Do you think it's possible just to totally accept the way you are and be happy

[stephaniec]

Just curious because a lot of us if not all of us have so many conflicts about our bodies and our regrets of not being born right or at least having this terrible conflict between mind and body. Do you think the most practical way to overcome all this angst is to some how find total acceptance of our limitations  whether it's mind or body or whatever. Maybe this is too simplistic of an approach for such a horrendous condition we suffer, but if there was a way to just wake up one morning and say OK I'm not cis gender , I don't have Kadashian hips , etc., but I totally accept all my faults and limitations and I'm going to do this and be happy.

[Ms Grace]

Self acceptance is as simple as saying "hey, I'm OK"... and yet the journey to that realisation can be arduous, tortuous and take many painful, self hate filled years. Part of that is human nature but a larger part of that is breathing in the toxic transphobic attitudes and ignorant beliefs of a largely cis gender society.

[Laura_7]

Well you write about two things.

One is self acceptance the other to be happy.

Imo you can combine the two if you accept what is and have a feeling you go in a direction where things will be more to your liking.

This does not have to be perfect. Just a feeling it goes in the right direction.


*hugs*

[stephaniec]

That's what I'm feeling more each day and the momentum of feeling I'm going in the right direction.

[Deborah]

The only thing that has ever, from the beginning, stood in the way of my own total self acceptance is fear.
Fear of rejection
Fear of ridicule
Fear of losing my job
Fear of a non-existent God
I'm still working on getting over all that.  But as far as how I look and am shaped, I'm ok with that.  I'll fix what I can fix and be happy with the rest.  In many ways I am very thankful for the body I have.  It's nearly indestructible and it never gets sick.  It's extremely healthy and takes readily to diet and exercise.  I look around at most of the CIS people my age and they're falling apart while I keep getting better.  I wouldn't trade that for better looks and hips as they are ephemeral.  So, yes, it is possible to attain total self acceptance as trans with one caveat, and that is proper treatment.  Without that life feels like an abyss of never ending darkness.



Sapere Aude

[Devlyn]

I've never hated myself. For me, transgender was a discovery, nothing more. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[cindianna_jones]

I'm totally fine with ME. I've had thirty years to work on it though. I haven't always felt this way. It took probably 5 years or so after my surgery and after I was married. I am now single and I'm good with that. I'll probably be single for the rest of my life and I'm good with that too. I've also decided that I'm now a lesbian. I'm okay with that too, even if I never find someone to share.

I don't have deep thoughts about all this. I don't analyze myself as a trans woman. I just plan for the future. I'm me and I consider myself a woman.

So, Yeah. I'm good.

[stephaniec]

that's good. I'm finding that each day it's getting better. For me the real pain I'm discovering is that how much I truly needed estrogen.

[cindianna_jones]

that's good. I'm finding that each day it's getting better. For me the real pain I'm discovering is that how much I truly needed estrogen.

I feel the same way. I'm not sure that I need it but it has been many years that I've gone without it.

[stephaniec]

Well, the estrogen helps me compensate for what's between my legs

[.Christy]

yes it's totally possible, albeit it sometimes waxes and wanes for me, but on most days i feel 98% happy and confident in midst of all my flaws. it's not easy, but i accepted being trans for a long time now, even though it put me through complete hell and back; it made me the unique person i am today. now i'm moving away from the physicality of being trans and focusing more on the relationship side of all this and trying to connect with people better (romantically and platonically). sure there'll be new issues arising in the future, but im only living in the present right now and i'll take it one step at a time. 

[RobynD]

I think it is totally possible. Ironically part of the secret for me seems to lie in being less self-focused and more focused on others. That generally is the #1 thing that makes me feel better about myself and body. The more i obsess over details, the more self-critical i become.

...oh and shopping

[stephaniec]

shopping is an amazing therapy

[KayXo]

Only works temporarily, like when you go see your therapist.

[lisarenee]

For me, unlikely. By the time I get surgery, I will likely be in my mid to late 30s. I have missed my childhood, teens, and 20s. I tried to come out and transition when I was a 14. I told the school counselor and he called my parents and told them I was mentally ill (technically "true" under the DSM of that day) and needed serious help to make me realize I was not a girl. I look back and wish I had been accepted like some kids (e.g. Jazz Jennings) are today and had their opportunities. How life would have been different if I had only been able to live as who I really am when I was younger. OTOH, had I gone to school as a girl back then, I would probably have been beaten sh**less and the school would have sided with the bullies.

[EDIT] That said, it is absolutely possible to accept yourself and be happy.

[NataliaDoll]

It's possible that someone could and should accept themselves and love themselves but it's normal to have insecurities at times. I think everyone should find ways to love themselves yes but you think about it it's kind of unhealthy to think absolutely nothing is wrong or accept everything because those types of people are the ones that never change or evolve. Even the most confident trans and cis women have insecurities and yes the ksrdashians have insecurities sometimes as well it's a normal thing as long as you love yourself most of the time.

[cindianna_jones]

shopping is an amazing therapy

I set aside a little each month for when I feel like a "spending binge." Once in a while it will go for things like clothes or beauty products. Usually it goes for something in the kitchen or linens. It doesn't matter. Since I live in the middle of nowhere my shopping center is Amazon. Once or twice a year I drive a good distance to walk through a mall. In all cases it is indeed therapeutic.

[HappyMoni]

I think happiness for people who are trans very much depends  on being able to express their true self. If you have to hide from everyone and cannot find an outlet for being yourself, how can you possibly be happy. Also, the happy trans people are the ones who can shake off society's disapproval at least somewhat.

For me, I have never hated myself, but I was never been happy with myself until I realized I was trans. It saved me, allowing me to be one person instead of two people fighting each other in one body. I would never change it.  Could I be happy if I had to stop my transition? No way. Any thought of my progress being held up makes me crazy. The more I do the better it gets.
Moni

[stephaniec]

It would be impossible to end my transition

[Tessa James]

Yes but....

The qualifiers are our daily interactions with the rest of the world.  Most of the time I am really very happy and often forget that I am also seen as transgender and therefore unacceptable or at least puzzling to others.  Accepting ourselves is a major hurdled and took me a lifetime.  Happiness can also be ephemeral and one reason we enshrined it in our constitution as "The pursuit of..."

Just squeezing my girls gives me a happiness surge whenever I need it on this journey.  There are so many inspiring people and events going on all the time if we can just hear the music and feel the dance