I don't think my dad really believes I'm transgender?

[tyler_c]

I thought he did, but whenever he talks about it he also mentions these things:

You always played with girl's toys when you were little.
You wanted to do ballet when you were 4.
You played with girl's toys and no one pressured you to.
You're only 16.

I've known something was off at 11. then realized I was trans when I was 12. I do remember being a "normal" female-kid, but I also remember wanting to be literally anyone other than "me" and I didn't know why.
I was never pressured into playing with girls toys OR boys ones, and my brother would play with the girls ones with me. So I never had any sense of gender stereotypes.

But does what you did/acted like even matter when I KNOW I am transgender, no doubt in my mind, and I want to be a man and it's literally impossible to see myself as a "woman."

I've read some things about Caitlyn Jenner and apparently she was a stereotypical boy growing up and no one knew or suspected? (I could be wrong but I think I read that before)

I'm just so frustrated that he thinks this is a phase or that I'm too young to know what I feel or who I want to be? I'm starting to think he's just having a hard time "losing his daughter..."

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Are you familiar with the five stages of grief? (I don't know if I can post links here, but it's also called Kubler-Ross, if that helps.)

I haven't figured out if the parental "But you were such a girly-girl" belongs to "Denial" or "Bargaining" but maybe we can all compare notes and figure it out.

[amberwaves]

It truly is a hard concept for others to understand, especially if you didn't give what many expect as outward signs of it.  It doesn't change the fact that the internal dialogue is wrong.  Others are not privy to our internal thoughts and feelings.  Gender questioning and transgender thoughts/feelings are just not something cis people ever experience, therefore nearly impossible to imagine.  It doesn't make you invalid as transgender or him wrong for not understanding.  It means that there is a communication issue and a possibility that he is not capable of truly fathoming the underlying dynamics for you.  I've experienced a very similar situation for the few people I have come out to.  There are almost no outward signs.  I don't particularly wish to discuss the internal thoughts about it either because I am a very private person.  Keep up hope and work towards being who you want to be.

[Kylo]

It's a common thing among cis. I played with all gender and non-gendered toys, I did all kinds of activities and I refused to get myself a boyfriend for two decades and my parents still had problems believing. I mean you couldn't have found a less stereotypical child than me, and that's still no real "evidence" to them.

I also had the "phase" and "are you sure you're not just going through some kind of crisis" questions. Seem to be very typical reactions from non-trans people.

The important thing isn't what other people believe. It's what you know. 

[Elis]

This seems to be a common story. You can't really be trans because you're not a stereotypical man. If I was in your shoes I'd tell him that if cis men are feminine does that make them actually women. Of course he'd say no so why should it be any different for you. I'd also ask him how come a cis person can know their gender whereas a trans person can not. It's very similar to people saying 'you can't know your sexuality because you're only 16'. Yet a 16yr old wouldn't be questioned if they said they were a 100% straight.
Apart from sending him links about being trans you're just going to have to wait it out. After a year my dad is slowly getting used to the idea I'm trans. And even that being fem is just part of my personality. Even if he was hostile about these things it's my life and I'm not going have anyone holding me back. Just act like yourself and he'll come around.

[FTMax]

The whole concept of being transgender is very foreign to cispeople, because they've never questioned their gender. I would explain to him that your likes, dislikes, and stereotypical gendered behavior means nothing in terms of how you feel.

[haeden]

I wanted to do ballet too and would still love to do it but it has always been as the male.
If that's the same for you you could tell him that and if it's not and you just saw your current self in ballet then tell him that being a man, trans, women, or anyone else doesn't have a script so not everyone is going to like or do the same thing.
It does sound like he's struggling with the idea that he's losing his little girl so maybe showing him that you are still the same person just now you look more like how you feel. I read the story of a stealth guy and he said his dad didn't understand trans until he saw just how normal everyone looked by going to trans meetings together. So if you have any meetings maybe going with him will help too

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[Laura_7]

Here are a few resources that could help:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

especially the unicorn dad website ... its likely not a phase ... etc ...


*hugs*