Disabled and FTM. feeling depressed

[CrazyCatMan]

Hello, I'm new here so I hope I'm doing this right.

I have a relatively severe neurological condition (though I am considered high functioning) and no one seems to take my desire to transition seriously because of it. When I try to bring it up I usually get a "aw that cute*pats head*" or "your too stupid to understand what your talking about" response. Someone has literally told me I'm not trans because my brains too messed up to know my own gender. (even though all physiologist and neurologist have said my medical condition has nothing to do with my gender identity)

I don't know what to do and I'm starting to feel super depressed about it. Is there any one else having these problems? any suggestion or encouragement? I could really use some positivity.

Sorry if I'm not making any sense.

Please pardon any spelling or grammar errors.

[stephaniec]

If you could talk to a gender therapist it would help with the support

[Nygeel]

I personally don't have experience with the same stuff but I know people who have. Unfortunately a lot of trans people with disabilities are in situations where transition isn't really possible. Caretakers might be transphobic, and providers might see your disability as the real reason why you might think you're trans.

But, if you're looking for support or want to rant there's a queers with disabilities tumblr. Some of the followers might be better at answering these sorts of questions and relating to these problems.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Hello, I'm new here so I hope I'm doing this right.

I have a relatively severe neurological condition (though I am considered high functioning) and no one seems to take my desire to transition seriously because of it. When I try to bring it up I usually get a "aw that cute*pats head*" or "your too stupid to understand what your talking about" response. Someone has literally told me I'm not trans because my brains too messed up to know my own gender. (even though all physiologist and neurologist have said my medical condition has nothing to do with my gender identity)

I have heard a lot of disabled people, queer and straight, complain about this issue. Are you involved with your local self-advocacy group? Perhaps they could even help you in dealing with medical personnel, caretakers, and other gatekeepers who are paternalistically interfering in your life and your decisions.

You have the right to self autonomy to the degree that you are capable. You come off very articulate on here. I'm on the autism spectrum and that severely impacted my ability to advocate for myself and access care when I was in my late teens/early twenties. Medical personnel often dismiss autistic young adults as hysterical nutjobs. In my case I have made huge strides in my social skills and social functioning and I have a powerful advocate in my wife and life partner. When I haven't been able to adequately speak for myself, she spoke for me.

From my contact with the disability community I know there are videos, teaching materials and probably books and pamphlets as well that speak to some of these issues of dignity, human rights, autonomy, self-advocacy, and agency. My county has a Center for Independent Living and the staff and volunteers there are great (and militant).  I hope you have something like that where you live.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You haven't mentioned your age and you don't need to but I suspect you are younger. Young people face exactly what you face but a little different. There parent say "It's just a phase and they will grow out of it". When I came out at age 23, my mom thought she could fix me. It takes time to overcome that attitude but if you need information to start the education of others, let us know and we will do our best to provide it.

We issue to all new members the following links so you will best be able to use the web site.

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[CrazyCatMan]

thank you to everyone that replied. I feel better that someone understands my concerns/problems.

I have a gender therapist (I honestly don't like her but she is the only one in my area) she agreed that transitioning is in my best interest but said she would not write a letter of recommendation for HRT unless I live in my own place and had a full time job. which is really hard for me to do with my medical conditions.

I'm working with disabled advocacy groups but its a lot of waiting and it gets so frustration.

Dean. thankyou for the welcome and the info link they were very helpful

[Alexthecat]

thank you to everyone that replied. I feel better that someone understands my concerns/problems.

I have a gender therapist (I honestly don't like her but she is the only one in my area) she agreed that transitioning is in my best interest but said she would not write a letter of recommendation for HRT unless I live in my own place and had a full time job. which is really hard for me to do with my medical conditions.

I'm working with disabled advocacy groups but its a lot of waiting and it gets so frustration.

Dean. thankyou for the welcome and the info link they were very helpful

You do not need to live on your own or have a full time job. I'm not disabled but I can get T with living with family and only working part time.

If I was a therapist, which I'm not, I would want you to work at least part time so you have money to support your transition. These days living on your own is not always possible even for the non disabled. There is nothing wrong with living with family and it makes more sense in the saving money aspect of life. Lots of adults get a degree and then move back in with parents because they cannot afford to live on their own. Plus if you want future surgeries that money on rent should go to a surgery fund and not on an apartment that you don't need when living with family.

You should strongly advocate for your transition goals and how you plan to pay for it. Stress to her that living on your own is not required when you want to save the most money possible. Who is to say that if you do manage to live on your own and a full time job that she won't find another excuse to say no to HRT.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

What other medical treatments would your therapist withhold until you get your lazy, disabled butt un-disabled and un-unemployed? (that's sarcasm, if not already clear) Anti-depressants? Get a job! Chemo? Do that in your own place! Vaccines? Viral protection is for real people, who pay taxes.

I'm a little bent out of shape right now, but I'm having a hard time understanding this therapist's reasoning. Is HRT supposed to be so stressful or something that it will set you back? Isn't all this pressure to fix all your problems at once liable to set you back?

