Coming out and not being Accepted

[Chelsea9673]

Let just say I come Out of the closet M T F and mother doesn't accept me because of
her religious belief my mother is Christian so am I but my mother is very judgmental

[Mariah]

So sorry she isn't excepting. Some parents have a real rough time understanding and excepting what we need to do. All you can do is try to explain and educate her, but in the end she has to be the one to reach out to you part of the way. Early reactions are not always the final ones either though so there is still hope. Hugs
Mariah

[Ms Grace]

It sounds like you're theorising at the moment and haven't told her yet...?? Yes?

Thing is, you won't know the outcome until you know. Never presume to expect this or that reaction from someone based on what you know about them. Even so, their first reaction is rarely their final position. Some people start out horrified/angry... any number of negative reactions but can come around and be supportive. Others might make all the right noises, sound happy for you and yet end up cutting you out of their life.

So yeah, "let's just say" you do come out to your mom and she doesn't accept you? That's your worst case scenario, so plan for the worst hope for the best as the saying goes.

I expected I'd be disowned by my folks, they were both stunned but supportive at first. Then my mother got weird about it and my father went into angry denial. Over time my mum has become quite supportive and accepting, my father is begrudgingly accepting. I can live with that, it certainly wasn't my worst case scenario so that was a plus.

[Megan.]

My mum is really struggling, and we've not spoken as a result for some time. I accepted before I came out to my parents that the cost might be to lose contact with them. I'm still in contact with my dad, and I hope my mum will come around, but I can't live my life for them. I'm not judging her, it's hard news for any parent to take. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

[Laura_7]

Here are a few resources that could help you:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,197523.msg1756901.html#msg1756901

You could also look for support, with a counselor or groups like PFLAG ...

There are findings being transgender has a biological connection, to do with development before birth.
So its nobodys faullt.
Like with other birth conditions people should be called to help... in love ... imo ...


*hugs*

[Artesia]

This is my biggest fear, the not being accepted.  The thing is, as a whole, my family is pretty accepting of things.  I have several homosexual cousins, and they have been accepted rather quickly.  But, in the back of my mind, it is the changing of my body that I fear they won't accept.

My wife...is a bit more close minded, he loves her lesbian nieces, but doesn't really fully accept their lifestyle.  I am fairly certain that she will divorce me, if I proceed.  I love her, but am having more difficulty suppressing my feelings about my body, and don't want to be miserable in it any more.  Is it worth being miserable for losing someone that you love over being miserable in the wrong body?

I am seeking counselling, and have found that I can do it with the VA, going to set up an appointment this week.  The extra help from a trained professional, plus the stories, and experiences of people here will help.  Everyone has been great so far, even if they don't know they are helping.

[Emileeeee]

I have a very religious family too. Some of them accepted me without question, some did not. There are a few things you can try, but it's hard to reason with very religious people, even when you use scripture to support your arguments.

For one thing, you may hear Deuteronomy 22:5 thrown in your face. Take a moment to read the rest of that chapter and suggest to anybody that throws it in your face, that they also read the rest of it. That same chapter will implicate nearly every person on this planet.

To my knowledge, Jesus himself never said anything about transgendered people in a good or bad light. I also don't think it's mentioned anywhere in the New Testament. Being gay is, but again, I don't believe Jesus ever freaked out about being gay either. To be Christian, is to follow Christ. It's been awhile, so I could be off base. I was raised in religion, but I'm atheist now.

You can try the treat everybody the way you would want to be treated line, or the don't judge unless you're free of sin line, but those are rarely effective.

You may also hear this little gem, "God doesn't make mistakes." The thing is, as Christians they believe that God made everyone and everything and that God is perfect in every way,. So if God doesn't make mistakes and you're transgendered, that means God intentionally made you transgendered.

Still, I would mentally prepare for the possibility of them never coming around. I would also mentally prepare for the possibility of fleeting acceptance followed by rejection. That's something I never expected to see myself and was totally unprepared for it. The bait and switch routine hurt far more than the ones that just rejected me immediately.

[Michelle_P]

You may also hear this little gem, "God doesn't make mistakes." The thing is, as Christians they believe that God made everyone and everything and that God is perfect in every way,. So if God doesn't make mistakes and you're transgendered, that means God intentionally made you transgendered.

I do have an explanation for this that I've used with those willing to listen. (Powered by 12 years in schools studying religion, Latin, and repression...)

God doesn't make mistakes.  God does sometimes grant us gifts to use in our lives. What we do with those gifts matters.

Recall the "Parable of the talents".  A man going on a journey calls his three servants together.  He entrusts 5 talents (a talent is about 80 pounds of silver, roughly 20 years wages.) to one servant he sees as being very able, 2 talents to a capable servant, and one talent to the third servant.  Then, he leaves.  The servant with 5 talents invests them, and makes another 5 talents.  The servant with 2 talents invests them, and earns another 2 talents.  The third servant buries his talent, fearful of risking it.   The man returns after a long period and settles accounts with them.  The first servant returns 10 talents, the original 5 plus the investment gain, and the man praises him, granting him a high position.  The second servant returns 4 talents, the original 2 plus the gain, and the man praises and promotes him as well.  The third servant returns the original talent he buried.  The man decries his wicked and slothful ways, takes the one talent from him and gives it to the servant with the 10 talents.  "For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

Now, when I was created, I had a family that was fairly well off, a good home, and I would develop with an intelligent and curious mind, the potential for a good education, as a white male.  I think God looked at this and thought "OK, this one has it pretty easy, and needs a special challenge to fully develop.  I think I'll give this one the soul of a woman and see what they do with that."  God caused my mother and doctor to use a new medication, DES, that made my brain ready to receive a female soul.

Now, having been granted this gift, and realized what I have, what am I to do with it?  Shall I bury it, hiding it from the light, so at the end of my days I can only return this gift, unused and uninvested?   Of should I bring this gift into the light of day, use it to it's fullest extent, to let it grow and flourish, for the benefit of myself and those around me, so I may return this gift manyfold at the end of my days?

Now, there are those who would have me bury it, suffer in silence, for this gift makes them uncomfortable.  At The End Of Days, they may very well be cast into the outer darkness.  In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

(Note:  There's a lot of good advice buried in those old books, mixed in with a lot of strange stuff.  Personally, I'm an agnostic, but I was trained by Jesuits...)