To summarize a rather long story, after being out as trans for years, I'm finding that my dysphoria is much more extensive than I originally thought. I'm starting to notice that I have some bottom dysphoria (particularly during sex/intimacy) and, quite frankly, I'm feeling really freaked out about it. I've only ever really experienced dysphoria related to my chest. It's a completely new realization to me and I don't even understand it fully. To say I feel "distressed" about it is an understatement. Packers, STPs etc don't do anything for me and I'm pretty sure that a simple meta is something that I will need to pursue in the future.
Ever since I realized I might have bottom dysphoria, I've been struggling to share this information with my partner. We've been together for five years and they are absolutely wonderful. I honestly have no reason to NOT tell my partner but every time I feel the urge to tell them and have a conversation about it, I feel like my jaw is wired shut. It's eating me up inside and I really want to tell them, but I just can't for some reason? I have some kind of internal block. Perhaps some kind of odd sense of shame? Guilt? Embarrassment? I'm not even really sure why it feels so hard, but it really matters to me that they know.
I'm wondering if folks might have some words of wisdom for me? I'm grateful for this community and appreciate everyone's contributions. Thanks for reading!
