How I Got to Where I Am Today
(I'm doing this for therapeutically value. You can comment if you like.)
Been think back to my pass look for signs of TG. Earliest recollection is of look through mom underwear draw. I must have been around 8 and I like all the petty soft and silky things and I love to touch them. With the breast pump I got some clear liquid out of one of my nipples.
At age 13 or 14 found one of mom's old slips with a tear in the lace fringe that had been put in the trash. I took it to my room fixed the used some white thread to fix the tear and alter the slip so that I could wear it. I keep it for a few years. Wearing it made me feel good.
At age 15-17 I often would wear my mother's bras and panties, before or after taking a shower. The shower was in the basement near the laundry room were mom would leave her thing before washing them. It was sexual than, but isn't everything sexual when you're a teen? At those times I would fantasize that I was a woman.
Dad caught me ones and said haven't you grown out of that yet.
Ages 20-54 I would occasionally try on my wife cloths, especially the under garments. Sometimes I would wear a blouse and a skirt or slacks. In the 20's and early 30's it was often a sexually thing. In the later 30 through into the mid 50's it became a enjoyable relating and seemingly therapeutically.
Because I believed it was wrong (society pressers and up bring) I have tried not to remember those times.
At age 55 (which I still am) I decide that I would wear woman's undergarment whenever I want to under my (male) clothing. They are softer and I loved the feel of silk on my skin. At that point it triggered the female spirit that has been trap inside of me and many of my memories began flooding back into my mind. So I began searching the web to find out what was wrong with me and who I am. By the grace of my Lord I found Susan's last October. (You can read about how I confused I was when I first came here in my intro posting.)
Now I know that I'm a TG a person who was assigned a gender at birth, based on their genitals, but who feels that this is a false description of my self.
I'm a CD person who wears feminine clothing to expressing a feminine my personality.
Also eventhough I haven't been diagnost, I am a GID.
As a transsexual I have a congenital defect that occurs in the early stages of gestation after conception. I have no choice in being transsexual. I just am.
I couldn't and won't ever go back to denial.
I'm freer and feel much better, more secure in who I am than I can ever remember being.
(Thanks for reading this, I hope it may help other in there journey. Thank you Susan for this great site and thank all of you who have helped me alone on this journey.)
Jillieann
