Quote from: crystalwishes on March 07, 2016, 04:22:49 PM
anyone else dealing with wife, partner constantly freaking out on them? How do you get them to calm down enough so you can talk?
I'm the wife here, so I can only address it from this side. You have to try to understand it from our perspective: our entire world feels like it's been ripped to shreds. It almost feels like we're finding out we're now married to a complete stranger when we thought we knew our husbands quite well. It takes some getting used to and everything she's feeling is quite normal. I was freaked out, I felt betrayed, insecure, lied to, misled, duped, and on some days I was down right hostile. I was also incredibly depressed all the time and battled some incredible insomnia. It was a good 2 weeks before I could talk to my husband without a proverbial chip on my shoulder. Give her some time, give her some space, answer her questions, reassure her that you want to figure it out together.
In our situation, it wasn't until I was brutally honest with my husband about how I could not possibly stay with him if he transitioned to a woman that we started working together to discover how we can make this work for both of us and keep our marriage intact. That was nearly 2 months ago. We still don't have it figured out, but I'm a lot more rational about it these days and I'm still struggling to come to terms with a lot of things.
But honestly, how do you guys really expect us to react to this news? To expect us to immediately be onboard is incredibly unrealistic. Yes, it would make it a lot easier for you, but the reality is that it doesn't usually work that way. It takes an incredible, exhausting amount of effort on both sides.
Bottom line: give her some time and don't make any sudden changes to your daily routine or regiment until she's gotten used to the idea. And take it from me, don't start ordering the lingerie, new clothes, and shoes immediately because when those things start arriving and not in our size, we can get pretty darn hostile.
