Male interest groups

[KarlMars]

Exactly what kind of interest groups or clubs have you joined that are predominately male? Where do you meet new male friends?

I like bowling but it's with both genders and we're a club for people with mental illnesses.

[FTMax]

My church has a co-ed young adults group, and sometimes we'll do breakout sessions by gender. There's also a men's group that meets once a week for breakfast.

Aside from that, I'm not part of too many men's groups. I have plenty of hobbies and friends groups based around hobbies that are male dominated. Most of the people I go hiking/backpacking with are men unless someone brings a girlfriend/wife along, and I meet other local people on the trails all the time. The club I do judo at is predominantly male, but there are only a few people there I'd spend time with outside of that. I'm in an online support and informational group for FTMs that are getting bottom surgery, and we've got a smaller group of local guys that are planning to get together.

But that's about it. I'm sure I could make more friends or join more groups based on things that interest me, but it's just not a priority for me.

[Tossu-sama]

I suppose the local Magic the Gathering (it's a trading card game) circle kinda counts since most of the players are male. Then again, I started playing, or more like collecting them, way before I even thought about transitioning, when I was 14-15. I didn't feel comfortable to go into tournaments back then and... well, unfortunately the stereotype about the players tends to be true in the way that they give females who play those "what are YOU doing here?" looks.
Now that I'm done with my transition and pass apparently all the time (hard to tell when the language lacks gendered pronouns, lol), I feel much more comfortable playing in tournaments etc. I still suck, though. I like to joke that I'm finally able to play with the boys like I always wanted.

[FtMitch]

While it seems like there is a "women's only" group for most things, there are actually very few groups just for men, probably because men in general don't face the same discrimination and harassment as women often do and so have never need their own special group just so they won't get hassled.  Groups that are men only often have somewhat close minded dogma and are not always surper welcoming to trans men--I know of local groups for gay men that allow only "biological males" as they put it.  Churches tend to be the exception to this rule.  For some reason I have never understood, churches just love to separate men ang women's groups and bave "mens only/women's only" stuff.  This always annoyed me as I get along much better with men than women and hated being stuck in the women's groups.  I am a big fan of coed.

You can meet men in pretty much any kind of group.  Certain groups (fantasy football, gamer groups, hunting groups) are more likely to have more male members than female while other groups (crafting, sewing, horseback riding) are more likely to have very few--but for most hobbies you have a good mix.  You can also meet a lot of guys at the gym if talking to strangers doesn't bother you.  Overall, though, there aren't that many places where 100% guys hang out other than gay bars and sports bars and gun ranges--and all of those are really just 99% men!

[Guile]

I suppose the local Magic the Gathering (it's a trading card game) circle kinda counts since most of the players are male. Then again, I started playing, or more like collecting them, way before I even thought about transitioning, when I was 14-15. I didn't feel comfortable to go into tournaments back then and... well, unfortunately the stereotype about the players tends to be true in the way that they give females who play those "what are YOU doing here?" looks.
Now that I'm done with my transition and pass apparently all the time (hard to tell when the language lacks gendered pronouns, lol), I feel much more comfortable playing in tournaments etc. I still suck, though. I like to joke that I'm finally able to play with the boys like I always wanted.

I've got to echo this in a way. Before my transition started, I used to go out to the local comic shop and play Yu-Gi-Oh (another similar card game) every Saturday. I did indeed get the "what are you doing here" looks and other such patronizing things. Though even if you do fully present as male, I feel I should caution any responsible, mature adult away from such things. Not to make any blanket statements or anything, but the guys that typically hung out at the shops I went to were, well... Complete losers, for lack of a more sensitive term. I don't mean they're losers because they're nerds or anything, because I could run circles around them when it came to nerdy topics, but... Well, they were your typical basement dweller types. While most were in their early to mid-twenties, almost none of them had jobs, most still relied on money from mommy and daddy to buy their cards, and their behavior seemed especially selfish and juvenile. I even made the mistake of giving in and going out on a date with a few of them (because I had huge self-esteem issues and thought I couldn't do better than those losers) and let me tell you, it was so bad it was almost comical.

