This guy I met online...

[JenniferLopezgomez]

I have dated many men sexually since I transitioned to full-time womanhood a year ago. I tell each man within the first 5 minutes of online conversation that I am trans if they don't already know that. Most continue talking to me when they learn that but a few dont. So what. Doesnt waste my time or feelings or theirs.

These female HRT hormones have made me feel super attracted to MEN. Cannot seem to get enough of what they -- um -- "have." < giggles > And they want me -- so go with the fun!

They come to me online. When I want to see about other possible men, I just accept more pending friend requests on whatever site I am on. Just be upfront with these guys -- it is only fair. I don't have to chase them at all -- they chase me. It sure is great being the girl I am.

I recommend you almost immediately tell them you are trans -- avoids a lot of problems and time-wasting for both you and your potential date.

[lashingkarma]

i persionaly would feel wrong if i didnt tell a guy before meeting up with them

[KarlMars]

If you don't tell him before meeting this could be a situation where you get groped and then when found out harassed because you weren't what he expected.

Ask him first what he thinks about trans women and if he would date one.

How deep is this relationship? Do you have shared interests? Is it only based on looks?

[Annaiyah]

UPDATE:

It's kind of interesting because when our online affiliation had began, we had exchanged numbers (already covered earlier in this thread) and he and i started texting back and forth, but it started to bother me that he was texting me every five seconds because it was a bit more than what I bargained for. He did call me once and we spoke briefly until I closed it up because it was getting kind of late.

Some time that night, is when i told him i was trans but he said it was okay because i had a nice body or whatever. But gradually his texts to me got slower and slower and that started to bother me only because i kind of looked forward to meeting this guy in person and now that doesn't seem too likely.

I don't think (or it might) it has anything to do with me being trans because i did tell him i was trans and after that he continued to keep talking to me. On the website where we met, he claims he lost my number. I did call him so he could have my number again and I did tell him i was going to be in the downtown area on Thursday (which happens to be tomorrow) since i have to go to the doctors for my bi-weekly estrogen injection anyway and if he wanted to meet me face-to-face that was his chance. He was like "oh, yeah, we'll figure something out, don't worry, blah blah blah" and that was that.

He only sent me like... two texts yesterday, spanning only an hour's timespan. Mind you, my phone voice does sound kind of fake... something like a guy putting on a phony female voice but if you were to speak to me in person, my feminine voice sounds fine, just not over the phone. But like I already said like a dozen already he does know I'm trans! He never said anything to me about being trans in the texts but I just told him via a pm on the site and he said he was okay with it and that was that.

I'm at that point where i'm ready to delete his number but I'm only keeping it so then that way if he calls or texts i'll know to ignore if and when he does!

So... there you have it. A man who meets a woman over the internet who live relatively near each other but slowly loses interest in that woman once he learns she's trans. 

[Ashey]

It's happened to me a bunch of times, even after meeting or even having a successful date. I'm not convinced being trans is the cause. I actually think it's more them than me. Guys are frustrating. -_-

[Laura_7]

So... there you have it. A man who meets a woman over the internet who live relatively near each other but slowly loses interest in that woman once he learns she's trans. 

Not necessarily.
Sometimes if it starts with that many mails in the beginning it fizzles out.

You might send him a mail really talking to him:
you like him (not promising too much with this...)
and that you noticed he withdrew a bit.
You'd like to know why ... what is the reason ?
Is it your being trans ?
And you might ask him to speak openly ... so you could really talk about what it is ...

if you keep the mail in an agreeable tone (not like omg I'm going to freak out) then he might answer truthfully...
maybe he needs a bit of nudging, a second question...

but if done this way there are no second thoughs later like what did he really think ... etc...

and it might  -just might - be something that brings you closer together if you talk really openly about it.

If not..
other mothers also have nice and handsome sons


*hugs*

[PotionsNPowders]

I'm proud of you for sharing your truth with him. That was very brave and honest, and I think that speaks volumes about how special you are.

Just remember, no matter what happens, you are a miracle and every part of you is beautiful.

If you speak to him again, I would encourage him to ask questions about your transition. If he has never been interested in a trans woman before, learning more about you may help him feel more comfortable about experiencing something new.

