Do Male Doctors Typically “Touch” On Biologically Female Patients?

[Tristyn]

So my surgeon for the past seroma fluid removal I had over the weekend was a nice, young-looking fellow around my age. Someone please tell me why he kept, like, touching me in an almost affectionate sort of way? He knows I represent myself as a male, yet he touched on me like he saw me as female and it kinda pissed me off. It pisses me off how cis men find me to be so amusing and a big fat joke to them!

I don't want to be treated as the opposite sex. I just want to be seen as a guy too. Why won't people just see me as a man? I think sometimes I might be taking this a little too seriously. But I don't think so. Men have always touched me since I was a child, even when they mean well. Thing is, I hate to be touched period, but especially by men, whether they are cis or trans. I mean, I have never been touched in this way by any female doctors. Well, not as much, and when they do, I don't get as upset. I'm far more comfortable with women, cis or trans, touching me than any type of man, in that kind of way.

[FTMax]

I guess I don't really know what you mean when you say touched you like he saw you as female.

My primary doctor is female. All the surgeons I've had thus far have been female, but my bottom surgeon is male. I didn't see any different between the way he touched me to examine me than when any of my female doctors have. My experiences have been pretty consistent. The only minor difference was the OBGYN that did my hysterectomy. She was very, very gentle and was about as minimal as she could get because she knew I was uncomfortable.

[Tristyn]

I guess I don't really know what you mean when you say touched you like he saw you as female.

What I mean is, he touched me in a way that was not for physical examination that made me uncomfortable. I think he just did it for reassurance but it was uncomfortable. I understand that doctors have to physically examine you. But by "affectionate touch," I mean like rubbing my shoulders and thighs. Ya know. Weird **** like that which had nothing to do with my abdominal regions. Sorry if I am blowing this way out of proportion. I would talk with my therapist about this, but oh I can't cause he is on vacation. I know, everyone needs a break once in a while.

My primary doctor is female. All the surgeons I've had thus far have been female, but my bottom surgeon is male. I didn't see any different between the way he touched me to examine me than when any of my female doctors have. My experiences have been pretty consistent. The only minor difference was the OBGYN that did my hysterectomy. She was very, very gentle and was about as minimal as she could get because she knew I was uncomfortable.

I never had a female surgeon before. I will start asking for one.

[Jonathan L]

If this guy wasn't examining you that sounds like really inappropriate touching whether he sees you as male or female. I go to A LOT of doctors and no one (male or female) touches me unless they're examining me. And they don't know I'm a guy/trans so they just think I'm a woman and treat me accordingly. I would suggest being up front with him and telling him it makes you uncomfortable when he touches you and to stop. And if he doesn't stop maybe there's a way you can report him? Rubbing your shoulders and thighs seems really creepy to me.

[Tristyn]

You're right. The next time we run into eachother, I will outright tell him that I dislike the way he touches me and to only touch me for physical examination. It is creepy to be touched like that.

[FtMitch]

Shoulders I could understand.  Thighs?  That would be HIGHLY inappropriate for a male doctor to touch a female or male patient, but especially a female.  Just tell him you are not comfortable with being touched.  I, too, have never been to a touchy feely doctor, so I would say that this is not normal....

[Tristyn]

Yeah, totally! Like I didn't even like how he was touching my shoulders. Like he would rub and squeeze two or three times like they were boobs or something. And every once in a while he would grope on my thighs. But it is momentous. I'd say it only lasts for about a few seconds. Never any longer or shorter than that it seems. But it makes me feel so uncomfortable. If he were female, I wouldn't feel as uncomfortable. I want to do what Max does and just have mostly female surgeons next time, if that's possible.

[AnonyMs]

For what its worth, back when I thought I was a man, I'd never touch women without a really good reason. Not ever. Its just not done. I'd not touch men either, but that wasn't in the totally off limits category.

Perhaps there's some cultural difference? Is he from some ethnic group?

[Tristyn]

Not sure if this matters or not, but I think he is Caucasian. It's possible he can be mixed. Just like gender, no one can tell someone's race just by looking at them.

Though I do not identify as a woman, I still have the unfortunate physiology of one from head to toe and did not appreciate the fact that he was feeling on me in that manner as if I were his partner. I think I might be blowing this out of proportion. I don't socialize much, so he might have meant well by these gestures, however uncomfortable they may be to me.

[AnonyMs]

I think I'd politely tell him your uncomfortable with it next time, and audio record it on my phone just in case. I assume you need to see him for further treatment so best to solve it quietly if at all possible.

[Tristyn]

Good idea. Not so sure about the audio recording part of it though. Isn't it illegal and unethical to do that because of privacy issues? That's what I have always been told. I would hate to get in trouble for that. I've done this before in other scenarios and was told that it's against the law to use audio recordings in that manner.

[AnonyMs]

Good idea. Not so sure about the audio recording part of it though. Isn't it illegal and unethical to do that because of privacy issues? That's what I have always been told. I would hate to get in trouble for that. I've done this before in other scenarios and was told that it's against the law to use audio recordings in that manner.

I've no idea, but it may be against the sites terms of service to say anymore so I'll leave it.

I'd also discuss it in confidence with someone else who's of good standing, perhaps a therapist or completely independent doctor you trust before bring it up with this doctor again. Possibly someone outside of the medical profession in case they are reluctant to stand against each other. Maybe more than one. If it all goes badly you don't want it his word against yours.

I got a feeling you should ask Cindy about this. I'm not really knowledgeable on this, and the things I do are often not what others would.

[Tristyn]

I've no idea, but it may be against the sites terms of service to say anymore so I'll leave it.

I'd also discuss it in confidence with someone else who's of good standing, perhaps a therapist or completely independent doctor you trust before bring it up with this doctor again. Possibly someone outside of the medical profession in case they are reluctant to stand against each other. Maybe more than one. If it all goes badly you don't want it his word against yours.

I got a feeling you should ask Cindy about this. I'm not really knowledgeable on this, and the things I do are often not what others would.

Yeah, maybe I will mention this to my social worker at dialysis tomorrow and see what she has to say. I would mention it to my therapist, but he is on vacation for God only knows how long.

Yeah and I'll definitely question Cindy on this matter also. Thanks for the suggestions. Very helpful. :3

[FTMax]

I believe it is legal in this instance. You're not recording someone else's exchange with a medical professional. If you were to file a lawsuit, the only person's privacy you would be exposing is your own. You can get a definitive answer from your state's bar association for free usually.

[Kylo]

You can just tell people you don't like being touched. I think a doctor would understand, especially since he wasn't touching you at the time for medical reasons but assurance or something. He's not going to be super offended if you do, probably.

To answer the question though, no, I don't typically have any doctor touch me. Maybe it's because I'm not typically looking like I need it? I have no idea. They're very hands-off, actually in my experience, unless I'm there to get something done.

I have been in hospital though and when they're doing something there with an IV or a X-ray machine or something they typically kept a hand on my shoulder while they were doing whatever to me, which I don't think was reassurance but just to keep the patient close to whatever they are doing.

[Tessa James]

Your boundaries are to be respected and you may need to be declarative and assertive about it.  Some people do try and establish a "reassuring" presence by touching on the arm but more than that's enough for most people to say stop that !

I was a provider for 33 years and medical students are taught that they should have another person in the room when performing exams.  You are the one in control of what is OK at any time.

A therapeutic relationship does not require much touching at all. 

[graspthesanity]

I think your doctor could be from somewhere where it's okay to be touchy. I had a teacher who was overly touchy but he never meant any harm. Some people are just like that. But either way, if it makes you uncomfortable you should surely mention that to them! Wishing you luck!