How should I address to her/him right now?

[lady godiva]

Hi dear friends!
I am posting this message today cause I am trying to understand how should I address to this person at her FTM transitioning stage.. So, to make it short: I had a crush on a lesbian last year, who is now under HRT since a couple of weeks. Back then, when we were getting to know each other, she mentioned me something about "being a man" inside, but we didn't have the chance to talk more since her jealous GF bulled me into stop seeing/contacting this person. Now, after months of "distance", thanks to parties, common friends, time passing and so on.. there is the slight chance of a reconciliation. Very slight one, since so far we just exchanged some text message.. However: my question is, when I talk with her now, how should I address? Someone told me to use the masculine gender and to consider her more and more like a man. And I tried it, but I have to admit, that I found it kinda hard to use it (the masculine gender) since I still see her like a butch (amazing  ) looking lesbian.. And not a man.
Someone else told me I should ask her, but: how can I "pop-up" asking her "hey hi, I heard you started HRT last month. So how's the grammar now, dear?"  I mean.. What I know about this person and the HRT came from the group of common friends - who used to talk/ "chit-chat" about everything and not from this person directly.
At times, I am sincere, I really would love to sit and listen to this person's story. Know the way she is feeling. And all that comes with that. But I am realising that even approaching someone to talk it is not that easy ( because of many reasons which could be personal, cultural, social o why not, sentimental as in my case).
Wish you a nice day!

[Laura_7]

Here is a brochure that might help understand :

http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf


Well as you feel well with her/she its possible they feel well with him/he ... usually it makes transgender people really happy if people use the right pronouns.

You might simply say you heard they started hrt and that you are supportive.
This might make for a good start .. and then asking if they would prefer him/he ...

its good you are supportive, and I'd say it can make for a really positive feeling from their side.


*hugs*

[Elis]

I went out with a girl when I thought I was a lesbian and thankfully she had no problems with me telling her I could be trans; so using my experience I'd just text him asking what pronouns/name he wants to now use and just saying you're supportive. I'm sure he's a lot more nervous than you are about the whole trans thing as it's kind if impossible for cis people to understand it and it can be quite emotional talking about it; so I'd wait until the person gives you permission to ask questions.
The important thing to remember is that they're the same person they were before and that gender is how the brain is wired; not what parts you happen to be born with and that they're male no matter what they look like.
It's great that you came here to get advice; wish more people were like you

[lady godiva]

Hey dear friends,

thanks for the kind and fast replies! I admit I had written to you immediately but didn't manage to post it right away  In any case, Laura_7: thanks for the interesting document! I will surely have a look at is as I really wanna know more and more about this topic!
Elis, dear wise Elis.. When I read your post, I am sincere, I couldn't feel more relieved -and confused at the same time (LOL!!!) Why am I saying so? Mah, because though I have always belonged to that school of thought , for some unknown reason, little by little I "lost" it and found myself involved in other people's chatter. Given the circumstances, I am sure our acquaintances spoke with very good intention. Just the result of this yakety-yak was not the greatest: I started getting influenced by these lesbians remarking that this person was a young man inside and as such I had to see her. That I had to understand this person's mind was working like any other man's one (and much more that you can imagine). But they were always using the feminine gender..
One day I was also told that this person "never gave it to a straight/bi woman, thus I had to forget about her in that way". You then understand why I'm here now: because though I would like our connection to be back, I find myself lost when now this gender issue ( right 100% internally, mentally speaking ) emerges: I know that this person is in a certain way and in that way I would like to continue to see/relate to her without labels, without constrictions. I know men very well and for no reason I want to be forced to put her among them. Maybe she is not 100% a woman (as indeed, even I do not look like the ideal woman); but believe me when I say, that in my opinion, she is not even a man at 100% (thank goodness!  ) And perhaps it is right this characteristic that makes her so special.

The energy should work on a separate layer than that of the physical form. Then, when this bond is firm, the rest comes from it .. Or so I think.

[Elis]

It definitely takes time to get your head around gender and trans issues; the person in question probably took years to figure it all out. They probably also still feel awkward around people who know they're trans and as such are waiting to hear words of supportive. It's true that they mightn't feel 100% a man; gender is a vast spectrum (I simply feel awkward using female pronouns) and us such it's always best to ask straight away what pronouns to use to avoid possible conflict.
It's great that you're so understanding; hes very lucky to have a friend like you who cares about their wellbeing and can see they're the same person within that they've always been. Feel free to ask any further questions no matter how silly they may seem. We're always here to help

[Serenation]

Best way is to just ask what pronouns they prefer and use those.

[lady godiva]

Actually, last night I sent a message to this person. I don't know why but I was feeling like "I had to do that". Now I am waiting to see whether s*he will reply to me or not. I admit there was not that much asked, thus I can't expect any long reply. I can't hide how much I would love these little contacts, little steps (after months of silence) to mean something. I know s*he didn't look for me since the GF's row, thus I might take it as a clear message. Thoseeyes on me, however, said otherwise. At times I had the impression there was something to be told (in the air) just s*he didn't know how. There was embarrassment when we were alone in the room. When we saw each other in our underwear in the gym and ran away quickly, when during the party the GF was cuddling her insistently.. when..   

[lady godiva]

The mobile phone blinked that my friend had received and seen my message, but I got no reply so far 
I had only checked how this person was doing but ok. After that she turned off the phone/internet so never mind. I did what I was feeling. Thanks to all of you for the kind support and advices! Hugs! ps. If I get any message, I'll let you know!

[JoanneB]

My wife/gf/bff of some.... many years barely after 7 years has a handle on things.

Since most times I am in male mode, I'm John. In female mode she has gotten better to PFG. Often apologizing or just correcting herself with name/gender slips.

Full-Disclosure, I am not the sort of person to get bent out of shape over it. Unless of course I see, AND I WIll, that it is Intentional.

[lady godiva]

Well said, dear!!
Thanks for your participation and just to update you all, no replies so far.