This has been the worst month in the history of ever. I thought it couldn't get any worse than the last month I spent with my gene donors, but I was so horribly wrong. I don't even know where to begin dealing with any of this.
First off, I got into two successive biking accidents that took out both of my knees. While I am walking again, neither has completely healed and they both do still hurt. In addition to this, my antidepressant backfired and made me angrier. On the way to the doctor to see about this, my tuck came completely out and fell beneath the line of my skirt (while I was biking), my favorite headphones fell and got torn apart in my bike wheels, and I didn't even arrive at the right time. My only formal skirt got torn, and I lost soo much money due to malfunctioning electronics, bad purchases, and bills.
But all that was just the icing on the cake.
One of the residents at my homeless shelter began sexually harassing me. He'd run his fingers through my hair, touch me unneccesarily, and ask to date me. When I told him I already had a boyfriend in Oklahoma (a lie) he began asking me for sex. Finally I reported it to the staff and they kicked him out, but it was a very unpleasant and nerve-wracking experience.
There were some issues with my biological family as well. My mom changed her number so I can no longer contact her, but my dad still has the same phone which I know from other people. I texted my dad, however after several days he did not return my message. I didn't even get a missed call from his number. So, I drove past my parent's house late one night and saw that they are still living there, but have apparently shut me off completely.
My friends meanwhile... I have one extremely close friend I think of as a sister. I am happy for her and all, but looking at her progress as compared to mine upsets me. She has already been prescribed hormones while I probably won't be able to until the end of June (based on how my endocrinologist takes THREE MONTHS to do lab work), she's probably getting her name changed very soon and much more easily than I will be able to, she has managed to get her mom okay with her identity, and she has actual friends outside of the internet. I'm happy for her, but it makes me feel hopeless to see how much farther she's got.
Just to make things worse, I've gone bankrupt. Again. I have no income, can't seem to get a job, and only have food stamps to hold me over. I can't buy things I need like makeup and stuff, and have to rely on my shelter to obtain the things I need to be able to decently pass. Even worse is, this is a temporary place, and I'm under some pressure to move on, but I can't afford the long-term solutions they have presented me with.
This isn't even all of what I've dealt with this month. But I don't even know how to deal with this. Mostly I've just been trying to avoid it, but I've noticed that the symptoms for my depression have been getting worse. I'll sleep all day, spend hours without moving, eat just a couple of tortillas and call it a meal, and fail to concentrate on any serious work. I'm really not sure what to do next. I'm even worried that should I find a job, my depression is at the point where it would interfere with my ability to hold it down because I can't wake up in time (not even the staff can rouse me) or I can't concentrate on the work or (on my worst days) can't even process human speech correctly (let alone simple instructions). My motivation has pretty much gone down the drain. I don't even know what to do.
