Hey there,
I wanted to introduce myself after using the resources here on Susans for so many years. I haven't been involved with any transgender community except for ->-bleeped-<-, which I've found totally contrary to forming bonds and gleaning real insight over time. I'm really looking forward to digging in deep around here.
I have nothing but 100% authenticity for my sisters. So, here's where I'm at.
I'm at a difficult point in my transition. I've been on HRT for over a year and I had FFS and BA earlier in February. Most of that went well but in hindsight I did not go with the best surgeon. He was too conservative and complications have caused the need for major scar revision surgery. So I'm pretty much laying low, waiting to be cleared for FFS ROUND #2. It's been a real gut punch how much of my precious time is lost because of this. And the money. That fat wad of money gone kaput for what turned out to be a half-measure. At this point I'm a very bitter person who is trying not to be.
But I'm not the first woman to go through this. It's part of the package that things can go awry and we may end up spending more in revisions than our initial surgeries. Hopefully I can make some real friends here who I can share this struggle with, friends who are women like me. I haven't put much effort into that and I need it at this point. I need to have a community to back me up while I go through this harrowing hell ride version of puberty.
I lean towards identifying as a "pre-op" woman. I suppose I'm significantly post-op at this point, having been worked on from head to belly button. Though I get what it means. I have hopes that I'll soon resolve my fears and go with my true desire to fix my cosmic laugh riot of a downstairs area. I want what I'm doing more than anything but I'm still afraid. More now than ever, knowing through real life experience how profound any transition surgery can be.
These last two months have been a major reality check for me.
This may well be the most level-headed and forward looking thing I've written since beginning this process. I think it's because I know you can understand.
Well, aside from all this I'm an academic in the fields of history and criminology though I've abandoned it as a formal profession. I'm an incendiary artist type who cut her outsider teeth on various taboo subjects, religions, and fetishes. I'm not in any way what I like to call a TV Transsexual but damned if I'm not the kind of girl who prefers Macy's to t-shirts. High Femme is my goal. If I were to throw darts at a spreadsheet my greatest strengths are empathy and good humor.
Thanks for reading!
