So TS people will transistion hey?

[carol_w]

Why has everyone waiting for me to make the decision to transistion. I am going on the path of least resistence but it seams my next few years are going to be mixed up until I correct this "problem". I never hated being male - my problem was the derpession taking over my triathlons.

I started when I 1st went to therapy I wanted to get rid of my need to dress. Seams like we as a comunity should look at way to help people like me in the future so they do not get onto the slipper slope of being TS. I stated last week my best outcome would be a happy male. I wish that option was open to me.

I will state again - I never hated being male - I had a great life before depression. It seams I am drawn towards transistion - I do not like it - I will try not to fight it - but I will never regret the male part of my life like some TS do who wish they where born as a female.

Alice,
You have to work through this with your therapist.  I've been told over and over again, "Do not transition unless you absolutely have to".  The option of "staying" male MAY still be open to you.  There may other issues that are causing you to feel the way that you do.  It's essential that you explore EVERYTHING.  You don't want to end up like (luckily, a minority) some TS who regret their decision to transition.

I'm not trying to preach here.  Just encourage you to be open at this stage....

Hugs,

Carol

[Lisbeth]

I've been told over and over again, "Do not transition unless you absolutely have to". 

I do not think that is good advice.  When you are making any major change in your life, you should look at what your motivation is.  Are you moving toward a positive goal or are you running away from something negative?  Running away is usually not good motivation.  Running toward something usually is.  To me, "absolutely have to" sounds like running away.  I would say, "Do not transition unless you absolutely want to."

[Kate]

Transitioning really won't make you happy, but it can allow you to find happienss.

One of the wisest things I've read yet SO true!

The thing of it is Alice, if you had a great life before depression, you gotta make DARN sure that this recent depression and current unhappiness is from the GID and not something else. When I read your words, I hear the pain and suffering, but sometimes it almost sounds like you don't WANT to live a female life? If you would rather be a happy male, then by all means explore every possible means to do so.

I think most people transition when the very concept of "living as a happy male" makes no sense anymore. Not that it's always a totally miserable existence as a male, but with GID there's always this all-pervading, persistent, and unavoidable sadness infecting everything we think and do, no matter HOW good and fun it may be on the surface. For me anyway, every single happy experience and event ALWAYS came with the thought, "yea that's great, but I SHOULD be enjoying this as a female." It sucked the joy from life, the colour out of every experience. I knew who I was. I just didn't know how to GET there.

So the idea of "living as a happy male" would be emotional suicide for me. I love me, I love Kate. Wishing to live as a happy male would be like wishing myself dead, to destroy everything right and true about who I am. THAT would the worst tragedy of all.

~Kate~

[Shana A]

At the start why is there not a way to accept we have a male body and be happy with it. If the disphoria is a mind/body conflict - why can some not invent a way to fix the mind.

Alice,

I can empathize with what you're feeling. I transitioned in 1993, then after a year fulltime RLT, didn't continue any further. I currently id as androgyne, some days I don't think about gender at all, at other times I still think I'd probably be happier if I changed my body to match my inner sense. I also deal with depression. I manage to live as who I am w/ male body. But the question doesn't ever end. I expect this will be part of my entire life.

Zythyra

[shanetastic]

something people dont like to accept or consider is varying levels of GID, i dont think it is the same effect on everyone....
some may feel ok, personally, im repulsed by my genetalia, ive cried infront of the mirror naked, wishing it away, some can live male, if they can, its a blessing, live a normalish life please! dont transition unless you really have to for any chance of happyness...
im transitioning to end a 19 year nightmare...
R

I prefer to call it a 19 year suicidal battle, but that's 52583209x better now at least.

[Rachael]

aye. i tried 3 times, being the real me was the only thing in my life so far ive been good at!
R

[Alena43]

Alice
I don't hate my male body, I just know that I am truly a female, but it took a very long time to truly accept this about myself and to be true ro myself which is what I am finally doing.

