Crystal,
I went through the same experience. It was painful, tragic, epic. It was the most horrible experience of my life. I didn't feel that way for myself... but for her. I did everything I could to make her life better. I gave her everything I had and paid extra child support. We came to be best friends for the next couple of decades. I didn't see her much but we talked on the phone a few times each week. She remarried quickly to a fine man. She came through it okay.
Eventually we drifted apart but I still see her once or twice a year... and we live 800 miles apart. I don't go see her but manage to run into her at family events or with the kids. Stuff like that. No one can underplay what this does to a family, especially when two people care so much for each other. My children have had a very difficult time dealing with this as they have grown up. They were estranged for a while but we are getting to know each other again. My daughter still has a huge obstacle to overcome with her strong religious convictions with the Mormon church.
I did marry and I was with my special someone for 24 years. 18 months ago he told me he had found a 'real woman' to love and wanted a divorce. So, the shoe was on the other foot for me. It was a crushing blow. But I'm working through it and even though I cry my eyes out every night, I can now get through each day without dwelling on it. So now, I'm sixty years old and alone. I'm also lonely. I do have friends but I live in an area that is so sparsely populated, they are all at least 45 minutes to over an hour away. I'm trying to square away my finances and figure out a way to move to a more populated area. It's a daunting task. My housing situation will drastically change. But I feel the need to be around more people and find social activities.
I do plan on living alone the rest of my life. I see nothing bad about that. The situation may change but quite frankly, I just can't see myself living with someone else and sharing my space with them. After living alone for the past several months, I've learned to cherish my own space. I need not worry about offending someone for any reason. I quite like it.
In any case, don't worry about the long term. If you have decided to do this, focus on the next steps in your transition. Make sure you can keep a job and support your kids. Do what you can to maintain your relationship with them. Perhaps your spouse will learn to trust you again. It can happen.
My best to you,
Cindi
