See this is the thing, I know I shouldn't have and maybe I cannot write this here but I do think this is important to those of us that are frightened and scared of being who we are.
I got to an age where I could no longer live as me at age 18 I started smoking,
From no where smoking turned into regular cannabis smoking from the moment I got up in the morning to the second before I went to bed.
I was doing around half a bar of cannabis per month.
On top of this I was drinking Jack Daniels out the bottle and mixing in other class A drugs.
It got to a point where I started to self harm and live to get high and drink just so I could damage myself.
I bought a burrdizzo off the Internet and used that on my testicles a few times but this did not work.
I injected myself with many different things into my testes and eventually after great pain managed to kill one of them and damage the other.
I will not say how I did this as it may be not allowed ?
It was after this that I realised if I continued down this route I would kill myself.
I started self dosing and I felt so much better, oestrogen and t.blocker.
I stopped taking drugs been clean for ten years now.
I stopped smoking and recently with the start of my legit hormones I stopped drinking alcohol too.
So really my issue is this...
When I was self dosing my oestrogen was in the 600s
And my testosterone was 0.7
Now I'm taking the prescribed amounts my oestrogen has fallen to 157
And my testosterone risen to 0.9
I know I have only been on the correct levels for a couple of months but I'm hoping there is nothing wrong with me and that all I need do is increase my dosage.
I have already called my gender clinic I will keep hounding them until I get an answer.
Let me please add.
I am now 36.
I never wanted to kill myself but I didn't much enjoy life either, I never stopped to think what I was doing to myself because stopping to think hurt too much.
My story could have been much worse I could have died, God knows why but for some reason I didn't.
I am not ashamed of my past but neither am I proud, I would never recommend people self dose if you need help please seek it.
Being me isn't as hard as I thought it would be and I wasted so much time.
Don't hide away like I did. Find yourself you are strong enough x.