I tried everything to avoid looking at this part of me, and nothing worked, in fact in avoiding looking at my true self, i suffered from great bouts of depression, which caused many other problems for me. All I can say is that it takes what it takes for you to be ready to truly accept who you are. I also stongly believe that I was not ready to accept my true self until earlier this year.

It took alot of soul searching and finally facing the fact that I am ts. It is not something I asked for or wanted to be when I grew up, but it is what I am.

I have noticed that since I have accepted this about myself and have started taking steps toward being my trueself , that I no longer have the huge bouts of depression, I have my self esteem back, and I have a confidence that I have not had for very long time. I have been told this by my therpapist, my friends who know what I am doing. I feel alive and for the very first time in along time I am somewhat content.

but, like I said this has taken a long time to get to this point. I also know that I a very long and difficult road ahead of me, but i am truly excited about taking this journey and basically starting my life all over.

Please take care and just take as much time to find your true self as you need, I wish you the best.

JUST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF That is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

HUGZ
Ariana

[TheBattler]

Thanks Ariana,

I am finally accepting I am TS. As you well know this is a long process and I am angry about loosing my former sporting life. I know inthe long term accpeting I am female is very important for me to be happy. I am slowly getting to where I need to be.

Alice

[Lisbeth]

Thanks Ariana,

I am finally accepting I am TS. As you well know this is a long process and I am angry about loosing my former sporting life. I know inthe long term accpeting I am female is very important for me to be happy. I am slowly getting to where I need to be.

Alice

Why should you have to lose your sporting life?  Women can do anything.

[Laura Elizabeth Jones]

Thanks Ariana,

I am finally accepting I am TS. As you well know this is a long process and I am angry about loosing my former sporting life. I know inthe long term accpeting I am female is very important for me to be happy. I am slowly getting to where I need to be.

Alice

Why should you have to lose your sporting life?  Women can do anything.

Indeed, lots of women are into sports. If you like it then go ahead and keep doing it.

[Kate]

Thanks Ariana,

I am finally accepting I am TS. As you well know this is a long process and I am angry about loosing my former sporting life. I know inthe long term accpeting I am female is very important for me to be happy. I am slowly getting to where I need to be.

Alice

Why should you have to lose your sporting life?  Women can do anything.

Exactly. The thing of it is Alice, transition doesn't necessarily destroy your old life... it just places it into the proper CONTEXT. You can still compete, you can ride and swim, just as a woman... and from a woman's perspective. But if that thought makes you sad or angry, then you really gotta dig deep and figure out where that's coming from.

It's one thing to be sad and angry over the difficulties of transitioning, and over possible losses like job, friends and family. But if you're sad and angry over losing your male LIFE, then... IMHO, that's something you really, REALLY need to address with your therapist before starting a transition.

Transitioning isn't a cure for depression. Consider that even after transitioning, you may STILL be angry and bitter - perhaps even moreso - over losing the life you seem to want to hold on to. If you don't resolve these issues, they're just going to follow you right into your womanhood and continue to haunt you.

~Kate~

[Ms Bev]

Hey there    .
I never hated being male, I just preferred being female, and fantasized about it often, and dressed when I could.  But being male.....I didn't really HATE it, but I was very jealous of females.  At 52, I started transition, then stopped, then started again at 53, then stopped.  At 54 I decided to go full tilt, because it was what I truly wanted/needed, otherwise, I would live, and die incomplete.  It was not until I was 56 that I got a doctor and a therapist.
So, what was their diagnosis?  Classical transsexual, fully transitioned, late onset.
In my case, what they saw WAS my diagnosis.  I guess what I'm getting around to, was even without a therapist's opinion and advice, I transitioned.  Don't worry about do I or don't I.  Bottom line is, you will, if you must, and the way a therapist makes (or should make) their diagnosis of if you are ts is that you tell them so.  After that,  they can help you over the hurdles.

All the best,

Bev

[TheBattler]

Gee - I get it now. I am more relaxed and comfortable as a Female - so transistion makes sense.

As for my sporting life - depression has taken it away from me. It will take me a long time to get even close to where I was - and any transistion will not help. As I said before - all of this was taken a lot of energy and I would be a lot happier if that energy went into the triathlons.

