That all sounds pretty similar to my journey. Ultimately, you have to decide what is most important to you and your life - being yourself and being happy, or keeping the peace with other people. I know it sounds pretty daunting early on, but that is really what it comes down to.
People are attracted to honesty and authenticity. As someone who wasted almost a decade worrying about the same things, I will tell you that friends come and go and as an adult, family is not as important and present as they are when you're young. You will lose friends and make new ones all the time. You get the freedom to choose who you consider to be your family. If someone is meant to be in your life after you come out and are living as yourself, they will be. Being out and living authentically doesn't mean that you will be alone.
To start, I'd do minor things like changing your wardrobe or cutting your hair if you haven't already. It may help you be more comfortable. Maybe consider choosing a male name to go by online and make some long distance friends. I would encourage you to talk to someone professionally - maybe a school counselor if you feel comfortable with one. You could also ask your parents to help you find a therapist. Ideally you want someone who has an understanding of gender and has worked with transgender young people before.
