Coming Out to My Wife

[Brenda3156]

My 50 year struggle of dealing with my transgender self has finally been resolved this past week. The times of denial, purging, covering up and sneaking around in my own house have come to an end. Myself and my wife discussed our situation and we have both agreed that I am a female trapped in a man's body.  She was very supportive and wants me to be happy with myself because she loves me. We went shopping together(what fun!) and bought dresses, bras, panties, stockings, nighties and jewelry. She has helped shave my back while we showered together. We have read up on this together and openly shared our feelings on sex, our marriage and our future together. We have looked at HRT and have agreed to look into it. We have talked with a therapist and she has referred me to a clinic. All I can say is that I am absolutely on cloud nine. A huge weight has been lifted from my soul.  Both myself and my wife have never been happier. We feel closer to each other than we ever have. I am just so glad to have a woman who loves me with all her heart. I know this is not common and I cherish her. I don't know where this journey will go but am overjoyed to have a loving, open minded partner to share it with.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. It sounds like you are will on your way and you are one of the lucky ones in that your wife is willing to stay with you. There are a fair number of others who have remained with their wife and over time you will meet many of them. This site has a wealth of information that will help you with most any problem you come up agains and if there is anything I can help you with, let me know.

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[Mariah]

Hi Brenda, Welcome to Susans. Brenda that is so wonderful to hear. I'm so glad to hear your wife is understanding, supportive and even helpful in helping you move forward with your transition. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[BeverlyAnn]

Hi Brenda.  My wife and I are coming up on 47 years her knowing I am trans and just over 46 years married.  Her attitude about us remaining together for my transition is if anyone else doesn't like it, it's totally there problem and not ours.  We are basically just going on with life with a few small and one big change.  My wife's name is Dee or Deb if your wife would like someone to talk to.

[Atom]

That is great news, so many people don't have that story. Fingers crossed for your futures.

[Pollyanna]

We're the same way. Longtime happy couple, we love each other for who we are and not who has a beard, you know what I mean? It helps that she is a lovely, tolerant, open-minded person. The change is really not that big if you compare it next to love.


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[LizK]

My 50 year struggle of dealing with my transgender self has finally been resolved this past week. The times of denial, purging, covering up and sneaking around in my own house have come to an end. Myself and my wife discussed our situation and we have both agreed that I am a female trapped in a man's body.  She was very supportive and wants me to be happy with myself because she loves me. We went shopping together(what fun!) and bought dresses, bras, panties, stockings, nighties and jewelry. She has helped shave my back while we showered together. We have read up on this together and openly shared our feelings on sex, our marriage and our future together. We have looked at HRT and have agreed to look into it. We have talked with a therapist and she has referred me to a clinic. All I can say is that I am absolutely on cloud nine. A huge weight has been lifted from my soul.  Both myself and my wife have never been happier. We feel closer to each other than we ever have. I am just so glad to have a woman who loves me with all her heart. I know this is not common and I cherish her. I don't know where this journey will go but am overjoyed to have a loving, open minded partner to share it with.

Congratulations and I can relate to feeling that enormous sense of relief when everything is out on the table.  My wife knew about my gender issues before we got married but it took until we had been married 30 years for me to work out I was transsexual and needed to transition. Her reaction when I told her about needing to transition and asked her what her thoughts were about us staying married she looked at me and grinned "You didn't think you were going to get out of this marriage that easily did you" which is a running joke between us.
I know it is an exciting time for you and I would encourage you to enjoy it. You are going to need that courage and commitment when things get tough...because they are going to get tough. Try and put your partner first for the next little while and keep making her feel special. This is a tough gig for us but just as tough for our partners and you need to take care of each other. Good luck on your journey.

Hugs

Liz

[Brenda3156]

Thanks to everyone for their responses and support. She has told me that she always knew that I was "different". I also never hid from her the fact that I had a strong feminine side. Early in our relationship she started buying me lingerie. Things have evolved to where they are now. This "coming out" was for both of us. For the first time I realized several weeks ago that I am transgendered. When the realization hit me a lot of things from my past started making sense. Sharing it with her took courage and it was rewarded with her responding with "I have always known". It was like she already knew and when I came forward to her with it all, she responded with understanding and support. We are closer now than we have ever been. She wants me to find myself, and be happy as a person because she loves me. Such a milestone in my life!

[KathyLauren]

Congratulations, Brenda!  I know what a big step it is to come out to one's spouse.  I am happy for you that your wife is as understanding as mine.  We truly are lucky people.