So unless you want to go hang out with the old gents at cigar clubs or with the Freemasons or something like that, I'm afraid many of us are a little SOL when it comes down to men's clubs.

[KarlMars]

I've got to echo this in a way. Before my transition started, I used to go out to the local comic shop and play Yu-Gi-Oh (another similar card game) every Saturday. I did indeed get the "what are you doing here" looks and other such patronizing things. Though even if you do fully present as male, I feel I should caution any responsible, mature adult away from such things. Not to make any blanket statements or anything, but the guys that typically hung out at the shops I went to were, well... Complete losers, for lack of a more sensitive term. I don't mean they're losers because they're nerds or anything, because I could run circles around them when it came to nerdy topics, but... Well, they were your typical basement dweller types. While most were in their early to mid-twenties, almost none of them had jobs, most still relied on money from mommy and daddy to buy their cards, and their behavior seemed especially selfish and juvenile. I even made the mistake of giving in and going out on a date with a few of them (because I had huge self-esteem issues and thought I couldn't do better than those losers) and let me tell you, it was so bad it was almost comical.

So unless you want to go hang out with the old gents at cigar clubs or with the Freemasons or something like that, I'm afraid many of us are a little SOL when it comes down to men's clubs.

I'm not the type that would ever be interested in a card tournament as much as I like nerdy men.

[arice]

I used to work in a male dominated field... so I met men at work. Now I'm a stay home parent and apart from my best friend (cis straight guy who is a stay home dad) and my husband, I don't get to hang around with many guys. This lack of guy time is causing me problems with social gender dysphoria. Unfortunately, I don't really know where to go to hang out with guys.

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[haeden]

I suppose the local Magic the Gathering (it's a trading card game) circle kinda counts since most of the players are male. Then again, I started playing, or more like collecting them, way before I even thought about transitioning, when I was 14-15. I didn't feel comfortable to go into tournaments back then and... well, unfortunately the stereotype about the players tends to be true in the way that they give females who play those "what are YOU doing here?" looks.
Now that I'm done with my transition and pass apparently all the time (hard to tell when the language lacks gendered pronouns, lol), I feel much more comfortable playing in tournaments etc. I still suck, though. I like to joke that I'm finally able to play with the boys like I always wanted.

Yeah I wish more were like my friend. He doesn't care who you are he just wants to beat you and possibly see you cry lol. He tries to get me into games like that all the time but I'm not bout paying as much as he does. League is the only one I'll drop cash on sadly

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[transiconoclast]

I moved around a lot before settling in Seattle, so I basically had to start from scratch here. So I don't have a ton of close friends locally. But I do have a big network of friend/acquaintances.

The way it ended up happening is that I met a couple of guys online (via gaming, but you can meet people on social networking sites or other places) who happened to live here. We met up a couple of times and became friends. They started inviting me to parties and events, where I met other people, became friends with them, met more people through them, and so on and so forth. By now, I'm probably no more than 2 degrees of separation from every 30-something gay man or lesbian in the Seattle metro area.

So I don't think clubs, specifically, are necessary. But I think it does help if you have some sort of group identity that gives you a natural community that includes a lot of men, whether it's "gay man" or "tabletop gamer" or "Christian" or whatever. Then all you have to do is to make one or two "seed friends" who know you as a man, and pretty soon you'll know every man in the community.

[Mosaic dude]

I find home brewing,  politics, anything car related, and certain types of music event are all ideal ways to make male friends.

[liz]

Well im a women but 98% of my friends are men. I met most of them at gym,  kickboxing/ufc and jogging groups.

Its kind of social activities, so its good to get to know each others. Then you will slowly build something.

[KarlMars]

Well im a women but 98% of my friends are men. I met most of them at gym,  kickboxing/ufc and jogging groups.

Its kind of social activities, so its good to get to know each others. Then you will slowly build something.

