I've been trying my hardest to be understanding of my dad's feelings. I thought he was doing better because we'd been having normal conversations and things were generally OK. Yesterday, I came home from an outing with my sister and he saw that I was wearing a wig, but no makeup and he flipped out. He said that if I was going to wear that ->-bleeped-<- around the house, then he'd really kick my arse out.
Again, I am basically his caregiver. I take care of so much of his stuff, financial and otherwise. I realize parents have expectations, fears and all this other crap when it comes to their kids... but there comes a point where you have to understand that "kids" are grown up. Yeah, I live under "his" roof as he always likes to put it. But I take care of a hell of a lot and I do contribute. I'm also an adult, who can make choices for myself and face the consequences of those choices.
Sometimes I feel like telling him that he can just take care of his own crap and I'll just move on. It's just sad cause my sister is going to be leaving the state soon and my brother might be leaving as well. Neither one of them has the patience to take care of him and his own grand kids don't even like to visit him cause he's such a bitter old man. When they come over they spend all their time with me or their dad.
I understand my mom a lot better these days and I really wish I had the strength that she did. I don't know how she put up with his crap for so many years. It's so frustrating cause I want to move on, but I feel guilty leaving him to fend for himself. It just would feel so much nicer if he could learn to pick his battles. I mean getting upset over things like hair or clothing or jewelry is just so stupid. I could understand him wanting to intervene if I were sitting around doing nothing or if I were a drug addict or something...
I just honestly don't know what to do. I can only go so slow. My transition is happening a lot more quickly than I thought it would and I can't hide a lot of what is happening to me for much longer. I know I am not personally ready to publicly present more female, but I would like to feel a little comfortable being myself in my own home.
Sorry for the ramble. I'm not really expecting much in the way of answers or advice. I know I'm going to be stupid and stay in this situation cause it's what I always do. I feel guilty even thinking about leaving him to take care of himself... and that's how my mom was too.