Alice

[Omika]

Yo Alice.

You're just going to be in limbo for a while.  Your life is not going to implode.  Your brain isn't going to be scooped out and replaced.  The planet is not going to collapse and God isn't going to point his finger at you and declare, "DUDE WTF YOU MESSED EVERYTHING UP".

The world is not ending.  It's still spinning - sort of like your head.

You remind me of me.  Or as I like to refer to my former self now; him.

He was a well of untapped potential.  He was talented and intelligent and dapper.  He could pick a woman out of a crowd and make her his.  He was a brilliant artist and a beautiful linguist.  He was a writer and a poet.  He was masculine and charming.  To be honest, if I ever met a man like him, I'd probably fall in love just like every other girl that fell head over heels for him.  I loved this boy.  He was my brother.

None of his relationships ever worked, because he was so withdrawn.  There was a certain emotional distraction that every woman he got involved with picked up on.  I would claw at the back of his eyes and rattle around in my cage and bare my teeth and yell "Let me touch her!  Let me talk to her!"  and I would, and he wouldn't be aware of it.  And they would be confused.

So when he finally got so exhausted from guarding my cage and fell asleep, I put him out of his misery.  It was a rather interesting experience.  This is because afterwards, I realized that he had always just been a figment of my imagination, and that there truly was no force great enough in the universe preventing me from being free.

Your species is here to help you, not pressure you or hurt you.  Anyone who tries otherwise should be ignored.  However, you can only know what you experience, so, burrow inside of your own skull as deep as necessary.

You should not be lamenting like this.  It should not be a question of, "How do I turn into a woman?"

Instead, you should be wondering to yourself, "Where is she, where is she?  Where did I put her?"

She can help you.  You can help you, Alice.

~ BB

[SallyTPol]

Alice,

I also live in Sydney, and know the psychs that deal with TS issues in Sydney.

Any good psych will look into your past and your state of mind, and will not allow you to start hormones without a good indication that you are TS, and any doctor will seek the opinion and approval of your psych before starting you on hormones.

With myself, I hated being male (but not everyone is like that), and was slowly self destructing, and would have eventually succedded in ending my own life, now post transisiton I am the happiest I have ever been, and am no longer on the path to self destruction.  I have a job where I am respected and liked (and my collegues know cause I transitioned on the job).  So I have been one of the lucky TS's that have had a successful transition.  My journey from first seeking help, starting hormones and transisiton was just 3 months, short, but it was right for me.

Remember that for most, transition is not an easy thing, be prepared to loose contact with friends and family, you will be on hormones for the rest of your life, and the posibility that you may be out of work.  This doesn't mean that it will happen, but it is things to be prepared for.

My mum, dad and siblings no longer want anything to do with me, but apart from that I have been lucky, I have a wonderful partner, whom I love dearly, my neighbours know and are great, my work could not have been better with transition, my collegues are great, and treat me as if I was always female, and include me on things.

So basically if transition is for you, then do it, but if you have any doubts, then you need to sort out those doubts before transition, or you might find that transition is not for you, and that you are happy and confortable just cross-dressing.

You mentioned that you wish that somone could invent a way to fix the mind.  I have to say that for many of us fixing the mind is a very scary path for science to take, I know myself I would not want to fix the mind, because I am female, and have no desire to be male, fixing the mind can be likened to trying to straigten a gay person, which would also scare the hell out of me, since I am a lesbian.  But I guess for people that are not 150% certain that transition is the only way for them to be themselves, then fixing the mind might seam like a viable option, and only you can do that, but you will probably always live with the desire to cross-dress.

Ensure that you speak with your psych about your doubts and concerns so that he knows everything he needs to know and can then make the best suggestions for you.  If you are unhappy about being put on hormones so quickly, or are unhappy with your doctor, then seek out another.

Remember it is your life, and you need to be happy, if happiness is transition, then transition, if happyness is cross-dressing, then cros-dress.  Everyone is different.