Men shopping in ladies department

[Josefa]

  I am a newbie in all respects so excuse my lack of knowledge. I have been reading posts and I have ascertained that if I go into the larger commonly known department store and start shopping in the ladies department as a male for panties or bras I won't draw a lot of attention or be reproached and asked to leave and publicly embarrassed and chastised... most of the time that is? (Run on sentence  ). I know there are no real guarantees in life and nothing applies all the time in every situation.

Thanks,

[Dena]

Most of the time, all they care about is that the color of your money is green. People tend to have better luck asking young women for assistance but men will sometimes make purchases for their wives. If you think about it, women often buy things for their husbands and children because the wife is the only one with the time to do the shopping so most of the time, it isn't a big deal.

[Hikari]

I work in a general department store that Has everything from groceries to a nail salon and I do see men from time to time buy women's clothes and children's clothes too and my first thought isn't that they are a cross dresser, transperson, etc but they they are buying them for someone else. I generally assume the same thing about men coming in buying pads and tampons even if that isn't always the case.

So even if you need help from the staff and you don't want to ourself just create a fictional "wife" who is sick right now who, you are shopping for with the same proportions as you have. No need to get nervous or out yourself if you don't want to.

[Cindy]

I shopped in 'female' stores pre transition and only ever had one instance of concern when a shop assistant insulted me. I complained to management, she was fired and the store gave me the item, a raincoat, as an apology for the abuse I suffered.

To be honest as others have said, men shop for their wives, girlfriends, daughters, themselves and people don't really care. I got my first bra fitting just after I started HRT and the girls where just appearing, the woman who helped me was wonderful and caring.

[Kylo]

In the large department store in the city I used to live in, I would see women in the men's section buying for husbands/boyfriends and occasionally a man in the ladies section buying stuff for his girlfriend or wife. I don't think anyone really cares that much these days. It's not really a gendered space, it's not like only men or women are allowed to wander into their own sections (I saw people wandering about lost in both sections all the time, like it was Ikea lol) and I think if you just do what you're doing with confidence less people will notice you.

[Michelle_P]

It's amazing how little a department store clerk cares about who buys what.  No, really!

I often go shopping in the big box and department stores (Costco, Target, Kohls), rolling my cart up and down the aisles.  Absolutely nobody seems to care if I wander through the women's section and put a few items from there in my cart. On a recent Costco trip, I bought grapefruit, bananas, tofu, yogurt, coffee, Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, a box of three Flexee briefs, Calvin Klein tank-style undershirts, almonds, Metamucil, and microwaveable brown rice.  Off to the checkout stand, and out in about a minute.

It's just that easy.

Cosmetics can be even more fun.  Just bring lots of cash...  I wandered into an Ulta in guy mode, looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights.  The cashier asked me if I needed help, I said yes, and one of the salespeople took me in tow and asked what I was looking for.  "Pore reducing primer and foundation, please"  "Is this for...?" "I'd say it was for my sister, but we both know better.    "  "Oh, we get lots of men here. Let's see what your color is."  Boom, I'm in the chair, testers out, and we find a good match.   I'll have to go back sometime (after I get the beard zapped and HRT rolling) for the full makeover.

[Fresas con Nata]

Similar story here. When I came out to whom over time become my best friend, her support gave me such a boost that the next day I went to buy some girly clothing. In the small lingerie shop I just asked for a 85B (european size), she offered an awful bleach-yellow one and I said "hey, I have to like it too , what about that one?" and that was all. Ok, I pretended it wasn't for me, but with my totally guy appearance, it would make zero sense.

Small shoes shop, "I'm looking for blah blah [some high heeled ones] —We have these —Hmm, no one attracts my atten... wait a minute, I like those red ones!". Pretending they weren't for me I couldn't try them and later at home I saw that they were one size too large, phone call, "what time do you close?" and that same day I picked up my size.

Tights, moisturizer creams, pore strips... zero issues and zero comments.

Yeah, when I bought the wig, that was a different story indeed

[Josefa]

Thank you ladies so much for sharing your experiences with me.  They give me courage to step a bit closer to the looking glass.  I have always thought they would figure me for some kind of perv or something.  One of the reasons I have never explored these feeling or this side of myself.

hugz

Josefa

[Claire_Sydney]

The cashier asked me if I needed help, I said yes, and one of the salespeople took me in tow and asked what I was looking for.  "Pore reducing primer and foundation, please"  "Is this for...?"

Haha!!

This was me a few days ago. Went into a cosmetics store dressed  in guy mode to change the colour of my concealer (don't really need to conceal facial hair any more).

"Is it for yourself sir?"
"Yep"
"Wanna try it on?"
"Yep."
"Hmm.. You need one shade darker actually."
"Yep."
"I'll have get it ordered in for you sir."
"Great, thanks."
"D'you wanna leave that on?"
"Not by itself"
"No, probably not. Do you want me to put some foundation and eye makeup on for you for no charge?"
"Maybe not today."
"No problem!"
[ removes concealer ]

As others have said, it's all about confidence. If you look like you belong, people will believe you do belong. I used to be terrified about being caught buying nail polish remover in the supermarket. Now I find myself complaining to the store manager when they don't have the acetone free version, because I don't like to put such heavy chemicals on my delicate nails. I also find myself talking openly with strangers on the train about being trans. Most people are tolerant, if not a little curious..

The converse is that I try to balance being confident and open about being trans with remaining safe. That's requires thinking about when and where I will be open and
honest. In my view though, there are certainly not many shops you can't be yourself in.

So go nuts. Try everything on! See what you like! And, as Cindy intimated, demand professional respect from staff.

