Hi!!!
i'm in a stress full situation
im girl that born like a boy and pre-HRT and pre-all but pufff
... i feel sad about think about all
So what i could say,
First, my psychologist and doctor tell me that keep calm and think it again because they don't think that im ready now. im thinking about start a self-medication HRT but im scared
Second, i look really manly and out of my home i act manly because im afraid to the other people think im strange thing about me... i hope start living like a woman in my house or something but i know it's impossible, because my father is homophobic and my mom know about me but dont give me her full approve. So i plain finish my studys and start i new live far far away of my parents house but dont want cut loops with my mom because she is like a friend and i hope someday she approve me. So if i start a HRT i want be a secret woman or prepare my body to my new life.
Third, last month i went out a pair of times to different places with a friend (a girl) like friends. i thought that was like other time that she is the girl and i'm the "guy" who escort her to girls shop (i love doing it with other friend (other girls) so i could learn about girly thing and its really funny) ...but i started feeling that i like her and i tell her that "i dont know but probably i like you", when i said it, i felt die...
Before all i thought that i was bisexual but more hetero because i like more the boy's body
and how a guy is with a girl so i wanted be a girl(me) with a guy
... and not a gay-men with other men
because i don't like "backdoor things"... u know what i try to say so i wanted doing my transition and after look for my blue prince. But with her is wow
... she is really feminine but sometime she acts like a blue prince and i love that. She likes guy... manly guys but i felt that the only way that i could be with a woman is like a lesbian... i dont think she accepts me in that way. im not sure of my feeling and i want tell her about my situation but i dont know how she takes it but she is a open mind person. and plus it we have common friends and i met her family. so i dont want lose a important friend, . Could i try be a man? or tell her about me? or forget all and be only friends?
What should i do?
pd: sorry, if my english is not good enough
After, that i wrote this i feel better ...like i left a heavy rock
