Hello everyone
I was referred to this site by a member of asktransgender. She assured me that I would find people with commonalities and I wouldn't witness the absurd rationalization from people that I am used to.
My manners, forgive me. As you can see in my username, I go by Quincy Hawthorne. However, that name is only known by me. And well, now you. It is what I'm set to change it to soon. Quincy is more than acceptable if you prefer.
It was late 2013 when I came across the word "transgender" and when I did some extensive research into the topic. I don't remember exactly how and when I stumbled upon it, it's been so long since that day. Previously I was known as a lesbian, questioning my religion, and being heavily bullied at school before I couldn't take it anymore and fought back. It's funny how I was the one that was punished for it. Unfortunately, that state doesn't have any discrimination protection laws for the LGBT community. My heart goes out to the ones born there who endure the unnecessary suffering.
And so, we moved back to my home state where it is only required that I have "undergone clinically appropriate treatment for change of gender". In about 2 weeks or so, it would have been 1 year since my return.
Before we moved, the therapist I was seeing helped me come out to my grandmother. Let's be honest, she's only putting on a front. In the public eye, she makes herself seem supportive. How people perceive her is her utmost priority. She makes it seem as if she's 100% supportive in the presence of others.
HOWEVER
After she's out of public earshot, it's a complete 180. She unashamedly uses female pronouns referring to me as "little girl", "ma'am", my birth-name and so forth. Everything she had said beforehand was disingenuous. It's only to make herself look better.
While she does have the "decency" not to tell anyone without my explicit permission about my transition, it's only mitigating the problem. And well, the only reason she hasn't told anyone is because and I quote, "I will be blamed for this". She doesn't want to lose face in our family as being transgender is taboo (a story for another day).
Enough ranting, please excuse my transgression. That's unfitting of my ethos.
While there are many more LGBT resources in my home state, I shy away from them. I am almost full blown stealth. Mainly due to the past bullying I've experience but sometimes I hear people berate and joke about the transgender community. Additionally, because I'm not an activist and generally do not talk about sexuality/gender identity to anyone. To me, it's no one's business and none of their concern. The main thing I'm dejected about is safety reasons. I feel disheartened that people who unfortunately do not pass are preyed upon.
So you see, a city about an hour or so away had 11 (most likely more) transgender murders in just 2015. It may seem farcical to you, but 11 is 11 too many. My personal safety is my uttermost priority and always will be.
Addendum
In a little over a week's time, I will start hormone therapy. I'm going the informed consent route. Seeing a therapist is mundane in my opinion and as most use WPATH standards, that would set me back a few months. I'm an impatient man if I say so myself.The clinic is an extensive 2 hour drive away, but very well worth it. It's ran by a few transgender staff in a small offset of the main health clinic.
I had an intake appointment March 16th. We set another appointment 2 weeks later due to the long drive and conflicting schedules. I have my next one March 31st to get blood work done. One week later I will return after that, have my labs read to me, and be given my first shot of testosterone. I will also collect the due paperwork to start the court process as well. For the very least, my grandmother doesn't try to hold me back in my transition (still doesn't make it any better).
Cessation
That is all I wish to say. There are details I've left out, but they're mundane and insignificant to mention. However if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I will try to answer any and all.
Quincy Hawthorne
