been confused for what seems forever and i need help

[possiblyrhianne]

I think I'm transgender but I'm not sure if its true or I'm just depressed. Everyday I am doubting my gender and its a constant thing going on all day from the moment I wake up. This has been the case for several years in 21 now.

If I go out and see other girls I get jealous and end up feeling bad again because I'm not like them.

I dress as much as possible like a girl to try and cope with the dysphoria and this does give me some comfort but having to undress makes me upset again. Over the winter I had been shaving all my legs to make me feel more comfortable with them but have recently had to let part of it grow in fear of what family would say when wearing shorts.

I feel like I want to be a girl and at times I think yes that's definitely what I am and want to transition but other times I doubt it and I just don't know. This doubt makes me think that I could just be depressed and using this as a coping method but then I think maybe I'm depressed because I'm the wrong gender.

My girlfriend knows about all this and isn't bothered about me dressing up and often helps me. We go clothes shopping all the time together and its super cute of her. When I am in 'girl mode' she does treat me like her girlfriend. We have had many upsetting conversations where I thought I might have been coming out as trans to her but we always end up thinking its something else like being gender fluid or just from being depressed.

Its really horrible and makes me feel awful constantly and my terrible mood swings really cause upset between me and my girlfriend.

Help from people who have been through this would be greatly appreciated

[Laura_7]

This is a resource by a reputable source, the british National Health Service:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf


There are studies showing being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth. There are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible, in various stages. Imo thats why there is a transgender spectrum.

So its how people really feel, its nobodys fault, and its nothing to be ashamed of. It might help with self acceptance, and it might help cis peole understand. Transgender people have been around in all cultures... it simply is how people feel.
Apart from gender issues transgender people are people like everbody else, with normal needs and cravings.
Some people make a comparison with a male/female twin... people will be like a twin, with still the same sense of humour.

You might aks for counseling, with an experienced gender therapist.
You might aks at local lgbt centers, plannedparenthood or look here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162888.msg1400316.html#msg1400316

There are also online therapists:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html


*hugs*

[Rachel]

Welcome to  Susan's Place. All new users receive this message.

I recommend seeing a gender therapist.

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. What you are feeling is pretty normal and is a strong indication that you are transgender. Being transgender is somewhat different in that a doctor can't diagnose you and only you can determine if you are and what variation of transgender you are. Feeling transgender isn't always a constant feeling. Distractions and social pressure can make the feeling fade for a time. On the other hand, the non binary contains fluid or bigender where you can feel male sometimes and female at other times. While a gender therapist is important in exploring and determining what actions to take, I have two links for you to look at. The first is our WIKI where many of the transgender feelings are defined. The other link is "the transition channel"
where you will see the questions you will need to answer in a therapy session and you will be able to match your feelings to a medical diagnoses. If you have any questions, post them on this thread and I will attempt to answer them.

[HappyMoni]

 I thought I would say hello and welcome you. The people here are very nice and very helpful. No one can tell you your truth. You have to find that of course. I can give you some feedback. It seems to me that being depressed doesn't bring about feelings of being transgendered. I would not dismiss the feelings as part of being depressed. It is my experience, and I have read it over and over on these boards that the feelings don't go away. I gave into being ashamed of my feminine feelings for many years. I was miserable in my denial and emotional withdrawal as a result. I have only become happy by coming to terms with my true self. I would urge you to work on figuring yourself out and not hide from your feelings. Your girlfriend sounds very supportive. I would suggest you be honest with her. If you stay together and deceive her about yourself, she will likely be angry. Good luck!
Moni

[suzifrommd]

We have had many upsetting conversations where I thought I might have been coming out as trans to her but we always end up thinking its something else like being gender fluid or just from being depressed.

Welcome Rhianne.

Being gender fluid is simply another way people experience being trans.

Your experiences sound similar to what a lot of other people here have gone through. You'll find many people here with similar feelings.

Wouldn't hurt for you to see a gender therapist if that's a possibility. My other suggestion is to keep posting and reading posts here. I guarantee you'll find some that are helpful.

[possiblyrhianne]

Thank you for all of your replies. feeling much better today, was just a bad day yesterday. Got lots to think about I guess and it is a great help hearing some advice from others who have been through this xx

[stephaniec]

it's good to talk it out

[possiblyrhianne]

it's good to talk it out

It really is so good to talk to people about it.

Makes you feel less alone.

I find it hard to talk to my girlfriend about it obviously so I feel lonely in that sense but reading peoples stories on here is a good way to unscramble my head a small bit