If he doesn't or can't accept you for being trans, you dodged a bullet in my opinion because you would have been stuck with a real idiot, and having an idiot for a partner would have been pretty lousy.

You have all my support, and I hope everything turns out well for you!

[GeekGirl]

Let me just say that I've met hundreds and hundreds of people in person in straight places, gay places, whatever places. I've met people who were totally cool with me being trans and others who just stopped communicating with me when they found out. The latter were few but still existed. The ones who continued talking to me could be broken into two groups. The first is the fetishist. This group knows your trans or knew you were or suspected you were trans already and were just waiting for you to say something. They will stick with you because you're just another interesting and unusual experience to them. I would avoid these types of people at all costs. You are much more than someone's fetish fantasy. The second group will be amazed because they don't know what the hell trans is. They will ask you all sorts of questions, to the point that it might even become so ->-bleeped-<-ing strange to continue having a relationship of any sort with them. Being trans does not define who I am. My hobbies, interests, and other things I do make up who I am, but they will continue to ask because they are curious and want to know more. This is human nature. Sometimes it's cool to respond and help people learn, but sometimes it's annoying.

I would be very careful with anyone you meet on a dating site or forum because some of those people are totally insane. It's better to meet someone in a public place with other people around you who might be able to help you in case you get in trouble. I remember all the times I went out with guys who didn't know and I always had one hand on the handle of my door just in case he'd throw a punch and I had to get out of his car quickly.

What will work in your favor is if you actually look absolutely convincing. This will help ease the tension quite a bit because in some of these people's minds, they will reason that if you looked a certain way, then God must've intended you to be that way. However, if they think you look like a man in a disguise, they will unfortunately treat you like one. Behavior is also important. If you act absolutely convincing, that is better than acting like a masculine truck driver.

One bit of advice I will give you is to totally make eye contact. Read the guy's face and look for any signs of danger. If you act all meek and look down all the time or look away, you will never be able to gauge the guy's intentions and before you know it, he'll get you in an uncomfortable situation and something bad might happen. Always keep an eye out for danger and be ready to flee in case the situation looks bad.

Yes, you can tell him everything up front and hope for the best, but some people will just bypass you without giving you a chance to know you. There are people who might think marginally like creeps but that's only because they've been conditioned to do so by bad "friends." Some of those people eventually grow up and take responsibility for their own actions and outgrow their bad friends.

[Ashey]

What will work in your favor is if you actually look absolutely convincing. This will help ease the tension quite a bit because in some of these people's minds, they will reason that if you looked a certain way, then God must've intended you to be that way. However, if they think you look like a man in a disguise, they will unfortunately treat you like one. Behavior is also important. If you act absolutely convincing, that is better than acting like a masculine truck driver.

Unfortunately, this is a big thing. Possibly the biggest thing. You can cite scientific studies, philosophy, spirituality, etc. to people until you're blue in the face, but people make their first judgments based on appearance. I think society can accept a trans person if they absolutely look and fit the gender they present as. But when you deviate from that, that's when people start hatin'. This goes for cis people too.

[GeekGirl]

Unfortunately, this is a big thing. Possibly the biggest thing. You can cite scientific studies, philosophy, spirituality, etc. to people until you're blue in the face, but people make their first judgments based on appearance. I think society can accept a trans person if they absolutely look and fit the gender they present as. But when you deviate from that, that's when people start hatin'. This goes for cis people too.

Exactly. I have seen so many genetic women get verbally and physically abused by strangers, coworkers, etc. that it's a serious problem. It's quite easy to see that the media is at fault, always trying to promote "the perfect body or face" to dolts and Dilberts sitting on couches. I have seen once beautiful women get trashed by people just because they're now old. That's totally unfair. Instead of looking at the totality of a person's life and her accomplishments, her current worth is simply centered on how she looks now.

[Laura_7]

Exactly. I have seen so many genetic women get verbally and physically abused by strangers, coworkers, etc. that it's a serious problem. It's quite easy to see that the media is at fault, always trying to promote "the perfect body or face" to dolts and Dilberts sitting on couches. I have seen once beautiful women get trashed by people just because they're now old. That's totally unfair. Instead of looking at the totality of a person's life and her accomplishments, her current worth is simply centered on how she looks now.

