After much deliberation and how and when i would come out, the coming out time is upon me. I initially decided i would start HRT first before i come out to my wife, but my therapist has sensibly convinced me otherwise.
This indecision that is a part of coming out is so nerve racking and one tends to want to look for excuses to delay it. As my therapist said. ´´Davina, you are a transsexual woman. I dont want to see you come back to me when you are 70.´´
So yes. In my mind i have finally decided it is time for Davina to live her life. Of course my thoughts go out to my young children and whether i might ever see them again. But i also know that my life cannot continue like this. For the first time in my life up until i decided to transition, i realised i have been suffering from depression without even knowing about it. Since my decision to transition, i cant believe how relieved i feel and how determined i am to improve myself physically and mentally. I have gone on a very healthy diet, i stopped drinking alcohol. I go to the gym every day and am getting myself into shape. Things i havent been able to do for years. I must be doing the right thing then.
I have also started to do subtle feminization changes to myself. Pierced my ears, plucked my eyebrows, growing my hair and nails. Its becoming a little obvious that something is happening with me. If i dont come out, i might be caught out. I have also secretly been using my wifes makeup. I am sure she will notice soon. I have now for the first time in my life bought my own.
When i see my therapist next monday, i will be dressed up and wearing makeup in front of someone else other than myself for the first time. I am really excited about it.
Back to coming out. I wrote my wife a letter and my therapist is reviewing it. We will discuss it together on monday and then it will be time to give it to my wife. Although i am seriously nervous. I dont want to delay transitioning any longer. I am now at desperation point to live as a woman.
Love Davina
