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Feeling like I'll never be listened to again

Started by Midnightstar, April 04, 2016, 04:24:21 AM

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Midnightstar

i am very embarrassed, i have been trying to get my parents to understand i am actually a guy however, i have a secret feminine side and i sometimes enjoy painting my nails....and when i'm a little more happy to embrace it i'll often sneak into the nail polish and paint my nails, i'll wash them before i go to sleep and nobody knows...well i feel like a complete idiot my father walked down and noticed...i'm not only embaressed but feel like they'll never accept the fact i'm a guy i just feel like i accidentally broke everything. I don't know what they even think i didn't stay down in that room long enough to find out. I feel like a kid hiding away from something that i could just give a answer to.......but i don't want to...i feel dumb on top of i'll never be taken seriously.
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Elis

I've had that same feeling. I'm a very feminine guy and was afraid of letting it out when I first came out to my dad. But now I feel more comfortable within myself I'm starting not to care that I let these feminine traits slip out. My dad doesn't really accept me anyway so who cares how I act. I think my dad's is slowly getting used to it; which I'm sure your dad will over time. I've often day dreamed about having my nails painted; so good on you for being brave enough to actually do it :)
Funny story; my dad added a Web page to the bookmark section on my phone and I think he saw the Web pages I had saved which were clothes websites showing skirts  ::).
They/them pronouns preferred.



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Satinjoy

It takes a while for folk to comprehend nonbinary.  Even longer to understand mixed gender with transitional needs.

Meanwhile, we are here.
Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the red pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the little blue pills - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes

Sh'e took the little blue ones.
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Midnightstar

Quote from: Satinjoy on April 04, 2016, 08:30:37 PM
It takes a while for folk to comprehend nonbinary.  Even longer to understand mixed gender with transitional needs.

Meanwhile, we are here.

I just feel more comfortable with this post here i identify as ftm trans because i am more so then agender.
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Dena

I am old enough to have lived in a time when the gender lines were very clear and well defined. The woman was supposed to stay home and tend the family and the man was supposed to earn the money. In my family, I saw the evolution of roles take place. First, while my mom tended us kids, she ran the home office for my fathers business. After that business ended, my mom went out and got a job to help support the family. In the rest of the world, men stayed at home tending the families, became nurses, cooks, flight attendants, fashion designers and many other feminine professions. Women on the other hand entered just as many male professions. Long hair became acceptable on men and women often wore short hair. Women were allowed to wear PANTS and mens fashion became more stylish and even included pink as a color selection. The ultimate example of the crossing of lines was Boy George and groups like Kiss who showed us that there is no longer hard rules as to what is acceptable.

Yes, I still engage in activities that might be considered male and even if you are FTM, it's acceptable to engage in activities that might be considered feminine. It might be a bit hard to explain this to your father as it would have been hard to explain it to mine but what's important is for you to discover who you are.
Rebirth Date 1982 - PMs are welcome - Use [email]dena@susans.org[/email] or Discord if your unable to PM - Skype is available - My Transition
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Cindy

Oh how the world turns!

When I began my transition for MtF I started wearing nail polish at work while still dressing sort of male, OK androgynous.

One of my female workers commented, I love men who can wear nail polish, just like Seal (the singer) does. He is such a hot guy!

I came out as female at that exact point and it went wonderfully; but she genuinely thought it was cool for guys to wear polish - as do I!

I know you are going through tough times at the moment, but one thing I learned when I came out is how wonderful it is to be part of the gender diverse community. It absolutely rocks!

I wish I had never pretended to be non gender diverse. OK I'm a straight female but I am part of this glorious, wonderful community of people who can just accept themselves for who they are.

In a few years you will have that opportunity as well, and I'll place $5 that sometime in the future your Dad will come to visit his son and partner and give you a hug and say 'Hey Son, I polished my nails!'

Well we can hope!

And a happy thought to sleep on!
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Satinjoy

Quote from: Midnightstar on April 04, 2016, 09:13:59 PM


I just feel more comfortable with this post here i identify as ftm trans because i am more so then agender.

Theres always a lot of fear when you have body dysphoria but blended gander.

We can chat about that.

Dont fear anything.  The pain you feel about your dysphoria needs speaks louder than words will.  They will understand.  And you will be real as you truly are.

Genderfreed.  With the body you require for your peace and joy.
Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the red pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the little blue pills - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes

Sh'e took the little blue ones.
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Rin-likes-rain

I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you advice since I'm not out to my parents yet. But You should embrace the things you like. Regardless if others see you the way you want to be seen. Honestly, I became a lot happier when I stopped caring about my gender and just liked the things that I liked. I used to strongly identify as FtM. I still do. But I felt like there was so much more pressure on me to look like a dude, act like a dude, only like dude things. And it made me miserable! because I like feminine body language. It's what I'm used to and it isn't as tiring as trying to always keeping my shoulders squared, always walking like this. I was so worried about whether or not I was passing.

