Still not out, but feeling more confident.

[Avinia]

I still haven't felt brave enough to come out to my family, which I guess I am just realizing today, is kind of dumb.

But I now have my first friend in about 2 years, whom I only met because we have two classes together in college, and generally am just having a nice time in college this semester. I also got to experience the first real snow day of the year, which only lasted a day but it was still pretty cool, and was the first time I have really had time to talk to my dad in a while, mainly about photography and digital audio, but now I realize that talking to him isn't as bad as I expected.

Tonight has been a pretty bad night though, mainly due, once again, to my brother. I think he has the entire family mad at him now, which I find ironic since I always thought that I was going to be the one who would be hated by the entire family... But in his case, it really does seem like he is pushing us away and choosing his girlfriend and her family over us. While for me, one of the big reasons I haven't come out is because I wanted to try and preserve the relationships I have with my family.

So there is my kind of update on my life while I try to work on coming out. I guess as time goes on and as my brother really tests the limits of my family, I gain more and more confidence in my ability to come out and not be disowned. Now to go get some sleep...

[Obfuskatie]

Seems like a perfect time to come out IMO. But don't get down on yourself, coming out is hard.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[haeden]

Yeah I agree. Your brother already has the family in a tizzy so you telling your family now may work out in your favor. I know when I told my mom I was gay I used my brother as a way in. I was like "well since dad kind of still likes Malcolm for being gay do you think he will still like me?" so if I was in your situation (not saying you should. Do what you feel is right) I'd totally be like "sheesh at least me being transgender hasn't changed how I treat you guys and that's gonna last. This girlfriend might not"
But I'm awkward af and tend to make everything awkward but slightly funny

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk

[DAWN MID GIRL]

Hi Avinia, sounds like your opportunity has arrived.

BY FOR NOW

[Avinia]

I am aiming to come out pretty soon, since that is kind of how I was hoping the conditions would be, where the focus would still be on my brother, but not so much that it causes my parents to be stressed out.

I might try tomorrow or the day after since I found out my dad is actually not going to be getting back from his camping trip until Monday afternoon/evening, but I don't know. I still think the best option is to tell my mom first, then my dad.

I was thinking about possible reactions again, and while a negative reaction would really suck, I think I would rather have a negative reaction, than a neutral reaction, like I suspect may happen. Because at least with a negative or positive reaction, you kind of know that that is how they actually feel at the time of coming out, but with a neutral reaction, I feel like it would still be like you hadn't come out at all since you still wouldn't know how they feel.

I hope that kind of made sense, currently very tired from hiking 7 miles with a bunch of photography equipment today.

[haeden]

No it makes sense. It's like with a positive you know they gave you the green light to and be you or at least be more open about who you are. With a negative they give you a red light but at least they know now and you can try and get them to see where you're coming from. But with no reaction you don't know what to do. You don't know if they are cool with it and just how cool they are with it. Or if they aren't cool at all with it. For me I'd take a neutral over a negative but I don't live with my family and we talk but not often (we are close but so bad at communicating) but in general I'm really quick to cut people out of my life (all but one girl

[haeden]

....not sure why only part of my message sent but oh well! I forgot to add in there that if you feel closer to your mom you should definitely tell her first she will see how much this means to you and eventually come to. That is to say she has a reaction that is anything but positive. This is a pretty big thing to drop so it's understandable if someone needs time to understand what it all means. Your dad seems to be the scary one here (scary like I'd be terrified to tell him not scary like a drill sergeant) so let your mom ease him into it

Sent from my A0001 using Tapatalk

[2fish]

Personally, I'm not close to my parents. Coming out as liking women when I was a teen didn't go so well. This time I'm an adult and decided that if my parents loved me then they wouldn't care if I transitioned. I decided not to tell them but was financially stable in case I got kicked out. Unfortunately I was kicked out but by my step parent. It happens. Now my parents do love me but they don't understand. I've been on t for over a year now and I'm also 6 months post op. My parents decided against coming with me when I had surgery so basically I was on my own. Life can be cruel. I've been making my peace with it. I can't force them to do anything they don't want to do. I won't give ultimatum either. Not telling them about transition gave me more control over my life and wouldn't have had it any other way. As adults we have to decide what is right for us and make are choices. My family isn't cruel or abusive to me and we don't talk about my transition.  They also don't call me by my chosen name which is my legal name and they misgender me. It is a pain but I don't correct them. I'm hopeful that one day they will start to call me their son. For now, I sit in silence. I've had people tell me that they tried to talk to my parents but they stayed quiet and people feel bad for them instead. I always tell people to just let my parents be because one day they will get it.

Sent from my SD4930UR using Tapatalk

[Avinia]

I did try working on my voice today, wasn't as hard as I was expecting since I guess I kind of already make myself talk in a more feminine voice when not around my family(it started as my "shy" voice when I was younger, then I guess just stuck around and now actually am thankful for it). Now I just need time when no one is around to practice(I think I have about 2-3 days a week when my family isn't home).

I was thinking back on coming out to my friends years ago. I completely forgot that my one friend told me his mom saw the email, and said that she always thought I was gay.. I just think that whole thing turned out a lot better than it could have. I also am glad, that as far as I know, my friend never talked about it behind my back.

I do have a feeling still, that everyone in my family has kind of been expecting me to come out as gay, so maybe when I do come out as transgender it won't be too big of a shock? I don't know. I am just kind of trying to stay in a good mood... Now off to bed so I can get up early for college.

[WallabyWallop]

I've read consistently that it is a good idea to come out to family by writing a letter. That's what I plan to do when it comes time to tell my parents.

The rationale is that you're able to choose the perfect words and explain your situation without being interrupted or getting flustered (a very likely problem in my case). This also prevents any super negative knee-jerk reactions. Even if your folks are greatly taken aback at the idea of you being trans, sleeping on it will give them time to reflect and get their priorities straight, rathrr than say something they might regret later.

You can google "coming out letters" to get some sample ideas. Most of them are people who are coming out as gay or lesbian, rather than transgender, however I think they're still useful to give you an idea of what to write.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck whenever you choose to come out 

[Avinia]

I have been thinking a bit more lately about coming out through an email, just because I am finding it kind of scary to come out face to face now and I did come out to my friends through email in the past. Also that way I could not worry about them finding a handwritten letter too early, and I could save it as a draft then send the email when I know I am going to be gone most of the day.

I may go that route when I find a day that I feel is a good time(probably after spring break). Also with an email my mom could forward it to her friend who is kind of better at the whole LGBTQ thing, if she feels like it(which I have a feeling is very likely to happen, another reason I want to come out to my mom first).