Currently I feel i could be getting a step closer to a process in transisitioning. Therapy. Due to some health issues I've been painfully, but knowingly avoiding since puberty, it's at the push point where I must do something, otherwise I'll be forced to transition due to lack of any hormones at all. I'd stressed since 3 years ago when I found out what transgender was and which finally put a name to my feeling, how to pay for the process. I also had to deal with family that was tolerant, but not really (won't get into that). Now since i've still been ignoring what my body has been telling me, it finally gave me a kick late last month, and I said I had to do something.
Now there is a possibility I could go on government health. I'm not enthusiastic about, but on the other hand, I can't ignore the symptoms i'm dealing with. I also realised that, there is a chance i could at least do therapy and necessary surgery with this, should I get it. But that just leaves me wondering about hormones and chest surgery. I still have my own fears about hormones, but yet I've been working hard on myself to deal with as many of my behaviourial issues as possible so that some of those fears are no longer relevant. Because when and if I can get surgery, I know 100% I would need to take some kind of hormone for my health, and well being, and slowly I'm coming closer and closer to terms with the eventual need for testosterone. I'd even bee happy taking a balance of both so that I can reach a range of hormone that is comfortable and feels right to me. But it would definitely lean into the masculine range.
Therapy will be important and necessary now anyway, because what I have not been able to heal of my habits and traumas on my own, I must work with another person to see what else is going on and other ways of dealing. I've honestly tried all I can on my own, and now I'm ready to atleast start working on the other with gender issues getting talked about and dealt with also.
