What does it take to "come out" as trans?

[Maddie]

Sure hope it doesn't require a press conference...

Hi,
I'm wondering if there are degrees to coming out as trans...(in my case, trans-woman... i think!).  I'm somewhat perplexed by some other trans folks I've recently met who say they've come out, but seemingly only in the internet world. Whereas I'm less "out" on the internet, but more comfortable "out" in public. No judging here- I Respect anyone's right to privacy and caution!! Personally, I'm choosing to show myself more in life, because even in man-mode I've often hid myself and shut out others, possibly giving the impression that I was hiding something...   

Here's a few items about my situation for your reading pleasure and hopefully some feedback:

I've been sharing my cross-dressing and inner female leanings with selected people all of my life, but wasn't always aware of the term transgender until fairly recently. 

To date, I've told my mother (who I told long ago, but have to remind, bless her), plus 15-20 current friends.  There are groups of aquaintances (work and personal) who I have so far intentionally avoided letting know .

I have not changed or posted anything on my facebook profile to indicate an obvious trans persona.  This is likely to change, as dressing publicly is becoming almost daily for me. My hair is long.  Sometimes my presentation is probably subtle enough that many people won't get it.  After all, many females wear jeans and  little of no makeup/jewelry, so when I dress like that, I'm probably likely read as a man, even if I'm wearing a woman's top and J-Lo jeans  

I'm posting this at a public library terminal wearing makeup and fake boobs.   A couple of days ago, I went to a meeting at my credit union wearing makeup, jewelry, and clothes (but using my still-male legal name and documentation).  I will spare you a list of places and things I've gone to in girl-mode...

I have made a couple of dozen new aquaintances in my female mode and name, including the neighbors in my apartment building, who seem to be accepting me and my different name, looks and mannerisms.

Isn't this "coming out"?  At least it's getting out...

[purplewuggybird]

I would personally consider you pretty out...but it is a personal definition.


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[Maddie]

Hi purplemuggybird. 
You have a wonderful profile name.
Thank you so much for replying. 
Yeah, I figured I'm out there already, but I was questioning myself,  based on another trans-persons comment to me
Other people may think I don't know what's going on, because I haven't spent as much time reading internet forums or news as they have. 
I just want to keep living life.

[WallabyWallop]

Really Tomika, the answer to your question is up to you since coming out is a very personal milestone. I don't see any problem with you coming out slowly or more suddenly, as long as you're comfortable with the pace of your transition.

I'm in a similar boat, actually. I'm in the closet and a similar number of close friends know, although I haven't worn anything out in public yet. I am building up a solid supply of clothes, practicing makeup, and training my voice. There is a local gay bar that I used to go to and I plan to make my first public appearance there. Once I feel confident in how I present myself, I'm going to inform my family in a letter then go public over facebook about a week later, new name, new pronouns, new pictures. All of my official documents will be updated as soon as possible.

For me, I can't live switching between a 'man-mode' and a 'woman-mode' when only one of those two truly makes me happy.

But again, this is just how I'm choosing to come out; there's no right or wrong way to do it.

Although if you're already dressing up, I'd love to see some pics, girl 

[Rachel]

I would say you are pretty much out.

As you gain comfort and more people you know see you it will be harder to go into male dress.

[Maddie]

Thank you, Rachel Lyn!  It is already becoming difficult to wear male clothes, except in certain work situations where it would be a problem not to. Even when I wear pants, they're womens' now usually, and I haven't even worn my favorite cool (men's style) shirt for quite a while.

WallabyWallop, going by your profile photo, it looks like your makeup and presentation practice is going quite well!  I would love to show you one of my photos, but I'm pretty sure this site's rules won't let me do that yet.  (Something about post counts and ranks..."sir, yes ma'am!")  I admire your restraint, and practicing your skills and voice before going out.  Myself, I tend to jump in first and think later. It doesn't always work out grand for me, but it seems to be my nature

[WallabyWallop]

You can start sharing pictures at 15 posts, so you're almost there. And hey, again, however you feel comfortable coming out is the way you should come do it.

In regards to makeup, I have a really good teacher so I advise everyone to grab a friend who is a serious makeup buff and see if they're willing to give you a hand. I started to use YouTube makeup video tutorials, which are very helpful but often require a very foundational knowkedge, which I did not have prior. I can only really do one look right now by meticulously following my friend's instructions.

But you know what they say, "Practice, practice, practice!"

[Ms Grace]

A lot of it depends on how much you want to live a particular way. If you want to live exclusively as the gender you were not assigned as at birth then eventually you need to be all the way out about that to people who know you as the assigned gender. If it's more of a part time/casual/evolving endeavour then you are as out as you need to be. The biggest difficulty with that approach is when some aspect of your life in the out camp crosses lines with an aspect in the in camp. It will happen, sometimes with no real issues, sometimes with fireworks...just have a plan of how to deal with that and you'll be fine.

[Maddie]

These world of mine are bound to collide, Ms Grace. Hope I can survive the fireworks...You have a beautiful smile, btw 

WallabyWallop,  seem to be cosmetically-challenged  and could really use a makeup mentor!  I continue to seek one out among my female aquaintences, and pick up hints where I can.