A thought on names, pronouns and colleagues getting stuff correct

[Cindy]

I was reading this great thread
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207234.new.html#new

from FTMitch and some comments about getting people to use the correct pronouns.

I was thinking on this and on my own experience. When I changed my name I was advised to keep my initials the same as my deadname, the reason being that as a professional scientist who applies for grants I need my track record to be traceable.

So I changed Peter to Peta and my preferred name Cindy as my middle name.

One day I listened in horror as one of my supportive staff was talking to another and continually referred to Peta as a he. It was in context, my name had to be in the discussion, but I was very upset that a man who said he totally supported me could be so rude.

I tackled him about it, in writing, saying how upset I was. He was mortified and very apologetic. His excuse was that the name Peta conjured up my male persona and his mind slipped into my previous identity.

He asked if he could refer to me a Cindy, that the difference in the name, my new name, brought forward the mental image of the women that he knew and he totally accepted me as the woman I am.

I thought about and agreed, indeed it brought the realisation that I had been ill advised to keep a female version of my deadname.

From then on I asked people to call me Cindy and had all of my emails, correspondence etc changed. I was never miss pronouned again.

Just a thought for discussion.

[Ms Grace]

I've heard similar stories from others who have regenderised their former name or who have opted for androgynous names. It's one of the main reasons I didn't go with Stephanie/Steffie as my new name.

Older colleagues proved the hardest to shift to my new gender pronouns and name, even though they were supportive. I think their brains were having a hard time rewriting the file about me and at some level they were still thinking about me as male. Until they changed it at that mental level they were still likely to slip up. I gave one a little mental exercise to do to help rewrite her internal script about me...regrettably I can't remember what that was but it did actually have quite a bit of success.

None of it matters now since I've changed jobs and no one at my new work place knew dude me anyway.

[suzifrommd]

I thought about keeping my old name, which is androgynous and not uncommon for women. I ended up taking a new name because I wanted a name that was uniquely feminine.

I've second-guessed the decision, but reading what you wrote I won't second-guess it anymore.