So basically I feel frustrated. I'm preop but I expect to get my SRS done sometime early next year. I'm a year in on HRT and besides not getting much physically I feel as confused as ever sexually. So whenever I'm doing something of that nature, I feel like a girl for a few then I get frustrated because I realize the parts are wrong. This happens about every time. So then my mind shifts over and not only am I doing the act with boy parts, my mind... makes me feel like I'm a boy too. Sadly it feels way better too. And
I CAN'T STAND IT. I feel undermined because we as transpeople have to jump through sooooo many hoops to get our letters and everything and these little doubts are basically used as evidence that you might not be trans and that this surgery might not be for you. I've seen it used by peers and sometimes professionals. So then I'm just sitting there wondering if I like it more because I get frustrated, despair, and (for a few moments) the mental feeling matches up with my equipment or if this just might be a real warning not to go any further with transitioning. What compounds this is that I'm mostly interested in women. I always have been and I wonder if it's because I feel I should just use my current equipment that way because vaginal is penetration and I'm not into anal right now. I have no idea and when I forget about my physical mental mismatch, sometimes boys become really attractive to me.
The reason I'm asking this here is because people reading this tend to have gone very far with transitioning. I'd like to know if the way you experience sex has changed and if so, at what point? If you understand what I wrote above (probably not
) do you experience times when your mismatched body and your gender identity actually match up? And does SRS play a role in any of this, such as negating the frustration that leads you to feel more masculine?
Thanks everyone I really appreciate it!!
