a struggle of acceptance

[Amoré]

Hey guess with all the events that happened the last two weeks it just stacked on top of the struggle of accepting yourself.

I still woke up as stupid as I was the last couple of months with hope. I had hope that my wife will see the good in me realise that she is doing my child and ourselves a huge dishonor in breaking up our home. I feel betrayed. I had a very conservative wife that is obviously transphobic also. She found her purpose in life now with God and believe he has bigger plans for her and someone better.

So it is hard to hear how second rate you where in her eyes. Then being told you must move on forget about her and get a life. She was the reason I got up every morning she and my little girl. My family doesn't she care how she hurts me. She is telling me I must accept who I am but that is only a way fot her to justify her divorce.

Why can't I accept it is over. I can't explain how it feels when you truly love someone and you can't be with them.

How can I accept this reality that I am on hrt I am changing but a part of me want to run back. She doesn't want me bacj but I still think there is a way is this denial.

[suzifrommd]

It sounds like your feelings about yourself are still tied up on what your wife thinks of you. I can hear the way her judgment of you is tearing you apart emotionally.

Maybe the key is liking yourself enough to make the decision that you deserve someone who won't treat you the way she does.

Do you like yourself? Do you enjoy your company? Do you appreciate the wonderful mark you make on the world, the joy you bring to the people around you, and the unique, imperfect, but amazingly precious person you are?

[Dena]

There comes a time in our life when we have to make a decision that their is no way to return to the past and the only the future remains open to us. I have done it many times over the course of my life. Sometimes for small thing and other times for very large things. The most difficult one to deal with is the death of another and that has taken me a couple of years to get past. You first must realize that it's no longer possible to return to the past and each day you need to take small steps to build a new life without the past in it. There will be times when the past will creep back into your life but if you are doing it correctly, they should become fewer as time goes on. Try to keep yourself busy or distracted and that will help you develop new thoughts without your wife. It will happen but not overnight.

[cindianna_jones]

Amore'

I know exactly how your feel. You feel like you've lost control and the love of your life is going away. Nothing in life has this impact. It is unique, solitary, and excruciating. After all you can do, you can't change the way someone else thinks or feels.

It is painful but you will get past this. It may take a few years until you can put your feelings in the place where you can deal with them effectively. It is most unfortunate that people around you can't understand this dark place where you are. I do.

Advice is free. Everyone will easily pass on their opinion. And after a while, even your best friends won't want to hear about your problems. You are on your own. This is indeed a lonely place.

Just take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many have been through this before. Keep engaged and active. Don't sabotage any of your past relationships and get your legal issues resolved the best you can. That's my two cents worth and probably not worth more than that. You'll get through it. You have moral support here.

Hugs,
Cindi

[Rachel]

It hurts when one person in a marriage has moved on and the other is holding on and hoping. The pain is from not accepting the change and moving on yourself. It sounds like your wife will not change her mind.

Finding some activities to build new experiences is important. I am busy with my transition, work and volunteering. My therapist wants me to join a LGBT hiking group. Who knows what will happen at this activity? I may meet acquaintances or perhaps something more. I am not looking for a relationship but who knows. I need to get my bike in shape because there are LGBT bike meet ups. We have some awesome bike paths in the city.

 

[Ms Grace]

It sucks and it hurts, I hear that and I understand it. Your wife's apparent transphobia and intractability about this aside, what I'm not hearing from you though is acceptance of her needs and wishes. I expect she is heterosexual, and if so the bottom line is that she most likely does not want to be sexually intimate with a women let alone married to one. Just as we cannot expect or demand that a gay person change their sexual orientation, likewise we cannot expect the same of straight people. And while it seems reasonable to say "but we're the same person they've always loved", to them, physically at least we no longer are. Many straight women love their girlfriends dearly but they would never be sexual intimate with them and have no desire to be.

When it comes to relationships our transitions are a two way street, it's not all about our needs, it's also 50% about the needs of the partner. In your relationship's case - given her conservative outlook, her heterosexuality, her transphobia - then your transition is a bridge too far for her. You may want and need her to come along on your journey but she doesn't. It's heart crushingly painful I know, but the sooner you can understand and accept that and begin the process of healing and moving forward then the more at peace about it you will be.

[Amoré]

All your advice is so good, I will take a little from each one. The part that it is a 50/50 thing in a relationship and that you can't make it work or fix it from the one side is true.

I shed a lot of tears in many of my posts on this forum. I tried to stop it all stop divorce turn back be a man but then it was too late she tried at least but could not get herself past her own mental block of being with a man that has gd. She could not get past her own fear of it happening again. She kept on bashing me that I won't win that this thing in me is too strong.

I had her projecting all her insecurities about her own sexuality and identity on me and taking that out on me daily. I tried to stay a man I promised her I will for her. If this is my path that is chosen for me now I will walk it. Broken as I am I have a daughter to live for and although I see her every other weekend she still make me want to take the next breath each day.

I am sort of selfish not always considering my wifes needs. That she is hetero and in her mind I am female and she will never look at me as male again. I am also wrong that I am trying to use her as a shield as a reason for not transitioning and fighting this thing. There is no one else than her. But I can't force her to be that shield she must choose it. She did not. She left me in the full wrath of GD. Alone I can't win.

I will let her live in peace.