Last Wednesday night I got my phone taken away. My privacy was breached; my dad and my stepmom went though every little nook and cranny of that thing. I've lost my device for a couple weeks for deleting messages regarding things I didn't want to look back on and read all the time.
What I find disturbing is that 1) it's a violation of my privacy and 2) I could just talk to people face-to-face and leave no evidence behind, so if I really wanted to hide something I could EASILY just do that.
My privacy is already violated pretty badly. I'm not even allowed to have a door on my bedroom. The excuse is that my bedroom is really a storage room and that the doorway is an unusually small size... But I need to have something still. Even a curtain would be great, although I believe I have every right to having a locking door on my bedroom.
It's not like I'm plotting murder or something, right? The worst I could do is masturbate, but as an asexual person that really doesn't sound fun anyway (my personal views also say that it's not a crime to be into that either... dunno about my dad's though).
I should still have privacy regardless of what I do back there. I've had to resort to going in my sister's room for a couple hours to hang out with them instead. That's probably why I feel relieved when I go to take a shower. It's one of the only times I get true privacy in that house.
Also, they don't really know how to take a joke evidently. I had a friend write a weird story in September 2014. It was only 10 sentences or so long and it was an abstract story about someone in a keyboarding class. The person had a strange fetish regarding corn (yes, the kind you grow in the field and cook in butter). It was a stupid and dumb joke, but they found this and seriously began to wonder if I was the person in the story. Seriously? Okay, I know I'm a strange person at times, but I am not at all sexually attracted to... corn?
I can't believe they take some of that stuff so seriously... I mean, I'm not even the one who started this dumb paragraph... Sometimes teenagers will have a strange sense of humor (adults too, even in their 40's+). It's healthier than alcohol, smoking weed, and getting STDs anyway.
(No offense to anyone out there who might have a legitimate corn fetish. It's just clearly never been my thing.)
There's just been a LOT of stupid stuff like this since the phone search. Unfortunately, they know of my crossdressing now, as well as a handful of other things I do to keep in touch with my true self. It's not even horribly bad stuff, and I'm pretty private about it at this time. Regardless, they think it's taken a massive negative toll on my mental health, when in fact it has done absolutely the opposite. I think they're going to try to do stuff to make me behave more like a cisman.
My dad left me a note on Thursday morning, basically apologizing for the "talk" we had the night before. It also offered big, open, and supportive arms. He wants me to open up and talk more. But are these REALLY supportive arms? Unfortunately, the rest of the family sees the reality in it. My dad is trying to fake me out here. Anytime I'm not around, my Dad says that it's just a phase that's lasting a really really long time for some reason (Oh gee, I wonder why it hasn't gone away yet...). I'll trust him to take me to therapy, and I want him to take himself to a gender-inclined therapist in particular so that he can better understand what's going on.
There's a ton more going on, but I think everyone gets the idea. Everything kinda just exploded. I'm going through a rough time right now. I haven't felt this stressed out since coming out to them. I don't know what to do. I'm going to go with the flow and hope for the best for the next week or two.
The dominoes continue to tumble...
