First time going to the trans community, worried about being phony

[keira166]

Hi all,
So I'm wanting to go to some local trans events for the first time ever (a movie night/social, and a local trans networking and support thing) next week and I'm worried I'll be seen as fake and I'll make a fool of myself.  So I wanted to ask if people get called things like transtrender or if anyone still IDs as trans but had trouble with community like this early on?

I'm trying to take it all slow and everything, but its only been two months since I've thought about who I am in terms of gender (its devouring my waking life though, but in a good way I think ).  Its been really exciting to me dreaming of myself being a girl and being fem, sweet and sensitive, and doing thought exercises about my life as a guy so far and a life acting how I want.  I often feel unsure because I only crossdressed a few times as a kid and teen (I'm 27), and have only tried putting on eyeliner so far (just yesterday ).  But that's because in my guy life, I thought I wasn't supposed to care about appearances, a habit I'm trying to re-evaluate (the eyeliner made me feel great).  Even to myself, I sometimes feel like I'm just testing gender habits like taste testing ice cream...

I'm totally expecting a YMMV response and that I shouldn't care and need to just be myself, but I'll brace myself if others have had stuff like this happen.

[Kulena]

There are videos on to apply make up on YouTube.
When I want to look my best and go all out I go to a salon I get a wash  blowout, curled, and make up. Done not all salons do make overs so look around, and don't wait until the last minute to get in book your appointment in edvance it could be hard to get in on a short notice.
If you got a wig just get the make over they can show you how to hide that 5 o'clock shadow with a red ish lip stick before the Fondation is applied.
Good luck to you Girl

[Asche]

NYC area.

I've gone to several different trans groups in the area.  We've almost always had some people who had not started any kind of transition.  And we have people whose presentation is not exactly standard.  Me in particular.  E.g., until very recently, I had a beard.  I've never used make-up.  Most of my clothes I make myself, they don't come from the women's department.

I've never seen people be anything but supportive.

I don't doubt that there are some groups that are not, but, frankly, if you find one that isn't, it's a glaring red flag that it's a toxic group that you wouldn't want to go to even if they do accept you.

The only way I could see you coming across as fake is if you had some ulterior motive in going to the events.  Or if you pretend to be more certain than you are.  Questioning your gender is about as real and honest as it gets.

[itsApril]

Hi all,
So I'm wanting to go to some local trans events for the first time ever (a movie night/social, and a local trans networking and support thing) next week and I'm worried I'll be seen as fake and I'll make a fool of myself.

By all means, go!  You're very early in the process.  It's not unusual to feel confused and/or ambivalent at the beginning.  But if you go to a trans event, practically everyone there will have been at exactly the same point in their own lives at one time or another.  So go ahead and explore.  I predict most folks there will accept and welcome you.  If anyone expresses resentment or hostility, just ignore it.

Right now, your feelings about gender identity are kind of abstract and theoretical.  If you want to know more about what TG life is like, go meet and talk to some real people who are living that life.

[keira166]

But if you go to a trans event, practically everyone there will have been at exactly the same point in their own lives at one time or another.

Thanks April!  I've heard ppl say they've known since they we're 4, and that made me feel disconnected.  Definitely going, so much I can learn!

I don't doubt that there are some groups that are not, but, frankly, if you find one that isn't, it's a glaring red flag that it's a toxic group that you wouldn't want to go to even if they do accept you.

Yeah I think that's how I should react if it comes up, and then I'll know about Columbus OH!
And thanks, I was thinking of doing something appearance wise to show that I really mean to be there, but I'm not gonna even worry about it since I'm so new

[Ms Grace]

Don't worry about what other people say about their experience of being trans - it is yours that matters to you. You identify as trans, how can you be "phoney" regardless of how you present there? If it's a problem for some people that's their problem, some people are just narrow minded and shallow. Pretty sure you'll find there will be others there feeling just as nervous for the same reasons. If it's a well run group they will make you feel welcome.