I have to come out at work, but can't lose job.

[Daphne Alice]

If I wait till I'm financially secure enough to lose my job over being a transgender woman I will have to do my 45 hour week and 20 hour commute in boy mode for another 18 months. Which kind of sounds impossible at this point. So I guess I'd love to hear people's stories about coming out at work. I work as a drafting engineer at a construction office in Boston Mass. Any advice or encouraging stories? Not that I only want encouragement. If it's a bad idea, I will delay as long as possible. I just don't know what to expect.
~Daphne Alice

[Laura_7]

It is said that people who are more educated usually are more accepting.

Is it mostly graduates you work with, and are they kind of tolerant of other people ?

Have you looked up regaulations in your state ? You might also ask at a lgbt center for advice.

One thing to test waters might be to see where people stand in lgbt subjects.
Like talking about lgbt series ... an lgbt actor .. etc .


*hugs*

[Ms DeeDee]

Hi Daphne Alice,

A big hug to you.

I haven't come out at work yet myself, so I feel your pain.  I only know that if I weren't in quite so professional an atmosphere (I am expected to wear a tie and be prepared to put on a jacket or wear a suit), I would dress more androgynously as a way to ease into things.  As it is, I'd have to come to work in business dress or skirt and blouse and I'm not ready for that yet.  A clean shaved face (I used to have a beard most of the time), a pink OtterBox, a bit of metrosexual look, and some pink shirts and ties are about as far as it goes until I'm ready to come out entirely, if that ever happens.  The phone has gotten some raised eyebrows, which itself is completely whacky.  So far no one has mentioned any of the makeup, so I think I'm doing it right.  I sure wish I could come out though.

At least you're also in a major metropolitan area in a liberal state where I expect there are laws to protect you from being fired (though you'd better ensure there's no question of your performance) and a generally tolerant, if not accepting, atmosphere.  Laura's advice to seek help from an LGBT group is sound.

Many, many hugs.

Love,
DeeDee

[Andie73]

*hugs*

I used Coming Out at Work on Susan's Wiki, it helped out a lot. There are some sample letters, as well as lots of things to consider from the company's viewpoint. I went on the plan that if I can answer their questions before they get a chance to ask, it will make them more comfortable working with it.

I'll be submitting my initial letter, and transition package to have added to the wiki as soon as I get a chance.

Good luck, we're here for you!

[CarlyMcx]

I wanted to get a pink Otterbox when I got upgraded to a new iPhone, but my wife would not let me.  We compromised on an aqua and grey one.

[Ms DeeDee]

Carly, that sucks.  I wasn't completely out to my wife (or maybe even to myself) yet when I got it but our youngest son wears pink and purple and I told her I couldn't very well tell him that was OK without being willing to do so myself and this was one of the cheapest "and I really don't want another black one, black is soooo boring".  This is actually pink and black, identical colors to hers (though she has an older phone so they're easy to tell apart).  I have gotten comments both from my boss (a woman whom I'd previously told I'd take her used pink case but she couldn't find it - she was still surprised I went out of my way to buy pink) and a parent at Scouts who mentioned it somewhat snidely (he didn't comment on my girlie stretch jeans though).  I was intellectually lazy with the guy and told him I bought it due to the price rather than trying to educate him about gender and colors.

Maybe you could check prices on eBay and then "accidentally" drop your phone.    (jk)

Hugs.
Love,
DeeDee