How do you think my mom will react?

[tyler_c]

My parents are separated, but my mom still comes out to visit like once a year.

Anyway, I don't know what the deal is with her, she still acts like I'm 5 years old and can't make my own decisions with my life so I am genuinely worried she's gonna think my dad is "forcing me to be his son." And just recently over the phone she said she wants me to "hang out with other girls." And if I tell her I'm transgender she might think being around only my brother and father is "influencing me into wanting to be a boy." (I'm cringing at how stupid that sounds)

She's so stubborn and thinks she's always right... For awhile I thought she'd be for accepting to people who are different since she at least supports the gay community, but of course that's not the same as being trans... I don't think it'll go down well and she'll just think "You need to be with other girls! If you stayed with me you wouldn't be influenced into thinking you're a boy!" (Because I'm apparently so easily influenced, but she doesn't know me so whatever)

[jlaframboise]

I grew up in a weird home situation where I'd visit my dad for long summers and come home to my mom for the school year, and my mom would get angry at my dad for buying me, "boy" clothes during back to school shopping and get slightly annoyed (not her fault bc I asked for them). The point of that is, that even if she thinks you're being "influenced" by your dad/brother, explain to her that men being around you for extended periods of time just opened your eyes to being in a masculine environment which made you realize who you are. Those "boy" clothes I had as a kid never made me turn into a boy, they just made me realize that I was one. I'd tell her that being around girls only made me realize I'm a dude even more so, hahah.

[Ms Grace]

Based on what you say about her it sounds like it might be a struggle. At first anyway, maybe when you are older she might come around and accept the situation. The one thing you have to realise with outing yourself to parents is that they usually need to go through a process too. Just because they are unaccepting at first does not mean they will always be that way.

[DanielleA]

I agree with everything that Ms Grace says. My parents went through the whole stages of grieving. For mum, Denial was the worst. She came up with every excuse that she could think of. From my transgendering being some sick perversion, to some aspect of autism, even to role-playing some fantasy. But years later she is my biggest supporter. Dad struggled too but he wasn't any were near as vocal as mum.

[liz]

Based on what you say about her it sounds like it might be a struggle. At first anyway, maybe when you are older she might come around and accept the situation. The one thing you have to realise with outing yourself to parents is that they usually need to go through a process too. Just because they are unaccepting at first does not mean they will always be that way.

Grace is totally right on this one. Even an open minded parent who seem to accept it right away will need some time to adjust and understand whats really going on.

Even my therapist, who is gay and lead the LGBT organization here, told me he needed a little time to get the fact that his son liked to play with dolls and barbies. When its your child it's always different, you need some time to process the informations and accept whats going on.

In the worst case she may need a little break while her stress go down and while she gather the informations she need. Think about giving her some informations on paper while you tell her, she might not read it right away but it will at least give her a track to follow later.

Wish you good success on this one!

[Laura_7]

Here are a few resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901


Do you have a gender therapist ?
They could help explain.
And a diagnosis of gender dysphoria is not easily refuted.


*hugs*

[Moneyless]

My parents assumed the reason why I was such a 'boy' growing up and refused to hang out with girls and do girl things was because I only had a brother and I was just copying him and trying to be him. However, they also weren't educated and didn't know transgenders were a 'real thing' and biological. After me telling them and them doing their own research, now they're just like "oh, that makes a lot of sense". I guess this is similar to the mindset your mum might have. If you have a therapist I suggest having a session with them + your mother so a professional can explain to her what's going on, and maybe then she will understand better from a 3rd party who is trained and knows what they're talking about. Otherwise, you'll just have to sit her down, maybe show her some articles or videos and tell her this is not a choice and how you're feeling.

She seems to just not understand and/or is just in denial. She'll come around.

[arice]

Good luck!
My family was always really good about letting me be myself... but since they knew nothing about trans or non-binary genders, they also spent a lot of time trying to help me accept that my body was female and that, like it or not, I needed to work with it. My mom and I are very close and we talk regularly about my aversion to all things feminine but at the same time, I think she would still struggle if I told her I wanted to transition and needed her to change pronouns etc. She would do it, but it would take time.
I like to think that if I was a kid now, my parents would have helped me if I wanted to transition.
I am also a parent. My kids are 6 and 4 and they both seem cis-gendered. If I'm wrong about that, I like to think I would be immediately supportive... but I'm sure it would be a process.

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