Struggling with my urge to crossdress.

[kallaran]

Ever since I was young (maybe 5) , I had an interest in feminine clothing and when I finally tried it out of curiosity , I think I was like 12 years old.

I was pretty much hooked but then my mom found out and one thing lead to another. She had to make to it news to other family members and they wouldn't let me live it down.

I think that I got the biggest punishment in my life from that moment and my mom grounded me while making sure that I served every minute of it.

Despite getting in trouble and painful memories , my desire to dress never disappeared. I attempted again recently but in the end I had to get rid of everything. My family tends to leave me with no space and I don't wish to cause any more drama.

I hate the feeling of holding back a part of me. The side of me that wants to wear pretty dresses , skirts , make up etc.

I just don't know what to do with myself at this point.

[Laura_7]

*hugs*

This is a resource by a reputable source, the british NHS:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

There are findings being transgender is biological.
There are differences in brains of women and men.
Before birth, those differences are fixed through various transmitter substances.
So a mismatch is possible.
There are even substances known to cause a higher rate of transgender people.
They are off the market now.
So its literally a mans brain in a womans body, and vice versa.
There are different severities to this thats why there is a transgender spectrum.

This might help you understand:
-its nothing to be ashamed of
-its likely not a phase
-its nobodys fault, not an upbringing or whatever.


This is just a way people are.

Here are some resources that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

Seeing an experienced gender therapist to help guide through this should be of advantage.
There are some working on sliding scales. And there are even online counselors.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html


*hugs*

[DawnOday]

I assume you have not reached the age of majority yet. But when you do there will be nothing really your folks can do about it. You gotta live your life, not everyone else's Maybe I have just been lucky but everyone I have talked to has been understanding. Your folks are living their life. You gotta live yours. Good Luck.

[chris.deee]

Dawn is right.  The world at large is way more accepting than you think.

Finding safe outlets outside of the home should help your feelings of distress.

It really does get better. 

Hugs,
Christine

[sparrow]

One way that many of us cope with this problem is to disappear into our heads, leaving our emotions behind.  There are many destructive ways of accomplishing that, and many constructive ways too. You can turn your challenge into a gift.  Here's what I did.

Harness your distress into a passion for making a better future for yourself.  Study.  Bury your head in schoolwork.  Do extra homework.  Take harder classes.  If you find that you're dwelling on your desires... think about the future.  Studying today, excelling in school today, will translate into better opportunities for higher education, which will translate into better job opportunities in the future.  If you don't have a career in mind, don't worry quite yet.  If you do, try to hone the skills you'll need in that career.

Say to yourself "I can't dress how I want to dress today, but if I get down and work today, I'll be free to be myself once I move out of the house.  Let's do it."  It might help to think about where you want to live.  Think about moving to a city; and not necessarily one near to where you live now.  A big move can go a long way in freeing you to be you -- you'll have a whole new community to learn, and if you can be your genuine self, you can find others who will accept you -- that's a lot easier if you don't already know a bunch of people... the judgment of strangers is much easier to handle than that of acquaintances.

[chris.deee]

I followed sparrow's advice when I was a kid.  It took me until 20 to move out, but the focus on getting myself situated and seeing progress towards that releived a lot of pressure.

Honestly, the technique is useful even after you get into a supportive environment. I go through periods where dressing isn't practical, and focusing on things I can do to make my next time out fabulous works wonders.

[Kerry30Den]

Sadly some parents still see a boy dressing as a girl as a deviance in need to a cure.  Nothing is farther from the truth; you aren't broken, weird, nor are you a freak.  You are you, and you will blossom into the person you want and need to be.

It is going to take time though, and lots and lots of effort.  If you aren't legally an adult yet you have some time to keep the peace and survive.  You have already survived a lot but like the others said hunker down and keep you eye on the prize.  Maybe you can find a part time job to fill in some time, study hard so you can get done with school.  Once you are out of the house opportunities to express yourself should be easier.

When you are an adult you don't have to endure their abuse.  At that point you tell them this is who you are and they can accept you or not.  But you can't spend your life trying to be the person they expect you to be, you have to be you and be comfortable in your own skin. If that's in dresses and makeup so be it.

It does it get better hon!