Well imo its all interconnected...
if you have a healthy lifestyle, healthy food and enough relaxation it should show too ...  imo ...

*hugs*

[GarryLynn]

(Don't read this with a mad or hateful tone, I'm just stressing the importance) That's not something you keep a secret. At all. ESPECIALLY with a guy! You don't know how bad that is trust me. Tell him ASAP. I would say something like "did I tell u I was trans??" Or something, don't make it dramatic AT ALL, be as casual as you can. I'm serious, you don't know how important it is for them to know in the dating world, even if it shouldn't be a big deal or not, IT IS

Please understand this importance~

[Annaiyah]

It is absolutely over between me and him, and you know what? I'm just fine with that.

Am i really fine with it? To be honest, i'm still a little disappointed that wage never even gave me a chance. He never called or texted me asking me if i still wanted to meet him in Philadelphia somewhere, and i'm not going to initiate a phone conversation with him of any sort. But i still looked forward to being with him. He was what i looked forward to in a dating partner.

He's white, of Italian decent, i'm black. He is 29 or 30, i'm 25.

I don't care so much about a guy being any race in particular but it was just that i like the idea of me, a black woman dating a white man, even a black transgender woman dating a white cis straight man. Also, regardless of race or color, i like older men and would prefer them.

Mind you, i'm not yet into the surgical phase of my transition. I'm on my hormones and undergoing laser and electrolysis but i'm still a pre-op trans woman. Even though a part of me is still attracted to women i'm starting to get to the point where i fantasize about men a lot, men being intimate and sexual with me as a woman.

But to drive home my point if this man can't deal with me being trans, i don't need him because i deserve better and so i don't wanna deal with guys like that (what trans woman does anyway?), and there are trans-attracted men who won't see me as some sexual fantasy, who will past me being transgender and see me as just a woman and actually treat me as such.

That's all i'm saying.

Edit:

(Don't read this with a mad or hateful tone, I'm just stressing the importance) That's not something you keep a secret. At all. ESPECIALLY with a guy! You don't know how bad that is trust me. Tell him ASAP. I would say something like "did I tell u I was trans??" Or something, don't make it dramatic AT ALL, be as casual as you can. I'm serious, you don't know how important it is for them to know in the dating world, even if it shouldn't be a big deal or not, IT IS

Please understand this importance~

I know! You're always supposed to tell guys you're trans for two reasons; 1: it's never a good or safe idea to trick straight guys into thinking you're a cis woman because he may only want to be with what most of the cis community consider a "real woman", who was actually assigned female at birth and just think how he would feel if months into the relationship he finds you out? 2: being born one gender and transitioning to the other is something that's a little important to not tell your significant other and if you feel like you have to keep something like that from a guy for him to keep you it most likely wasn't meant to be.

I don't wanna be that girl who ends up being killed just because she didn't let her boyfriend know about her being transgender ahead of time.

One bit of advice I will give you is to totally make eye contact. Read the guy's face and look for any signs of danger. If you act all meek and look down all the time or look away, you will never be able to gauge the guy's intentions and before you know it, he'll get you in an uncomfortable situation and something bad might happen. Always keep an eye out for danger and be ready to flee in case the situation looks bad.

It's funny you should say that. I'm a real girly girl and i am that girl who is quiet, shy, and timid, and i tend to be quite submissive and i'm not a fighter at all. I mean, if i need to i will but if there's a safe exit i'm taking it.

[Camillarose]

I always tell a guy after we have texted for a bit and/or are in the process of arranging a meeting. I feel that it first allows us to have a brief connection so it's not like telling a total stranger. I have also just told guys from the very first message but most of the time they stop responding of express their lack of interest. It helps for them to get to know you first a little bit. But I never wait to tell them for their sake and more importantly mine.

[aeon jiminy]

I think you handled this very well.

As in any relationship, we can't control what others do.

And sometimes these online things fizzle out quickly regardless of the situation.

[Sapphyra]

I'm in kind of deep.

