How would you feel if you had no idea when or if you could have HRT and surgery?

[shy_lory]

Honestly 

I would feel like I feel now. I feel an emptiness like I am starting to accept that I am truly transgender but Im so so so scared to go any further.  Seeing a therapists and getting hormones seems as far off as me ending up getting married. It mostly comes down to issues of security, god, trying to understand what is right, what is real. Before coming to Susans I was actually getting pretty suicidal. I do not know why nor do I understand it but I have started blaming most of my depression on this. Even though HRT and SRS are available it does not mean that everyone has access to them because of personal issues or because of money. If I had a million dollars Im sure I would have started HRT by now. But due to circumstances having no idea when or ifyou could have HRT is a harsh reality for people like me.

sigh, but anyway 

[cindybc]

Hi shy_lory
Welcome to Susan's. Just take deep breath and chill out I am sure all your questions  can be answered in time.

Cindy

[Rachael]

does not having hrt include not having the option to self medicate? or are we being goodie goodie?
R

[Berliegh]

Hi Berliegh

Those pictures were great but I do know what you mean by the harassment in public school and once I got to 12 years old I left my hair grow by the time I was sixteen I had butt length hair, people stopped bugging me because they just weren't sure anymore what I was, this was during the hippy era.  I was being clocked as a girl by a lot of people right on up to mid twenties where where I finally cut my hair off and I finally began to grow a light beard where I looked more androgynous. then anything else. 

Cindy

You grew a beard? yuk!...never.....I don't think I could if I wanted to and I wouldn't have wanted to. I grew up in the 70's and 80's and had very long hair most of the time. I think I only got it cut once in 1983 but even that wouldn't be considered short these days....

I was seen as a girl which I enjoyed.......I knew what I was but I couldn't get what I needed at that time.....I enjoyed going against society and there was no way I would conform to a gender stereotype..

[cindybc]

Hi Berliegh

Yes I grew a beard and sideburns for a while so I would look older to get in the bars. Before the beard and sideburns I looked like a girl in her early teens, certainly  short a few years to pass in bars.

Then I had to chop off the hair to obtain this job that had really good pay, benefits, and a good solid union. I worked there ten years and let my hair grow back to shoulder length and got rid of the beard, yuck for sure, I don't know how anyone can stand having a beard. It felt like it was infested with flees, "scratch, scratch, scratch."

Well from seven years ago I let my hair grow to mid back where it is now. I had a a good friend, the one in Long island who lives next door to Montauk tell me one time that a woman's hair is her crowning glory. I though that was neat the way she put it.

Cindy