues and talk directly to a professional.
-Ashley