(If that's a bit much at this early stage, then as others have said, remember that there are lots of guys in the women's section for all kinds of reasons)

Happy Shopping !!

[Marlee]

just be careful not to out "yourself" by offering the 'wife" story. It would be for only if it comes up in a conversation, or you are outright asked who it is for.
I can recall a time buying (eyeliner, I believe) that I actually carried a piece of paper..a shopping list ..as if someone else had written down exactly what they me to get.

The only time I was asked, was a time I bought nail polish along with some groceries. The checkout girl pulled it out of the cart and asked it that was for me. But I grinned realizing she wasn't asking if it was for me...she was just making sure it wasn't something that fell into my cart accidentally 

[Josefa]

Hi,

Went shopping today as a cis male in ladies dept. at Target and WalMart and all went well.  I was nervous but don't think I turned too many heads.  Was asked if I needed any help at WalMart employee showed me where the skirts were.  Tried a size 20 but was a little tight they didn't have a 22 or 24.  Guess I'll be checking out on of the ladies plus stores.  Have to start exercising again. Anyway it was a little stressful and a lot different but all in all fun.  I haven't learned the different sizes yet.  Wish I had a girl friend to go with.  Will try again another day. 

Need to ask one more time. Do or did many of you cis males or cis males who have now transitioned, shop in ladies department stores for clothes and undergarments as cis males and what were your experiences. Were you uncomfortable shopping as a cis male for ladies clothes for yourself? Am I  being siily?  .  Asking this seems about as awkward as actually shopping.

Thanks

Josefa   

[Dena]

I was waiting for that one and I have a site for you. I use it because some sizes are hard to find but I started using to buy hose.
http://www.hanes.com/hanes

[Josefa]

       heehee

Thank you, 

Dena 

[Debbie]

Take out your mobile phone and pretend that you're buying something for your "wife" and are currently taking instructions from her on the other end of the phone. I occasionally use this technique when buying cosmetics and clothes. I use it less often now, and try not to worry about what others might think.

[Josefa]

Debbie, 

Thanks, I sort of did that today when I was convert cis-m size to women's size.  Played like I was texting. 


Josefa

[Cindy]

Hi,

Went shopping today as a cis male in ladies dept. at Target and WalMart and all went well.  I was nervous but don't think I turned too many heads.  Was asked if I needed any help at WalMart employee showed me where the skirts were.  Tried a size 20 but was a little tight they didn't have a 22 or 24.  Guess I'll be checking out on of the ladies plus stores.  Have to start exercising again. Anyway it was a little stressful and a lot different but all in all fun.  I haven't learned the different sizes yet.  Wish I had a girl friend to go with.  Will try again another day. 

Need to ask one more time. Do or did many of you cis males or cis males who have now transitioned, shop in ladies department stores for clothes and undergarments as cis males and what were your experiences. Were you uncomfortable shopping as a cis male for ladies clothes for yourself? Am I  being siily?  .  Asking this seems about as awkward as actually shopping.

Thanks

Josefa   

Well I'm not sure if there are many cismales on the forum! Most of us fit under the trans umbrella!

[Josefa]

   Cindy,

Hi,
Yes, I have gathered that for the most part, but I thought there may be some other newbies or relatively so who haven't transitioned yet or some whom have, willing to share their experiences in starting to buy for themselves.  Just to help me become more knowledgeable and so I will stop pestering you ladies to death about this issue, who shopped with you or for you in the beginning?  I guess I thought most were some fashion or degree cis male in the beginning.  I know this is probably becoming tiresome answering my silly posts, for that I apologize.

Please don't take this as confrontational I am not being so.  I just have more questions than answers.

Thanks so much.

Josefa       

[Josefa]

Thinking about this more maybe I am using the noun, cis male incorrectly.  Maybe I should have said people who up to now or in the not to distant past dressed mainly as a male person because of internal questions or work or other socioeconomics reasons are now starting to shop for women's clothes.

Thanks so much,

Josefa

[Michelle_P]

Thinking about this more maybe I am using the noun, cis male incorrectly.  Maybe I should have said people who up to now or in the not to distant past dressed mainly as a male person because of internal questions or work or other social or economic reasons are now starting to shop for women's clothes.

Oh, got it.   Yes, I've been doing this for a while, presenting male and picking up women's clothes.  I'm sort of 'playing on the Easy setting', though, as I have a fairly small frame, and know my sizes.  That lets me go shopping in most department stores without helpful clerks I can confuse.      That is, the stores I frequent are self-serve (Costco, Target, Kohls, etc), and I just roll a cart up to the checkout stand with whatever I'm getting.    Some of these stores around me have fairly large plus-size woman's departments, and might do well for you once you have your sizes down.

Sizing gets a little tricky as we often have broader shoulders and narrower hips than ciswomen.  I find that I generally need a 10 Regular on pants, which would usually imply a medium-sized top, but need a large top to handle my big bones.  From there I had to learn the little size quirks of different brands.   One easy way to try a large range out without going totally broke is to hit a thrift shop.  I went into a Goodwill store presenting male, walked over to the women's blouses, and picked half a dozen that looked about right on the shoulder seams, a mix of mediums, larges (and Chico's 2 and 3s.  Thanks a bunch for rolling your own standard.  ).  Again, the clerk just didn't care. A sale is a sale.  Anyway, I found, for example, that a Ralph Lauren Denim medium is a little looser on me than a Banana Republic fitted large.   What didn't fit eventually got re-donated.

[Josefa]

Michelle

Thank you for you input and ideas.  I'll have to get over it, and just do it.

hugz,

Josefa