[CrazyCatMan]

What other medical treatments would your therapist withhold until you get your lazy, disabled butt un-disabled and un-unemployed? (that's sarcasm, if not already clear) Anti-depressants? Get a job! Chemo? Do that in your own place! Vaccines? Viral protection is for real people, who pay taxes.

I'm a little bent out of shape right now, but I'm having a hard time understanding this therapist's reasoning. Is HRT supposed to be so stressful or something that it will set you back? Isn't all this pressure to fix all your problems at once liable to set you back?

sorry to upset you

I don't think she is being malicious. I think many therapist don't understand neurological conditions very well. They look at me and see a healthy person and don't understand the difficulties of invisible disabilities. Besides the fact that the right side of my face droops slightly (barley noticeable) and my surgical scars I look "able bodied." I talk well, though slowly (my neurologist says it is a medical miracle I am able to talk at all) I think many people with neurological conditions have this problem and people subconsciously set there expectations higher than can be met.

I often feel like I'm in a weird limbo were i'm am simultaneously too disabled and not disabled enough.

[Alexthecat]

What state are you in? You could just tell her what you just said about being in limbo and that she is a part of the problem. People are not going to know how you feel unless you tell them.

[CrazyCatMan]

What state are you in?

I'm sorry I don't understand your question.  Are you asking about my state of wellbeing or where i live?

[Alexthecat]

I'm sorry I don't understand your question.  Are you asking about my state of wellbeing or where i live?

Where you live. Then we can better point you to helpful resources.

[FtMitch]

sorry to upset you

I don't think she is being malicious. I think many therapist don't understand neurological conditions very well. They look at me and see a healthy person and don't understand the difficulties of invisible disabilities. Besides the fact that the right side of my face droops slightly (barley noticeable) and my surgical scars I look "able bodied." I talk well, though slowly (my neurologist says it is a medical miracle I am able to talk at all) I think many people with neurological conditions have this problem and people subconsciously set there expectations higher than can be met.

I often feel like I'm in a weird limbo were i'm am simultaneously too disabled and not disabled enough.

You are absolutely right.  I used to teach a high school Life Skills class, and I often had students who faced enormous barriers with people because their disabilities were not apparent at first glance.  Students with obvious disabilities (blind, in a wheelchair, Down Syndrome, etc) were given a lot more respect than students who had emotional issues, cognitive delays that didn't effect social skills, or disorders such as yours.  People seemed to assume that if they couldn't instantly tell a person had a disability then that person didn't deserve to have any accommodations or even an understanding attitude.  It always pissed me off royally.

[CrazyCatMan]

Where you live. Then we can better point you to helpful resources.

Indiana

My problems is not as much no knowing about LGBT and Disabled resources as much as getting access to them. It is illegal for people with my medical condition to drive an any state but new Mexico and Montana and I live in suburban/country with no public transport so I'm kind of stuck withing a 10 mile radius of my house (that how far I can bike without getting gross). The closest LGBT & disabled resources groups are in the closest city 20 miles away.

on the bright side LGBT protections in my town are very good, I live in a "tourist town" meaning most of the the towns money comes people on vacation. When Indiana started trying to pass anti-LGBT religious freedom laws, the county got scared they would lose LGBT business and quickly passed an ordinance that made LGBT discrimination illegal in my town. 

I'm just a mess lol

[CrazyCatMan]

You are absolutely right.  I used to teach a high school Life Skills class, and I often had students who faced enormous barriers with people because their disabilities were not apparent at first glance.  Students with obvious disabilities (blind, in a wheelchair, Down Syndrome, etc) were given a lot more respect than students who had emotional issues, cognitive delays that didn't effect social skills, or disorders such as yours.  People seemed to assume that if they couldn't instantly tell a person had a disability then that person didn't deserve to have any accommodations or even an understanding attitude.  It always pissed me off royally.

Thank you for advocating and caring for people with disabilities. I wish there was more sympathetic and understanding people in the world like you. 

[CrazyCatMan]

I want to thank everyone that has posted for being so kind to me. All of the support you guys have given me has made me feel a lot better. thank you 

[Alexthecat]

Perhaps something like this http://www.in.gov/fssa/2328.htm
http://www.in.gov/fssa/ddrs/2639.htm

I know that the developmental disabilities in my city has volunteers that drive those disabled people when they need to get to various appointments. It might be worth a call to ask. I was driven around a few times when I was super depressed and my mom tried all kinds of things to fix me.

[Jonathan L]

I also find it odd that your therapist is refusing to write a letter for HRT just because you're disabled and live with your parents. I too have a neurological condition (chronic migraine) among other health problems, live with my parents, and work part time, and no one has brought these up as some kind of barrier or reason not to go on HRT, though there is a possibility T might make my migraines worse (I keep getting mixed opinions about this). Are there any clinics that offer HRT with the informed consent model? I've heard Planted Parenthood does this. I went to an endocrinologist who wanted me to see a psychiatrist and get a letter before starting HRT but that just seemed like a waste of time and money to me so I was able to find a doctor who does informed consent through the local Gender Health Center. Maybe there is something similar in your area? I just have to sign a form, no letter. Either way, I really hope you can work something out. It breaks my heart to think of a therapist denying someone HRT basically because they are too disabled to work full time.