If husband went on hormones what will happen?

[partnerspossibly]

I've been reading a lot and I think he/she needs hormones to be happy. I think also it will cost us a marriage possibly, but I'm still gathering what things mean, what the outcomes will be if A or B or C happens.

In regards to him going on hormones to align his body with his mind, I've been doing research on what it would mean beyond possibly divorce for us. What would our lives be like? what will sex be like? will he be able to have sex with me? will he no longer be attracted to me?

I have read that when the male gets on hormones his equipment will stop working (I/e: erectile dysfunction). Is this true? will Viagra fix this? or is it toys for the wife and possibly toys for him too? How will he achieve orgasm? Will he care to. Right now our sex life is like twice a month maybe (and he is NOT on hormones). So...maybe it will remain the same.

Will Hormones make him more horny but as a woman?

He says he is a lesbian (always been fatally attracted to everything female) and as he transitions to be full on woman he will be even MORE into me. Is there any truth to this? I'm concerned that as he becomes a female, he of course will now want men and the attention of men. I don't want to compete! I love him, I want to be the woman in the relationship but now there would be two of us. I don't want to compete with another woman, I'm worried that might actually start happening (As weird as that sounds) and I don't want that. Does that happen?

I need to be exclusive, I need to be the woman, I might be able to stay with him but only if I remain his wife and he remains my husband (even as a woman husband), my partner, exclusive, no cheating, flirting, or straying and we can still have sex. I need this, its part of who I am. I can't be a cat lady.

[Tessa James]

Hey no cat lady,

It seems best to make few assumptions and consider the experience of many others going thru similar life changes.  You are clear about what you want and what you might consider for a future together and I think that helps.  There are large numbers of people here who transition and remain with their spouse or find a new one and are still monogamous.

Sexual relationships are so variable that no one can guarantee much but our history suggests that if she remains interested that there are many people, including myself, that remain as functional as they so desire.  I know of some girls that transition and keep up regular intercourse or self pleasure to ensure "it" still works.  Yes, it can simply be a toy you share.  While many girls on HRT experience a decrease in libido that is not universal and for some it rebounds later.  After being on HRT for months to years there is usually a decrease or no emission or ejaculate with orgasm.  Orgasm can be different and better but so individual that it is unpredictable.

While the conventional wisdom is that gender and sexual orientation are separate and unchangeable we have heard from a number of individuals who do experience some shift in feelings and attraction.  As is always true we can have all sorts of interests and attractions but still remain loyal and monogamous.  It takes a commitment for anyone right?  Being LGBQ or T does not mean we are less capable of loyalty, romance and love.

My life partner of 43 years is happy to now have a wife but she did grieve over the loss of her husband.  There is a huge number of changes and variables and I trust you two are worth figuring out.  You can share the ride and keeping your communication open and accepting sure helps further honest disclosure.  Glad you care enough to ask.

[Ms Grace]

It really does vary from person to person but I think it is reasonable to say that the nature of your sexual intimacy will change regardless. Usually there is shrinkage and loss of sexual function to some degree (loss of ability to produce sperm, semen, etc). Some trans women on HRT will lose the ability to have erections, or at least hard erections, others will not, for some the libido is impacted for others not. Although your spouse says they see a future together where X, Y and Z will happen neither of you can be 100% certain that will be the case. If you see yourself as exclusively heterosexual then you may very well find you have difficulty relating sexually to your spouse once they begin to feminise. Any relationship takes two to tango after all, you need to be just as clear about your needs in the marriage.

[Rachel]

Hi,

As others said it varied person to person. I think having a serious conversation about sexuality is in order. HRT does not change your sexuality; however, if a person is hiding their true sexuality then addressing who that are will bring out their true sexuality.

[sparrow]

As it's different for all of us... I can report on myself.

Erectile dysfunction was already starting to be a part of my life, but I do think that there was an uptick (haha... oh... too soon) when I started hormones, in part because my wife and I were struggling to establish a new normal.  I think that my ED was fundamentally caused by dysphoria, as I used to dissociate during sex in a way that I don't anymore.  Early in transition, my wife was still engaging me as a woman sexually engages a man... kinda just lying there and expecting me to do all the work.  Now, we've got a more egalitarian approach, and it's working out very well for both of us.  Definitely some learning to do, for both of us... but well worth it.

Libido is down... but really... I was masturbating twice a day and hiding that from my wife, who seemed happy with having sex twice a month.  We still have sex about the same amount, and I rarely feel like masturbating (and I never feel a NEED to masturbate).  So for me, a lower libido is A-okay.

Men?  Hmm.  One one hand, this is a little complex... but on the other, it's very simple.  Simple first: I'm married, so any attraction I have to people is a purely academic interest.  The complex part... I've been bisexual for as long as I can remember, and I always liked butch women and femme men.  Once I started seeing myself as being more feminine, the idea that butch men would be attracted to me made me more attracted to them.  Weird but true!

Toys, toys, toys... if they're not already a fixture in your sex life, you might want to try to look at this as an opportunity.  They're great, and straight cisgender couples love 'em too!  If you want some frank discussion about that, I'm open to sharing via PM.  I don't tend to go into detail in the open forum because I hate speaking in euphemism.