Scared to talk about gender identity and dysphoria with my therapist

[jossam]

I want to tell her dysphoria and anti-trans discrimination are huge causes of anxiety and depression in my life. She's not a gender therapist. There are no gender therapists in my area. Trans awareness is very very weak in my country.

I'm seeing her because of anxiety and depression issues. There are other causes for that, it's not just dysphoria, but this one plays a huge role. I am extremely unhappy with this body. This is how I figured out my only option is transition if I don't want to live a miserable life. I feel like I'm dragging myself through life right now, without actually living. It's a horrible feeling and a large part of it is caused by me being trans (specifically by physical and social dysphoria).

I'm scared to bring up these issues because I'm scared of invalidating reactions. I had a bad experience with the previous therapist, so I dumped her and the psychiatrist found this new one. I didn't tell why I didn't like her, I just said I didn't feel comfortable.
What scares me is dismissing my transness as "homosexuality", which already happened with that previous therapist. "I get it, but it's still homosexual behavior" she said. I felt really invalidated. The homosexual label hurts me not because I have something against gay people, but because it's basically like calling me a woman who likes a woman, and I'm not a woman.

So I just have issues opening up. I'd have issues asking to use male pronouns after "coming out" to my therapist. It just makes me feel like I'm not real and people think I am fake or extremely mentally ill. This new therapist sounds very sweet, caring and kind. She's just a few years older than me, in her late 20s. I don't think any serious, professional psychologist could treat a patient badly and not believe them or invalidate them, but it can still happen. She sounds very professional though. Still, the fact I'm seen as a woman affects me negatively
I don't know what other people wrote (therapists and doctors write down stuff about my mental health, I don't remember what this "document" is called), but I strongly suspect there is something like "attraction to the same sex" or homosexual written there. I heard another therapist mention "same sex attractions". I know my sex is still female (I am pre everything) but it just bothers me when people use those terms. Can you see what I meam? Please someone tell me I'm not the only one!

[Laura_7]

This is a brochure by a reputable source, the british National Health Service:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

There are studies showing being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth. There are differences in brains of women and men so a mismatch is possible, in various stages. Imo thats why there is a transgender spectrum, i.e. from crossdressers to people wanting to transition.

So its how people really feel, its nobodys fault, and its nothing to be ashamed of. It might help with self acceptance, and it might help cis peole understand. Transgender people have been around in all cultures... it simply is how people feel.
Apart from gender issues transgender people are people like everbody else, with normal needs and cravings.

Here are a few more thoughts that might help:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,208438.msg1847661.html#msg1847661


Gender idendity and sexual orientation are two different things.
Here is a graph explaining:
http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Genderbread-2.1.jpg

All of those can be translated in another language here:
https://translate.google.co.nz/

This is all info from reputable sources which can be printed and shown.


Lol the mixup with being gay is not uncommon.
It might be explained with a preference for food. Some people like a certain kind of food but not others. And its not likely to change.
But it has no influence on gender identity, thats a different thing.

hugs

[itsApril]

I want to tell her dysphoria and anti-trans discrimination are huge causes of anxiety and depression in my life. She's not a gender therapist. There are no gender therapists in my area. Trans awareness is very very weak in my country.

I'm seeing her because of anxiety and depression issues. There are other causes for that, it's not just dysphoria, but this one plays a huge role.

No, you're not the only one.  Lots of trans folks have problems opening up to important people in their lives, including medical and healthcare practitioners.  Gender roles are deeply impressed upon us in growing up, and deviation from them is powerfully stigmatized by society.  It's not surprising that we find it difficult to be candid.

But you have to do it.  As you yourself pointed out, gender and body dysphoria play a large role in your emotional suffering.  If your therapist doesn't understand this factor, she's not going to be able to help you come to grips with your anxiety and depression.  She'll just be looking for non-existent or marginal issues, instead of one that is real and central.  That's a waste of her time and (more importantly) yours.