I finally took a step back and looked at the big picture. Except for times when female pronouns were used, I often forgot I even had a gender. I've always dressed more androgynously and more masculine. And I dressed that way because I wanted to. Not because I identified with the gender that wore those things. Because I can still rock a flowery dress like nobodies business. I still like my nails painted. (granted, they're usually black). I came to a place where I realized that I didn't want to change. Who I am as a person has nothing to do with what sex or gender I am. And you shouldn't let your gender identity define you.

To some people, transitioning is like finally being able to breathe. I'm not devaluing that experience for anyone. But sometimes, people put too much emphasis on their gender. Cis boys freaking out over the littlest bit of femininity, thinking they're trans which they aren't! That's just who they are. Men can be feminine despite what decades of social conditioning say.

I know in the deepest part of me that I am not cis. In fact, I'm not sure what I am. The closest I can pinpoint it is androgyne transmasculine genderqueer. But it becomes clear to me that I can try all I want to be able to call myself something; to name or "label" what I am. It was important to me for a long time. But now I just don't care. I am me, and nothing is going to change that. Not my gender, not my parents, not every transphobic, homophobic person in the universe could change me unless I let them. So like the things you like. Wear your nail polish proudly. Wear a dress if you want! You know who you are. And if that isn't enough, we know it too.

There is a chance your family will never understand. Even if you went through HRT and corrective surgery, they might never understand. That's a ship a lot of us are sailing on. You aren't alone. Sometimes, you can chose your family.
Everything fades.
Not just happiness
but sadness too will fade.
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Midnightstar

Quote from: AcesAlex on April 06, 2016, 07:40:12 PM
I'm not sure I'm qualified to give you advice since I'm not out to my parents yet. But You should embrace the things you like. Regardless if others see you the way you want to be seen. Honestly, I became a lot happier when I stopped caring about my gender and just liked the things that I liked. I used to strongly identify as FtM. I still do. But I felt like there was so much more pressure on me to look like a dude, act like a dude, only like dude things. And it made me miserable! because I like feminine body language. It's what I'm used to and it isn't as tiring as trying to always keeping my shoulders squared, always walking like this. I was so worried about whether or not I was passing.

I finally took a step back and looked at the big picture. Except for times when female pronouns were used, I often forgot I even had a gender. I've always dressed more androgynously and more masculine. And I dressed that way because I wanted to. Not because I identified with the gender that wore those things. Because I can still rock a flowery dress like nobodies business. I still like my nails painted. (granted, they're usually black). I came to a place where I realized that I didn't want to change. Who I am as a person has nothing to do with what sex or gender I am. And you shouldn't let your gender identity define you.

To some people, transitioning is like finally being able to breathe. I'm not devaluing that experience for anyone. But sometimes, people put too much emphasis on their gender. Cis boys freaking out over the littlest bit of femininity, thinking they're trans which they aren't! That's just who they are. Men can be feminine despite what decades of social conditioning say.

I know in the deepest part of me that I am not cis. In fact, I'm not sure what I am. The closest I can pinpoint it is androgyne transmasculine genderqueer. But it becomes clear to me that I can try all I want to be able to call myself something; to name or "label" what I am. It was important to me for a long time. But now I just don't care. I am me, and nothing is going to change that. Not my gender, not my parents, not every transphobic, homophobic person in the universe could change me unless I let them. So like the things you like. Wear your nail polish proudly. Wear a dress if you want! You know who you are. And if that isn't enough, we know it too.

There is a chance your family will never understand. Even if you went through HRT and corrective surgery, they might never understand. That's a ship a lot of us are sailing on. You aren't alone. Sometimes, you can chose your family.

I really enjoy straight forward things like this it helps me a lot (don't get me wrong others do to sometimes just as much) But anyways i needed to hear that thank you. Honestly i'm not into dresses or make up but i have a smaller side of femininity. I should update and say i recently did embrace this side of me and it feels wonderful! as for my parents they are getting over it and i think its getting there.
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Laura_7


Well nobody needs to feel female or male all of the time ...
its diversity which makes individuals ...

parents may have a female side too ... men who enjoy cooking ...

its all perfectly ok  :)


*hugs*
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Satinjoy

Without recognizing we are a blend the parts of ourselves can get out of balance causing hellish dysphoria.

Parents love their kids.  That eventually will win the day, but it takes time, patience.  And its not a simple process.

A gender therapist is needed too..
Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the red pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the little blue pills - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes

Sh'e took the little blue ones.
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