I love the gym. I've never been into any sporting events other than bowling.

[November Fox]

Yup, martial arts.

I´m in aviation, that´s mostly men.
RC plane and model building clubs are generally also male clubs. If you´re into scale models, that´d be a good connection.

There´s also male spiritual groups with mostly men, and outdoor clubs. I´d say do a google search for you area, see if anything is nearby.

[KarlMars]

Yup, martial arts.

I´m in aviation, that´s mostly men.
RC plane and model building clubs are generally also male clubs. If you´re into scale models, that´d be a good connection.

There´s also male spiritual groups with mostly men, and outdoor clubs. I´d say do a google search for you area, see if anything is nearby.

Thank you very much.

[Kylo]

While it seems like there is a "women's only" group for most things, there are actually very few groups just for men, probably because men in general don't face the same discrimination and harassment as women often do and so have never need their own special group just so they won't get hassled. 

Actually I rather think men do need some "men only" spaces. Society is very particular about "safe spaces" for women and refuges from masculinity, but since women are now allowed just about everywhere they tend to demand that men act in a way that is acceptable to women in those spaces. Leaving relatively little spaces where men can act as men without criticism.

I believe "women's groups" began back when men dominated most workplaces because back then women needed and deserved some. Now though, when women are excluded from relatively few spaces in Western countries, I don't believe they need quite so many women-only spaces as they are no longer mass-marginalized and men deserve some spaces of their own without being called misogynists for not necessarily wanting to have to tailor their behavior to women's standards.

I've seen workplaces where men have to be careful what they say and what language they use to avoid upsetting women (I'm not talking about them making anti-women jokes, but just the words used or the loudness they speak at and so on) and parks where women and children hang out where single men are basically mistrusted just for being there. I think this is a problem. Apparently quite a few men do, too... statistics apparently show that men don't have a problem working and mixing with women, but when they're asked to curtail their masculinity and adopt female standards to avoid offending women, and when women begin to hold that sway when they start to make up the majority of a given workforce is when men start to leave in droves.

Society seems to want everyone to act in a way that is most comfortable to women. But it does not seem to care if men are comfortable at all.

Men may face less discrimination in some areas but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have spaces where they are free to be themselves, just like women are. I'm all for catering for the needs of BOTH genders, and I believe men do have needs of this kind.

[WanderingFace]

I actually work in a fairly big cigar lounge. The people who come hang out are 90% male. There are a lot of days where I work all day and it's only us men, save for two women who are sometimes there as servers. So I would call it one of the few mens only spaces.

It's kinda nice, especially now that I pass there to all the new customers. They come in, have a few cigars and drinks and just shoot the ->-bleeped-<- with me. I feel like they get to unwind and feel more relaxed than when I was perceived as a woman. So I think TKGW may be on to something. However I don't like the idea of any public place ever being strictly for men or women. It limits all the other gender options and those men or women who aren't typically masculine or feminine.

Having a men's or girl's night out with the friends I definitely support! It's good to unwind. I wouldn't mind getting more involved in poker. Most of the poker groups I can think of are only men. I don't know too many women who partake regularly.

Right now I run a game night that is pretty diverse though. We have an even spattering of men and women. We get together at my place, eat good food and play tabletops.

[Kylo]

However I don't like the idea of any public place ever being strictly for men or women. It limits all the other gender options and those men or women who aren't typically masculine or feminine.

I agree, I don't especially want to see that... I do see a lot of women's and "women only" stuff though and people are rather blind to it as exclusive, whereas stick a "men only" sign up anywhere and I'm sure people would be offended and asking why it is that women are being excluded. Back when I used to swim a lot at the local pool, there would be "women only" session which of course I could just walk into and get a few laps done, nonetheless I was irritated that I would be excluded if I'd had the correct stuff between my legs at the time.