I understand how hard it can be to bring this up in therapy.  If you can't find the courage or the words to bring it up verbally, I suggest you just print out what you have posted above, bring it along to your next appointment, and ask your therapist to read it.  Then you can let her take it from there.

It's possible she might not understand, or that she lacks training and familiarity with gender issues.  But most therapists are intelligent and caring people.  If they lack knowledge, they will investigate to learn what they need to know.  If your therapist is one of these, this could be an opportunity for growth for both of you.

[DawnOday]

I'm seeing her because of anxiety and depression issues. There are other causes for that, it's not just dysphoria, but this one plays a huge role. I am extremely unhappy with this body. This is how I figured out my only option is transition if I don't want to live a miserable life. I feel like I'm dragging myself through life right now, without actually living. It's a horrible feeling and a large part of it is caused by me being trans (specifically by physical and social dysphoria).
[/quote]
I can commiserate as I just went to the therapist yesterday. I am learning so much about myself and how not facing my true feelings has made my life a living hell. She submitted, I married the first time to put up a false front, Something I was predisposed to.  My sexual confusion and how living up to my wife's sexual expectations. When we were dating we had sex every time we met. We only saw each other twice a week. When we got married I had to perform every night. I was not up to the challenge and found sex in bed was like sex in hell. I hated it. We had always had sex in my backseat. Keeping one eye open for the cops we would go to Belmont Shores and the Lakewood Drive In. When we married I brought along the baggage of my childhood. One where there was no show of affection between my Mother and Dad. Mom had an affair with one of the neighbor kids that resulted in a baby that was supposedly stillborn. Mom would discipline with a belt or a branch off the apricot tree. She didn't really take care of where it landed. I never felt love before so how could I possibly understand the finer points of love to show my wife. At the end I was trying to get my wife's attention by putting on her makeup. That's how I got my Moms attention and her affection.
My sister is beautiful, blond, talented. She was 5 years older than myself. Such a fuss was made over her and the folks were always involved with her projects. She was a dancer, drum major, champion baton twirler, beauty contestant, and actress. My Mom would dress me in sisters costumes complete with make up ala Toddlers and tiara's. Then she would make a big fuss over how cute I was.
Although all through grade school I mainly played with the girls I didn't know what was happening to me. All I knew is that the girls were fun. They played jacks, foursquare, hop scotch and dressed up. I always had to be the Dad though. I hadn't realized I was different. As I grew up I began to dress up on my own about 12 or so. I was 6'2' and 140 lbs. I would dress for compliments whether it was from Mom or myself looking in the mirror. Buy 18 it was a full on passion and I was still 6 years away from getting married. It was at this point the therapist said that i should have considered a sex change. Problem was it was pretty much taboo. I mean I heard of Christine Jorgensen  but she was about it. Then in the 70's there was Renee Richards. In the early 80's there was Tula Causey, it was seeing Tula the first time I believe on Maury Povich, but I remember whomever it was was dumbstruck by her beauty.
I used to pray for a sex change, pray for breasts, pray to have a baby.  I guess God was busy with Republican politicians because zilch happened until I was 42. At 42 I developed Congestive Heart Failure and was prescribed Spiro because it's primary use is as a diuretic. Through the subsequent 25 years because of spiro I now have breasts.(God does have a sense of humor) I'll never be compared to Dolly or Kim but the suckers are visible. (pun intended).
Long story short I am now 64 years old and cannot take hormones The best I can do is cross dress and be thought of as a pervert and a danger to women and children. I have lived the painful life of secrecy. I have no real friends to speak of because I have distanced myself to keep anyone from finding out. The one constant though is the strength my wife has shown and  compassion towards my situation. She does understand how it all came about.
Don't do as I did and wait until you cannot absorb the male experience. I tried to alter my voice. From a deep HO HO HO to something resembling PeeWee Herman. I now have wrinkles and my wrinkles have wrinkles. The only thing I could pass is gas.
I just wish I would have talked to someone sooner or that I knew such a website as Susan's existed. You all have been so helpful. Although HRT and SRS are no longer an opportunity, I will support your decision and I will work to make sure our voices are heard.