So I met this guy online. He doesn't know i'm trans at all.

On the website where we met, he'd been messaging me frequently and we kind of went from there. He does live relatively near me. He seems like a really nice guy.

I do look a little different than I do in the pictures, not drastically though. But I'm still feeling nervous about telling him I'm trans and seeing I look different in the pictures.

We did exchange numbers and we would text since last night. He called me last night too and we briefly spoke. Today he's frequently texting me again.

I wanted to meet him in person, like at a mall or something well populated. That's when if ever I'll tell him I'm transgender.

What do you guys think of this situation.

I never tell guys I am trans, very rarely if I know they're not judgemental and whatnot. We are trying to be women here in every possible way, not just mentally, I find it pointless (my personal opinion) to tell someone you're trans if you want to be perceived like a real woman, unless you're absolutely not passable.
It's a personal choice, you can or cannot tell him, it is completely up to you.

Note: In my own personal experience, trans people are seen as a fetish for most guys that do want us, a "macho" straight male wont even get anywhere near us if they know; so my best bet is to try and date bi or bi-curious males, those seem to tolerate being different better.

[KarlMars]

It is absolutely over between me and him, and you know what? I'm just fine with that.

Am i really fine with it? To be honest, i'm still a little disappointed that wage never even gave me a chance. He never called or texted me asking me if i still wanted to meet him in Philadelphia somewhere, and i'm not going to initiate a phone conversation with him of any sort. But i still looked forward to being with him. He was what i looked forward to in a dating partner.

I'm glad to hear you're over because before I read this I was going to say something to the effect that the remark about your body sounds like he was only interested in your body and I didn't know if that's what you wanted or not. This situation sounded creepy to me. Being a female you have to be especially careful and protect your femininity. I don't mean to condescend. You made a good decision by leaving him.

Bless you.

[KarlMars]

Note: In my own personal experience, trans people are seen as a fetish for most guys that do want us, a "macho" straight male wont even get anywhere near us if they know; so my best bet is to try and date bi or bi-curious males, those seem to tolerate being different better.

This is very true that you may be fetishized. You may not know it,forgive me if you do, but you're lucky that a macho straight man won't want you because they are as a rule very abusive and controlling. Not always, but mostly. Many of them think they have the right to pull you around by your hair.

[tsroxy]

Aww *hug* sad to read it derailed, a lot of people can't look past the trans part but you can't really blame them though..
It'll scare many away, accepting the fact you're trans is often hard on yourself, so some macho guy won't really be openminded about it,
even when your personality matches. Not worth to grief over, just a new experience to learn from.

[GeekGirl]

So here's something cool. I met this guy on a dating site last year and he didn't know I was trans until I revealed it to him on our third date. He was completely surprised, but it didn't phase him. His response? He was even more fascinated with me, not in a freaky, fetishy way, but in a "you must have gone through a lot" way. The reason why I told him was he was telling me about his best friend who was transitioning to be a woman and how her appearance was not quite right yet. After dinner and drinks, he drove me close to my home and I had one hand on the door handle ready to bolt out of his car in case he wanted to kill me (he was a sweet guy but a black belt in Tae Kwan Do).

"Well, wait, did you know I'm like that?" I said in response to his story about his friend.
"Like what?" he said.
"I'm like that. I'm trans," I said.
(pause)
"You are?!" he said.
"Yeah," I said, clasping onto the door handle more securely.
"Well, if you are, you're the best looking one I've seen!" he said.

And it was all good stuff from that point on. We're friends, we go out as friends, and we chat and text each other and there's no freaky ->-bleeped-<- like guys who are ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-s do. He wished we could be more than just friends, but I told him I can't, that I'm in a committed relationship (my partner is trans, too), and he's respected that boundary ever since I told him. (I met him when my partner and I were not together.) Every time I see him, we talk about IT consulting, food, and martial arts. I think that if I didn't look the way I do, I would never have been able to meet him or other guys in the first place. I'm careful who I reveal my background to because Philly has lots of stories of trans people getting hurt or murdered (of course, these people are usually in a different situation than I'm in, but still). So this is one example of how a girl can be lucky meeting the right kind of person.