Excuses for not transitioning (negative thoughts)

[AnxietyDisord3r]

I hope I'm not totally reposting or crossposting here. I just found this video and I found it very encouraging. I like all her videos (but she is a little unprofessional when talking about her field--just because that's your opinion doesn't mean you should bluntly talk about your colleagues that way).



Common Excuses for Not Transitioning

It is a video about negative thoughts we have prior to transitioning. The underlying framework is CBT, even though she doesn't explicitly discuss this. Mostly discusses MTF but I think it's broadly applicable.

[kittenpower]

I think she's being overly optimistic; excuses are not always excuses and could be valid concerns. If you go to a gender therapist, and they tell you that it is going to be extremely challenging for you to physically transition; are you going to keep seeing that therapist, or would you rather go to a gender therapist who tells you that you can absolutely transition, and that HRT will take care of everything (just keep the faith for seven years and keep seeing me).

[Dena]

I think she's being overly optimistic; excuses are not always excuses and could be valid concerns. If you go to a gender therapist, and they tell you that it is going to be extremely challenging for you to physically transition; are you going to keep seeing that therapist, or would you rather go to a gender therapist who tells you that you can absolutely transition, and that HRT will take care of everything (just keep the faith for seven years and keep seeing me).

Something you may have missed that she points out. I desire to pass and I desire to be attractive but what I want most of all is to be comfortable with myself. I had a therapist tell me I was to masculine to be a woman. Maybe I am because I have learned how hard it is to judge your own appearance but the most important thing for me was to end the years of depression. Pass or not, I am comfortable with myself.

[kittenpower]

Something you may have missed that she points out. I desire to pass and I desire to be attractive but what I want most of all is to be comfortable with myself. I had a therapist tell me I was to masculine to be a woman. Maybe I am because I have learned how hard it is to judge your own appearance but the most important thing for me was to end the years of depression. Pass or not, I am comfortable with myself.

My issue with the video, is that is telling people not to be concerned about real physical concerns. She tells people who do not think that they will become passable or attractive, to take on the attitude of "I do not know how I will look", and then goes on to say that a lot can happen in seven years; well, that's a heck of a gamble if you are very masculine looking, and have a lot of bony prominence in your face; a more realistic approach would be to suggest that there is a lot to overcome, and while HRT will help to soften your features by adding fat to your face and softening your skin, it will not change bone, so FFS may be a consideration for you. And as far as her statement about everyone losing height with HRT; don't count on it, I am the same height (6'0), after 13 years of HRT. I think everyone should listen to their instincts, and do their research; don't  let people tell you what you want to hear, and always listen to your gut.

[Dena]

I have to agree with you on the height thing. I measure a quarter of an inch taller now than when I started HRT with years of gravity working on my bones. I clearly remember that I slouched a bit when the first measurement was take and when my height was measured almost 30 years later, I was standing erect. The doctor was vey confused about it until I explained what happened.