Quote from: MercenaryElf on March 31, 2016, 10:39:09 PM
It makes perfect sense -- there's no one way to be a guy, but that can be hard to explain to someone who may not believe that you're "really" trans because you don't fit the stereotype.
I naturally have a lot of masculine mannerisms, have always adored menswear, and was thrilled in my teens to pass my collection of Hot Wheels on to my baby brother, which he played with while we watched Batman and Sonic cartoons together. But I also didn't violently reject every aspect of being raised as a girl. I have some guilty feminine pleasures (my world stops when the ballroom scene comes on in Labyrinth). Also, I went through a misguided year just before coming out to myself where I tried to "cure" my sense that I'm not a woman by looking very feminine, which is something I haven't seen so far in the transman narratives I've been finding, and has been brought up as a strike against me by everyone I've come out to so far.
Maybe our best "proof" to others that we're trans is in how we carry ourselves through life as we transition. I keep telling myself that one day, I'll have the experience and story to help make things a little easier for other guys struggling with the issues I face now. Until then, I wish you luck (I'm really glad to hear that your parents accept you), and would be interested in knowing if you find any relevant narratives that help.
Hello, Elf,
Wanted to borrow your comment here, because I think it's a great lead-in.
I have come to the conclusion that we are ALL pretty good actors.
And that no one on the outside "gets" that. I don't know why; even others who have been abused, and learned to act certain ways to avoid the abuse, don't understand the issue here. Or, more accurately, the ability we have to pretend to be something and someone we are not. We KNOW we are at risk, and that acting "that way" makes the risk drop. Like a child with an abusive parent, they learn to hide, to find escapes, to deflect and dissemble. To minimize risk, to be elsewhere at the "bad times."
But somehow, that doesn't translate to the transgendered, regardless of activity. If a male wants to dress up like a Disney princess, he's "queer." If a girl wants to roughhouse and climb tress, she's a tomboy... (Funny, already, the male is marginalized and pigeon-holed, but the girl is not... Maybe some of that is my bias, being MTF and having watched my sister and my best friend's sister grow up, getting showered in special goodies all the time.) Which one is more at risk, though? The male, I think, as dad might try and beat the gay (or the devil) out of him.
So the child learns to act in the "appropriate" ways, to avoid being beaten.
Method actor, anyone?
I was there, I think it's pretty correct.
No one wants to find out if I'm a big talker, or there's a reason for the 43 stitches I've had... It's just not worth it. This is the fallout of being someone who has LITERALLY cried over spilled milk. Over breaking an icicle. who wanted to get his fingernails painted as a kid. Who didn't WANT to play football, or baseball, or basketball. Who didn't think girls were "icky" right off.
But I learned real fast, ya know?
So the goatee and the weightlifting and the interest in martial arts... I guess that's not stuff a girl would do? (My sister has engaged in female "beard" competitions. WTF, really, they exist, using created beards. So - if she can do that and is still a girl - why can't I react to childhood injuries and abuse by hiding who and what I am? Can't be vulnerable to my parents, can't be honest with them, can't be honest with my sister, my friends... Why is it so hard for those on the outside to understand we're consummate actors in this particular role, because we HAD to be perfect? Because a mis-step could get us abused, or even killed?
Perhaps you are not aware; the Tarzan story is a REAL story, and in fact has been backed up in other instances, too. Mowgli was real, too. Tarzan was a young child when the plane crashed, and he was adopted by apes, as I understand. He imitated apes, to the point of walking like them - no human to imprint on. So he walked their way and understood their (body) language, but couldn't talk as a human. Mowgli lived with the wolves, walked on all fours, and acted like a wolf. Had either of them acted like an outsider, they'd likely have been killed.
And this is before we address issues of religion (Born into staunch Irish/Italian Roman Catholic family here, only son, only child even. My sister's adopted.)
But no - we couldn't have learned to act contrary to who we are, just to make sure we don't get damaged...
-Dianna
