bottom dysphoria and anxiety

[November Fox]

Here I am again, letting out some steam about my bottom dysphoria...

I wear a prosthetic but even then it´s not really about what I don´t have... as much as it is about what I have.
Even though I use an STP it´s impossible for me to ignore what´s there... after all even urinating causes a certain sensation that cannot be completely eliminated by an STP.

I´ve developed a hypersensitivity to the whole area. I can´t wear anything without being aware of the friction and feeling sick. I find it hard to even sit down and not notice it, or bike anywhere. Part of the hypersensitivity is anger, I´m mad at it, the fact that it´s conspicuously there.

I´ve tried comparing my case to others to try and put things in perspective - maybe others are having an equally bad time with it as I am... and for female identified individuals it might be even more difficult - not being able to get rid of what´s there and just put on a prosthetic.

Not sure what I´m driving at... maybe I should stop focusing on it. Just having trouble with that because I feel very insecure every time I´m aware of it, as if it were saying "you´re a chick and that´s just how it is". Maybe I just need some more mental resilience...

I would like to hear from others who have intense anxiety with that area... transwomen and transmen alike... did you try to ignore it? Or accept it somehow?

[Laura_7]

I'd presume you have picked something up ... maybe via reading or via a vid.

Try to let it go, be aware even cis people are not completely happy with their body all of the time.

Don't have anger, be happy with what you have and be aware it will change over time.
With hrt and other means it will change over time, you are on your way already.

Have some patience and try to enjoy the moments now.

Try to listen to how you feel inside ... like a man ... let it show to the outside and concentrate on a few things that make you happy.
Try to relax.


*hugs*

[HappyMoni]

The best I can do is sympathize with how hard it is. As M to F I try to ignore it as much as possible. I always sit to pee. Usually, it isn't too bad as I am resigned to having to wait a while for surgery. I have started to do electrolysis down there recently. I am so embarrassed because someone is actually seeing and touching the thing I can't stand. There is some comfort in knowing that other people understand or have similar feelings. Unfortunately, it stills stinks. I wouldn't blame yourself for lack of resilience, it is just a crappy situation.
Moni

[November Fox]

Thank you Laura and Moni,

I´m probably just attaching too much ideas to it - it just brings up a lot of insecurities for me... the whole "really a man" thing got to my head. I should try to understand that I´m still really a man regardless of what´s down there, just have difficulty doing so.

I´m not glad you´re suffering as well but it´s good to know that others can relate.
I probably should try to move past it a bit...

[WorkingOnThomas]

I just try to keep in mind that what I have now, is not what will always be there. Even if I don't go for bottom surgery (although I probably will) T will change things. Not as much as I'd like, no doubt, but it will be different. I'll have something closer to what I want. And finally mastering (somewhat) how to use my STP has really helped. In any case, my top dysphoria is far, far worse. I hope that it doesn't all head south after I've had top surgery.

[Meowt]

I can sympathise with the hypersensitivity thing. A lot of the time, packer/stp or not, any feeling down there can mess with my head. I usually get angry too when noticing it, and a frustration that to me it's not right.

For me, I have no idea how to reduce it, but I recommend distracting yourself from it as much as possible. Knowing that you can feel a part of your body that is wrong is hard to ignore, but the more you dwell on that fact the worse you will feel.

Packing only usually helps with social discomfort for me, and the worry that people will wonder why there's nothing there. When it comes to me, I know it's not a part of me, which sucks. Sometimes not taking off my packer when I get home helps, because it feels like I have /something/ there, other times it's just a reminder of what isn't.

I hope the dysphoria alleviates for you soon, but for now distract with films, music ect. Don't let your mind get to a point of boredom where you can be reminded.

[HappyMoni]

Thank you Laura and Moni,

I´m probably just attaching too much ideas to it - it just brings up a lot of insecurities for me... the whole "really a man" thing got to my head. I should try to understand that I´m still really a man regardless of what´s down there, just have difficulty doing so.

I´m not glad you´re suffering as well but it´s good to know that others can relate.
I probably should try to move past it a bit...

I get what you mean  about "the really a man" thing. I am transitioning. I am soon full time. (Pre-surgery) I have a hard time claiming the title of woman for myself yet. I know it will come a little at a time. I am definitely not a man. I really think we have to give our minds a chance to come to it. To get there. I call myself a blob sometimes because I hate this middle ground. I know I will make that mental leap when I am ready. It  stinks waiting doesn't it?
Moni