What triggered your late transition?

[DeValInDisguise]

That interesting. I wonder if she fell for you because she felt your female energy or something.

I've wondered that too.  She's denied it recently, though there may be other reasons for that.  But I know I've always been attracted to women who like women.  All four of the women I've been involved with in the last 15 years have either liked women at the time or realized it later. 

Val

[cindybc]

Hi cjennyb
Just wanted to tell you that you will never be alone. There are many kind souls around. There was for me, even though I never really had close friends or intimate friends not even as the other me. I know that I dont have to look for long to find another kind soul to talk with.. Be strong and be ready is all. One needs to admire Trans girls for one thing, they have the strength to endure and not just to survive but progress and thrive to be who they are within..

Cindy

[cjennyb]

Thanks Cindy,

My very first reaction to 'coming out' was amazement at all the love out there.  I guess trans girls all look out for each other.  Like you I have had very few close friends in life, but now I feel as though I have opened pandora's box and all manner of great things have come flooding out, most especially understanding, non-judgemental, compassionate, supporting people.   

Where do we get this endurance quality from?  Is it the result of spending a lifetime pretending, masquerading, hiding our true selves.  Do young transitioners have the same qualities I wonder.   

Where does all the love come from?  Is it also the result of losing family and friends, lack of understanding, and feeling alone?

I appreciate your kind thoughts, and yet I still feel sad for those who have already suffered.

[cindybc]

Hi cjennyb

Pandora's Box? or the Chambered Nautilus of plenty. I believe that is a choice we take as to which we shall follow.



Cindy

[Veronica Secret]

That interesting. I wonder if she fell for you because she felt your female energy or something.

I've wondered that too.  She's denied it recently, though there may be other reasons for that.  But I know I've always been attracted to women who like women.  All four of the women I've been involved with in the last 15 years have either liked women at the time or realized it later. 

Val

Same here, except I probably dated at least a few dozen women who preferred other women and many broke my heart. I don't think any of them ever realized why there were so attracted to me. Some even asked "Why am I so attracted to you?" I wish I had just told them.  Maybe I would have found one who would have encouraged me to transition earlier.

[Marlene]

Hi Amanda.

I'm still on the first page of this thread, but just had a comment.

I think most later transitioners transitioned late for one reason - the knowledge and options weren't there.
Maybe others chose to wait for whatever reason.

Same here, I also only read the first page and this one.  I think lack of information played a major role for me.  But also before puberty I was pretty oblivious to gender differences.  Part of the reason was that strict gender roles were not pushed in our rural, lower middleclass home.  And then there's was internalized transphobia.  I bought into all the stereotypes and told myself I wasn't one of them.

A total lack of truthful information
Loose gender roles at home (Mom and sis were tomboys)
Rural upbringing
Stereotypes
Internalized transphobia
Shame
Denial
Pathogical need to please others

Over time my coping mechanisms began to fail.  My home life ground to a halt and I hit the wall.  My body started to rebel.  I couldn't take living for others anymore.  I could no longer deny who I was and it all came pouring out of me like a volcanic eruption.  It was terrifying because I was married and had 2 small sons and knew my spouse would not react well.  We were divorced 3 months later and I haven't seen my children since.  As bad as all that is (and there is more), it allowed me to transition unencumbered and at my own pace.

I paid, and continue to pay, a very heavy price.  But it was very much worth it.  You can't put a price on peace of mind (the long internal war is over) and being whole.

[Robin_p]

I woke up to the futility of my life living a lie. The alcohol and the drugs stop working. I did not die.  And then somone showed me the way to Self Acceptance i was off like a rocket.

Hi Amanda.

I'm still on the first page of this thread, but just had a comment.

I think most later transitioners transitioned late for one reason - the knowledge and options weren't there.
Maybe others chose to wait for whatever reason.

Same here, I also only read the first page and this one.  I think lack of information played a major role for me.  But also before puberty I was pretty oblivious to gender differences.  Part of the reason was that strict gender roles were not pushed in our rural, lower middleclass home.  And then there's was internalized transphobia.  I bought into all the stereotypes and told myself I wasn't one of them.

A total lack of truthful information
Loose gender roles at home (Mom and sis were tomboys)
Rural upbringing
Stereotypes
Internalized transphobia
Shame
Denial
Pathogical need to please others

Over time my coping mechanisms began to fail.  My home life ground to a halt and I hit the wall.  My body started to rebel.  I couldn't take living for others anymore.  I could no longer deny who I was and it all came pouring out of me like a volcanic eruption.  It was terrifying because I was married and had 2 small sons and knew my spouse would not react well.  We were divorced 3 months later and I haven't seen my children since.  As bad as all that is (and there is more), it allowed me to transition unencumbered and at my own pace.

I paid, and continue to pay, a very heavy price.  But it was very much worth it.  You can't put a price on peace of mind (the long internal war is over) and being whole.