A new beginning...

[joanna]

Hi everyone,

I am joanna.  I've been a member here since last June and I should have written an introduction earlier but I never had anything interesting to say- until yesterday when all that changed.

I guess my life has been somewhat of a mess like most everyone here.  Dressing up at times and hiding it and later feeling bad about it.  This is not a good way to go through life but I have been doing just that for so many years.  I am somewhat past the midpoint in my life and I knew I had to make a very important decision.  Either move forward or stop completely.  But there really wasn't a choice to make because I knew in my heart that I could never give up the feminine part of my life.

So yesterday I completed my first therapy session.  It was very hard getting to that point but I am so glad I made it.   I feel so very good even after this one time.  The therapist was very understanding and I felt so comfortable with her.  I'm starting to let everything out and I am looking forward to our second meeting early next week. 

There are so many things going through my mind now.  It is still so hard to believe that I have really started therapy.  I really would love to have feminine facial surgery.  My nose is too big and my lips are too small and other things need changed.  I will be so happy when I won't be afraid to look in a mirror again.  I am also looking forward to starting HRT.  I hope it will make my breasts much larger.  But I'm not sure when any of these things will happen.  I just hope everything can start very soon, I've waited much too long for all of this.   In my heart I keep saying please, please make everything happen tomorrow the waiting will be so stressful.

I am married and my wife has been very understanding thus far given the unusual situation.  I try to give her more love and attention to thank her for giving me a chance to finally be my true self.  I wrote a letter to our daughter and gave it to her during her Christmas visit.  It explained everything about my life and, as expected, she is ok with it.  Our son still does not know about any of this, hopefully that will change very soon when I get up the courage. 

I have learned so much this past year about so many things that have been going on in my life.   Maybe now the nightmarish existence that I have lived all these years is finally going to end.  Thank you for letting me share this special time in my life.

Love to you all,


joanna

[stephanie_craxford]

It is a great feeling to finally start isn't it.  I can safely say that many here experienced the same feelings.  It is also very comforting to know that you have family to support you though this as well, and as you have probably read if you want to stay in the relationship then they have to apart of transition.  Don't get impatient though.  We would all like this to happen tomorrow if we could, but remember this is a life process and new life takes a little time to grow.  Don't be in a rush hon.

Steph

[Lisabeth]

Congratulations Joanna on taking steps toward your new beginning.  You said you have been around for a whiile, so I am sure you know most here will say don't rush.  It is a huge undertaking to go through HRT, and I have learned here that there are many risks associated with it.  I am sure you know that though.  I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find that sense of fulfillment that you are looking for.  I know well what it is like live in secrecy your whole life, and lately I've felt like I just can't keep up the charade much longer.  It's torture sometimes, and it seems to get worse with age.  Your wife sounds very understanding.  My wife is trying to understand, but is still somewhat turned off by the whole idea of her husband feeling like a woman inside.  Anyway, I am happy for you!  I look forward to hearing more from you and how you are feeling as your journey continues.  Keep us posted!

Lisabeth

[Peggiann]

Hi Joanna,

I have read some of your post to others and your heart is a tender one. It only showed it to be so again in how wonderfully you shared you Wonderful News in this post. Please have your wife and daughter and son come join us other Significant Others here at Susan's there aren't very many of us to hash things over with. She has a side of this journey to share and we can all learn from each other. Thank you for sharing such great news. Congradulations! Yippy! Hooray!

You and your family are in my prayers.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[Shelley]

Congratulations Joanna,

I'm glad to here that you are making your first steps. I wish you a belated welcome to Susan's and good luck on your journey. I also look forward to reading your posts as you travel down the road of your destiny and thank you for sharing with us.

Shelley

[joanna]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the very kind and encouraging words.  This is indeed a new direction for my life.

Thanks Steph.  I've read so many of your posts I think I know you better than yourself.  It feels very good to hear kind words from you but it is going to be hard to wait for all of this to happen.

Thanks Lisabeth.  My wife hasn't totally accepted all of this but I know she eventually will.   I hope your wife will somehow accept you and try to understand your feelings.  Just take it slow and give her time.  Best wishes dear.

Thanks Peggiann. Your avatar is very charming.  I actually think the SO section might be a good idea.  I will try to get my wife and family to visit there and hope this may be of some help to them.

Thanks Shelley.  I know you are from down under.  I have always wanted to visit there.   Maybe one day soon my wife and I can visit you and you can see the real joanna.   It could happen.

Thanks again.  My very best wishes to all of you,



joanna

[Peggiann]

Joanna,

If you want you can give your wife and kids my email.

You can find it my profile

That's if they would want to visit that way too.

I and Leah have also thought it would be great to go visit the down under. Love the travel channel pictures.

Smiles,
Peggiann

[edit] Personal information removed - Steph

[Shelley]

Hi Joanna,

We'ra a friendly bunch down here and I think you'd love our welcoming customs.

Shelley

[HelenW]

Hi, Joanna, Welcome!

Thanks for your self introduction.  I've seen some of your other posts and I wondered .  .   .    .

I'm a little behind you in my journey but not very far.  I hope I'll be able to read you stories and experiences and learn from them.

again, WELCOME!!!
helen

[joanna]

Greetings Peggiann - You heart is very kind and loving to make such an offer.  I know my son and daughter will have many questions and I may not have all the right answers.  Thank you for being so caring.

Hi Shelley - Actually my wife is from your part of the world but a little bit north of you.  She was born in Korea.  We are planning to visit there in late spring if my work schedule permits it.  We really would love to visit Australia and New Zealand but not sure when. 

Hi Helen - Wow it's going to be a long three months.  That is the shortest time I should be able to start on HRT.   But I am pretty sure that the therapist is going to recommend it for me.  The waiting is really hard but I know it's just part of the process.   Hope your journey is quite smooth.   Best wishes dear.

Thank you all again - love,


joanna

[stephanie_craxford]

Hey there Joanna,

I've read so many of your posts I think I know you better than yourself.

Now there's a scary thought I hope I don't give you nightmares Joanna

Steph