Dilation Question

[doasthywill]

Hello, ladies.

I'm about four years post-operative.  I went to Dr. Bowers in the bay area and am mostly satisfied, barring my own psychological issues.  My issue is motivating myself to dilate at all.  I've been doing it on a mostly regular schedule, but there was a period where I neglected it because I was abroad and didn't realize lube wouldn't be readily available.  I lost some depth, not sure how to regain it.  But that's not the point.

The point is, why should I care?  I'm a lesbian, I find penetration uncomfortable and painful, I do not have much of a sex drive, I'm inorgasmic (psychological, not physical, I have had orgasms in my sleep during dreams), and I'm just sick of dilation.  I have to move around a lot in life, and my primary love is my work. 

Sometimes I think about just letting the stupid thing slam shut.  I'm grateful for having had the surgery, but my desire to get <not allowed> is infrequent.  I feel it maybe once every six months and it lasts about four hours. 

Having to endure dilation and take 20 minutes out of EVERY day just to maintain a hole in my body seems insane.  I would rather just never have to think about it again.

Would I be facing future complications or health problems by just letting it go?  I ask here because I'd rather get a response from others who may be in the same situation or have been, and have more experience.

Thanks for reading.

[jfong]

For a 4yr post, i don't think you need to dilate every single day.  My surgeon recommends once per week,  but I'm sticking with 2x per week and haven't lost any depth.

Sent from my SM-N910W8 using Tapatalk

[Jacqueline]

doasthywill,

Welcome to the site. I am no where near where you are in your journey. However, I am sure there a lot of ladies who can share information from their experiences with you.

In the mean time I wanted to share some links with you. There is some welcome information for new members and the rules that govern the site. If you have not read them yet, please take a moment to read through them(while waiting for answers):

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again welcome to Susan's. I hope you find what you are looking for.

With warmth,

Joanna

[OCAnne]

Hello...once a week seems to work fine for me.  I still use coconut oil for dilation....open to an oil based option.
Thank you,
Anne

EOM

[doasthywill]

For a 4yr post, i don't think you need to dilate every single day.  My surgeon recommends once per week,  but I'm sticking with 2x per week and haven't lost any depth.

Sent from my SM-N910W8 using Tapatalk

I've heard that before, you may be right.  I think I just need to bite the bullet and schedule an appointment with my surgeon to get her professional assessment of my needs.

Thanks for the response.

[doasthywill]

Hello...once a week seems to work fine for me.  I still use coconut oil for dilation....open to an oil based option.
Thank you,
Anne

EOM

I've heard once a week before, and that would just be the height of luxury for me.  I'm tempted to try it, if not for my fear I'd lose even more depth. 

I just have no idea what to believe or how to care. 

[cindianna_jones]

I'm 29 years post op. I never care if I have intercourse with a man in my life. I've figured out that I too am only interested in women. I'm also good living the rest of my life alone. I haven't dilated since the early nineties. I have lost breadth and depth. I don't care. I've had no issues. It stays clean, doesn't have an odor, and I've never had any other complications. This is MY experience and I'm not sure what the medical professionals may advise.

[doasthywill]

I'm 29 years post op. I never care if I have intercourse with a man in my life. I've figured out that I too am only interested in women. I'm also good living the rest of my life alone. I haven't dilated since the early nineties. I have lost breadth and depth. I don't care. I've had no issues. It stays clean, doesn't have an odor, and I've never had any other complications. This is MY experience and I'm not sure what the medical professionals may advise.

This has been the most useful response yet.  THANK YOU.

The thing is, if I let it collapse, I would still be able to have clitoral stimulation, which seems to be where all the business happens anyways for me, especially as a lesbian.

Now the real question is, do I just let it go?  It's hard to make one of those choices, where you can't go back. 

Thanks for your response, I have thinking to do.

[cindianna_jones]

I quit dilation when I started having heterosexual intercourse. And the sex ended in my fifth or sixth year. No, I did not enjoy the activity but it was not my choice to end. My husband just wasn't interested in me that way at that point. I must caution that this is my experience and you might be different. I did continue to have a doctor check me over the next few years. They even took pap smears which I thought was ridiculous because I had no cervix.

[doasthywill]

I quit dilation when I started having heterosexual intercourse. And the sex ended in my fifth or sixth year. No, I did not enjoy the activity but it was not my choice to end. My husband just wasn't interested in me that way at that point. I must caution that this is my experience and you might be different. I did continue to have a doctor check me over the next few years. They even took pap smears which I thought was ridiculous because I had no cervix.

That is just weird.  We'll see what my surgeon has to say about it.  Thanks again.

[Jenna Marie]

At this point (I'm around as long post-op as you are), I'm dilating once every second or third week for 15 minutes and have had no problems with that. If you're considering giving up on dilation entirely, it would seem that you have nothing to lose by cutting back drastically instead, right? And I'm also startled that you're still being told to do it 20 minutes a day!

Brassard, incidentally, advises that the only risk of giving up on dilation after the six-month mark is loss of the vaginal canal. Before six months he said there are genuine health concerns (related to healing), but afterward... This is not, of course, meant to substitute for advice from your own surgeon.

[AnonyMs]

I can only offer what I've read and heard from others, but you body should tell you how much you need to dilate. If it starts to get more difficult you need to do more, and if its not you can try less. Over time if will become easier so experiment occasionally to see if you can do less.

[Paige0000]

Eventually it gets to the point where it's so occasional that you nearly forget about it. I'm 17 months post op and down to 1 per every 3 weeks and still have no trouble getting max depth (2-3 min usually). Just a matter of patience really.