Everything just hit me

[Midnightstar]

Okay, i basically already understood i was transgender
but i don't often read however i read a book that reminded me of myself and even gave me another idea to part of identity. I feel like iv'e never been hit with the overwhelming wave of you're trans but i was just hit with that wave iv'e been hit by things like this relating to this but not this. It actually scared me i didn't realize how close i would be to that how close my thoughts related to others not in this extent never in this extent.
I know what i'm going to do, i'm already getting down that road but for some reason my brain is behind
and only now yelling at me "What am i going to do" "What am i going to do" like some type of freak out.
It's to much, and its scaring me
where am i going to go to escape being considered "She" i'd have to escape where i was born for sure.
And how am i going to escape where i live when i don't have the items and knowledge to do that yet.
And then i think to myself i'm going to be stuck, this wont end.
How am i going to live that life when im already skiddish in my nature and scared to speak out.
The reality iv'e known hit me late
really late for some reason....and its a lot.

[RobynD]

I think it comes to many of us like that. My feelings, fears and thoughts continue to evolve. I put on a decent act like it is all together for me, but it is not and may never be completely.

I do know that i am happier and healthier now and that i am better for my loved ones around me. I don't have to put on the façade of being a man of any sort anymore. Maybe i am not 100% accepted by everyone in society and in my circles of life, but then again most people can say that about a whole host of individual things such as spiritual beliefs etc.

There is still a lot of unknown for me, but one strategy i do apply as much as i can is to count the positives (blessings) as my Mom and Grandmother use to say all the time. That helps drive the fear away..

[Rachel]

Hi,

Like anything large and overwhelming when you look at it all at once. Stand back and take it one step at a time. Make a plan and get help from a gender therapist.