Frankly I would prefer it if both genders would get their crap together and consider each others' needs, and not feel alienated or offended or intimidated by each other. Unfortunately it's biology and there's not a whole lot to be done about that even with social conditioning. Women have a tendency to feel threatened by men and masculinity it seems, which is where these "women only" swim groups and the like get their justifications and where the term "safe space" seems to emanate from. Men are apparently not generally threatened by femininity in the same visceral way, and don't tend to demand literally "safe spaces". Instead they'll just naturally excuse themselves from female company and go do something elsewhere or with male friends if they feel like it. So I suppose the problem tends to sort itself out. It does annoy me though when I hear people claiming men don't need a place to be themselves, or men don't need a refuge from criticism, or men don't need their masculinity and should just start acting more like women instead. I find that quite incredible when I see it... you can imagine the hoo-ha there would be if you swapped the genders in those statements.

Non binary people once again have my sympathies because hard as it is being binary trans, being accepted into any gendered spaces as NB must be quite difficult without accepting a degree of binary gendering and expectation being slapped onto you.

[KarlMars]

I agree, I don't especially want to see that... I do see a lot of women's and "women only" stuff though and people are rather blind to it as exclusive, whereas stick a "men only" sign up anywhere and I'm sure people would be offended and asking why it is that women are being excluded. Back when I used to swim a lot at the local pool, there would be "women only" session which of course I could just walk into and get a few laps done, nonetheless I was irritated that I would be excluded if I'd had the correct stuff between my legs at the time.

Frankly I would prefer it if both genders would get their crap together and consider each others' needs, and not feel alienated or offended or intimidated by each other. Unfortunately it's biology and there's not a whole lot to be done about that even with social conditioning. Women have a tendency to feel threatened by men and masculinity it seems, which is where these "women only" swim groups and the like get their justifications and where the term "safe space" seems to emanate from. Men are apparently not generally threatened by femininity in the same visceral way, and don't tend to demand literally "safe spaces". Instead they'll just naturally excuse themselves from female company and go do something elsewhere or with male friends if they feel like it. So I suppose the problem tends to sort itself out. It does annoy me though when I hear people claiming men don't need a place to be themselves, or men don't need a refuge from criticism, or men don't need their masculinity and should just start acting more like women instead. I find that quite incredible when I see it... you can imagine the hoo-ha there would be if you swapped the genders in those statements.

Non binary people once again have my sympathies because hard as it is being binary trans, being accepted into any gendered spaces as NB must be quite difficult without accepting a degree of binary gendering and expectation being slapped onto you.

I experienced female criticisms from women all my life because I don't know how to act like a woman. I got along with men better, but men expect sex and I wanted to be seen as a comrade and not a sex object. I'll always stay away from traditional breeders and family types, because I don't understand nuclear families and value comraderie more than that.

[arice]

I experienced female criticisms from women all my life because I don't know how to act like a woman. I got along with men better, but men expect sex and I wanted to be seen as a comrade and not a sex object. I'll always stay away from traditional breeders and family types, because I don't understand nuclear families and value comraderie more than that.

I understand that. I also have the same problem with women. I don't know how to act like one either. I also don't understand most of them... so social situations with women just lead to mutual awkwardness.
I love men, in all ways. I also do better with guys and most of them see me as one of the guys not as a sex object... which is ok now that I'm married but was a problem when I was single (almost 20 years ago now)... the bigger problem was that the men who were attracted to me saw me as a woman and we're attracted to that.

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[Kylo]

I find making friends with people easy based not on their sex, but whether their personality and interests click with mine. I've had a lot of male friends and frankly, none of them "expected" sex, which is why I've never been put off male company. Sure, some few were interested in a relationship, but they knew they'd have to work at that if they wanted it, which is not the behavior of someone who simply expects something to be given to them. If you were treated in that way by some men, please be assured not all of them expect it. Nor do all of them want it from every single passing (perceived) female.

Most people have or will have families (or want relationships) at some point. That would narrow your friend choices down quite a bit. It might be easier to adopt a strategy by which you maintain distance from people who want to be closer, rather than limiting getting to know people based on these criteria.